The Garden Door
An Awdl Gynt poem - see notes52 total reviews
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
Your enjambment worked very well, Tony. To my unskilled mind it seemed quite natural, and I enjoyed the poem before reading the rules. This was a new style for me, it seems they are endless, Giddy
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2016
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Your enjambment worked very well, Tony. To my unskilled mind it seemed quite natural, and I enjoyed the poem before reading the rules. This was a new style for me, it seems they are endless, Giddy
Comment Written 22-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2016
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Very many thanks for this six-star review, Giddy. You are right - these new forms keep coming! Some better than others. Although this one is a bit intricate, the result is rhythmically quite interesting, I think.
Comment from Pearl Edwards
This Awdl Gynt poem sounds like a very complicated affair Tony, and I imagine it has taken some thought to get your lovely poem done. This is a very peaceful read, loved it. Good luck in the contest,
cheers
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2016
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This Awdl Gynt poem sounds like a very complicated affair Tony, and I imagine it has taken some thought to get your lovely poem done. This is a very peaceful read, loved it. Good luck in the contest,
cheers
Comment Written 22-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2016
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You are right, Pearl! This one took quite a bit of fiddling. Thanks for your kind words about the result.
Comment from IndianaIrish
I enjoyed your poem, Tony, and had an interesting time learning the format. I think I got it, and I loved the flow of the changing meters. The photograph of the tree is awesome!
Best wishes in the contest.
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2016
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I enjoyed your poem, Tony, and had an interesting time learning the format. I think I got it, and I loved the flow of the changing meters. The photograph of the tree is awesome!
Best wishes in the contest.
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
Comment Written 21-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2016
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Many thanks, Karyn. Jim pointed out to me that I'd omitted one of the cross-rhymes, so I had to re-draft it quite a bit this morning. He's right though, it does improve the melodic flow. All the best, Tony
Comment from sage17611
This is a beautiful poem about a man's ashes fertilizing a flower bed that has been left unattended. The poem is well written with a nice flow and theme which should do well in the contest. Good job, and good luck.
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2016
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This is a beautiful poem about a man's ashes fertilizing a flower bed that has been left unattended. The poem is well written with a nice flow and theme which should do well in the contest. Good job, and good luck.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2016
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Loved your prosaic synopsis, Sage. Yes, in a nutshell, that is pretty well what it was about. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from I am Cat
Tony,
This is beautifully written, with perfection in form, and I loved the theme as well.
I especially loved the second cycle:
I shall not mourn this gentle man
whose yin and yang contrived
to harmonise when magpies sang
and Pan himself arrived
to echo their sweet song. His soul
inhabits me and makes me whole
when, at his fount, I fill my bowl,
consoled, and honey-hived.
amazingly well done, and you and Gynt seemed to be on the same path today...
Perhaps Gynt is Hong Shi? ;) lol
I wish I had another six to give.
Hugs, love and laughter,
Cat
(good luck in the contest!)
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2016
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Tony,
This is beautifully written, with perfection in form, and I loved the theme as well.
I especially loved the second cycle:
I shall not mourn this gentle man
whose yin and yang contrived
to harmonise when magpies sang
and Pan himself arrived
to echo their sweet song. His soul
inhabits me and makes me whole
when, at his fount, I fill my bowl,
consoled, and honey-hived.
amazingly well done, and you and Gynt seemed to be on the same path today...
Perhaps Gynt is Hong Shi? ;) lol
I wish I had another six to give.
Hugs, love and laughter,
Cat
(good luck in the contest!)
Comment Written 21-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2016
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Many thanks, Cat. Jim pointed out to me that I'd omitted one of the cross-rhymes, so I had to re-draft the poem quite a bit this morning. He's right though, it does improve the melodic flow. It's good having one of the gods casting a critical eye! All the best, Tony
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That's what I get for reviewing it late at night. I thought, when I read it, I liked that one stanza more, that might be why, it had it and the other didn't? I'll go read the re-write. ;)
Comment from GWHARGIS
What a lovely poem. Beautiful imagery throughout. I loved the sense of place in this. You described such a magical and healing place. The love and imprint of this man rang with honest feeling. Great job. Gretchen
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2016
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What a lovely poem. Beautiful imagery throughout. I loved the sense of place in this. You described such a magical and healing place. The love and imprint of this man rang with honest feeling. Great job. Gretchen
Comment Written 21-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2016
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Many thanks, Gretchen. Jim pointed out to me that I'd omitted one of the cross-rhymes, so I had to re-draft it quite a bit this morning. He's right though, it does improve the melodic flow. All the best, Tony
Comment from krys123
Magnificent Tony;
-what a joy to read as I was surely entertained by this well-written Awdl Gynt formatted piece of poetry with specially noted and well contrived rhyming and conceptual theme. This ode or recognize laudation for tribute to Hong Shi and the beautiful surroundings inside its garden.
