Comment from Selina Stambi

Excellent

Hello Nancy,

I'm pleased to be able to read another chapter of your novel. The tale gets more exciting and nail-biting anxious with each passing post!

Well done.

Sonali

 Comment Written 25-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 25-Jul-2016

Thank you so much. That is very sweet! I'm glad you stopped by to read another story, my friend.
Take care,
Rhonda

Comment from boxergirl

Excellent

Hi Rhonda,
Tabby's story continues to be engaging. I am glad she recognized Sage during the ceremony and hopefully Akie is developing a conscience.

 Comment Written 25-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 25-Jul-2016

Akie's on his way... It's hard to go against someone who is so controling you don't know their thoughts from yours.
Thanks for catching this chapter, even though it no longer had a certificate on it. I always look forward to you reviews!
Take care,
Rhonda

Comment from A.A.A.EXHILARATING RIDE

Exceptional

Hi! What I love in this episode are the leaps sudden leaps between worlds, and your ability to keep the story travelling at such a pace.
Especially, after my very different and personal associations with the previous episode, the lines:

`She turned her head upwards, blue eyes meeting mine with feline curiosity.

She landed with grace on the floor.'

Then

`It's not every day a cat goddess gets in your face.

I held my breath and hoped those acting classes I had taken in middle school paid off. I let my body go limp and pretended I had passed out.

Akie knelt on the floor and lifted me with gentle arms. I felt he was quite strong for a guy who had been dead for over three thousand years.'

And finally,

`The photo is a silhouette of my own cat, Markie, who was anxious to get a part in the story!'

Don't even ask me why, but I suddenly its taken me out of the tension to a very different and interesting place. And, I'm just happy to let that be until the next time! Six again, Rhonda, thank you! Maureen*&*

 Comment Written 25-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 25-Jul-2016

Awwwww, that is so sweet, Maureen! I write to escape to another world, as well. There is a lot of the "real" world around me, so off I go to fantasy land for a refreshment. I am so excited that you feel the same way as well. You are too sweet.

Thanks again, for the wonderful, and always appreciated, six stars!!!

Take care,
Rhonda

reply by A.A.A.EXHILARATING RIDE on 28-Jul-2016

Mm! I'm not sure it's escape and refreshment for me as I guess I see them as interwoven, but different perspectives and understanding; therefore, more space and nourishment for my adventure in this life where much fact is oft stranger than fiction, and certainly not what many want to believe! This means, I can't think of two individuals describing this person they met yesterday who would recognise I was that person unless named, certainly not my family! This is why the symbols, as I see them, in the story of Jesus are so precious and powerful for me. The characteristics of your children contrasting against the darkness, is fantasy safely separated by time, whereas in our reality, convenient blindness, or our good and values rhetorically against terrorism and evil elsewhere! The never ending story of a world still in decline, and far less long-lived, and perhaps significant than Egyptian glory in universal time and hopes. Such, I accept maybe my escape into fantasy! And smile, for this morning, as I do still hope to make one new posting this quite dramatic and exciting week for me at seventy-three; still fantasising my real work will have value as I stretch myself or am stretched each day! Because at least FanStory nourishes my sense of Human Being in its daily unfolding, quite the amazing grace our our age, I think! Blessings, Maureen*&*

Comment from MTF1955

Excellent

Another great chapter. I love her feistiness. I loved this line: "Wonderful," I said, "a fertility goddess--just what I don't need. However, if she wants to give me a gift, she can jump up here, chew these straps off, and eat this nasty bug." Great job. Mary

 Comment Written 23-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 24-Jul-2016

Thank you, Mary. What a great review! Poor Tabby, still worried about a bug when her life's on the line..,
Thanks again,
Rhonda

Comment from I am Cat

Excellent

Rhonda,
This is very good, as are the other chapters I've read. Of course, I'll go back to read the others, I just did this one now, because you asked me to.

Please do not take to heart anyone who calls you names for what you write, sweetheart. People don't know YOU. You are a kind and loving woman, and someone I am honored to call my friend.

This is wonderful. Keep writing.

some notes below:

He took a swing at the cat(-)like apparition, but missed. She landed with grace on the floor.

I didn't know how (she'd gotten) down there, or even who had shaved and dyed her, but this was the very kitty I had rescued one hot summer night outside a haunted house.

"We believe they exist; we just don't worship them. (should that be a semi-colon? or a comma?)

In that split second, with the scream hanging just on the precipice of my lips, I looked, again, into the eyes of the great goddess. I blinked, she blinked, and then I knew this was no goddess, but my old friend Sage. (I loved this, so well written!)

Armed with that knowledge, I decided to play along. I wasn't quite sure what a person was supposed to look like after having their soul sucked out, but I was certain they didn't know either. I held my breath and hoped those acting classes I had taken in middle school paid off. I let my body go limp and pretended I had passed out.
(awesome and playful!)

Well done honey...
Love you
Cat

 Comment Written 23-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 24-Jul-2016

Thanks, Cat! I so appreciate the review!
The got/gotten thing you're right on, and the cat-like part. I got called on those from others.
The semi colon was a change I made after a reviewer suggested it that's a professional editor. I thought it was a comma as well.
Thanks for pointing out the parts you liked, and for making helpful suggestions. I'll make the changes tomorrow when I'm on the computer. The iPad won't let me make them easily.
Thanks again,
Love and hugs,
Rhonda

Comment from Dean Kuch

Excellent

Okay, Rhonda. Now that I've read through the list of characters surrounding the Daredevil Girls group a couple of times, I'll go ahead and jump right in...

"Get out of here." Mike bellowed, grabbing for the overturned bowl. He took a swing at the cat-like apparition, but missed. She landed with grace on the floor.

"Bast!" Akie said. "This is a good omen, Mike Holly."

"Bast?" Mike said, arching an eyebrow. "I thought you guys didn't believe in gods other than Aten." ... Cat-like should be a hyphenated word, Rhonda Good exchange of dialogue here, Rhonda. Very well written, it reads so naturally. I must admit, I'd never heard of Bast either before now, Rhonda. Although I really enjoy all mythology, I tend to follow Greek Mythology the most for some reason. Anubis has always intrigued me, however ...

In an aura of mystery, she bent down