-A very well composed imagery that was distinctly clear in its explanation and definitively expressive in vivid and demonstratively descriptive right down to the magpies saying which brought Pan himself to arrive at the scene.
-I found none of your rhyming words to be forced or labored which is very helpful in the fluidity of your reading and writing of your poem.
-The rhythmic meter held firm and was written in a trochee style format of tetrameter and trimeter conversely and intermixed. Along with the timing and cadence of your writing made the reading quite clear, fluid and very easy.
-The mirrored duality of your picture seem to be effectively appropriate, supportive and relative to the conceptual theme of your writing.
-Good luck in the contest Tony and may the good Lord be with you always.
Alex
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2016
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Magnificent Tony;
-what a joy to read as I was surely entertained by this well-written Awdl Gynt formatted piece of poetry with specially noted and well contrived rhyming and conceptual theme. This ode or recognize laudation for tribute to Hong Shi and the beautiful surroundings inside its garden.
-A very well composed imagery that was distinctly clear in its explanation and definitively expressive in vivid and demonstratively descriptive right down to the magpies saying which brought Pan himself to arrive at the scene.
-I found none of your rhyming words to be forced or labored which is very helpful in the fluidity of your reading and writing of your poem.
-The rhythmic meter held firm and was written in a trochee style format of tetrameter and trimeter conversely and intermixed. Along with the timing and cadence of your writing made the reading quite clear, fluid and very easy.
-The mirrored duality of your picture seem to be effectively appropriate, supportive and relative to the conceptual theme of your writing.
-Good luck in the contest Tony and may the good Lord be with you always.
Alex
Comment Written 21-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2016
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Many thanks, Alex. As always, I appreciate your in-depth review. Jim pointed out to me that I'd omitted one of the cross-rhymes, so I had to re-draft it quite a bit this morning. He's right though, it does improve the melodic flow. All the best, Tony
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Hi Tony; I will go back and take a look at it as I am always interested in is something that is improved by someone is usually well polished as you. Thanks for telling me.
Alex
Comment from Cynthia1
You have combined the beauty of words with the structural confines of this lovely Awdl Gynt poem. The poem is breath- taking in its beauty. The sadness of the topic is in contrast to the eternal beauty of life and continued renewal. The yin and yang resound throughout; the red Chinese door invites us to enter. I loved it!
I especially liked the line .."winds that lift a sacred moan from trees..."
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2016
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You have combined the beauty of words with the structural confines of this lovely Awdl Gynt poem. The poem is breath- taking in its beauty. The sadness of the topic is in contrast to the eternal beauty of life and continued renewal. The yin and yang resound throughout; the red Chinese door invites us to enter. I loved it!
I especially liked the line .."winds that lift a sacred moan from trees..."
Comment Written 21-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2016
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Many thanks, Cynthia. Jim pointed out to me that I'd omitted one of the cross-rhymes, so I had to re-draft it quite a bit this morning. He's right though, it does improve the melodic flow. I very much appreciate your kind words and the six stars. All the best, Tony
Comment from Gloria ....
The kingdom of joy is protected from all evil by a red door. That includes safety in many countries.
A beautiful Awdl Gynt, Tony. I really like this form a lot and shall be giving one a work out shortly.
Best wishes to you in the contest.
Gloria
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2016
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The kingdom of joy is protected from all evil by a red door. That includes safety in many countries.
A beautiful Awdl Gynt, Tony. I really like this form a lot and shall be giving one a work out shortly.
Best wishes to you in the contest.
Gloria
Comment Written 21-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2016
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Many thanks, Gloria. Jim pointed out to me that I'd omitted one of the cross-rhymes, so I had to re-draft it quite a bit this morning. He's right though, it does improve the melodic flow. All the best, Tony
Comment from Nika2016
His soul inhabits you and makes you whole? And at his fount you fill your bowl sweet honey-hived? Your father? Or another man? And he sings as sweetly as magpies? Their song dissonant does not touch the mockingbird.
Sorry..I do not understand this one ....but the writing is excellent as usual.
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2016
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His soul inhabits you and makes you whole? And at his fount you fill your bowl sweet honey-hived? Your father? Or another man? And he sings as sweetly as magpies? Their song dissonant does not touch the mockingbird.
Sorry..I do not understand this one ....but the writing is excellent as usual.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 22-Jul-2016
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Very many thanks for reviewing this, Nika. I have made several changes to this poem now, as it was unclear in parts and did not follow all the requirements of the form. I've also added an author note about the Australian magpie, a different species to the one you are familiar with, and a warbling songster of great skill.
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Wow...a different magpie...
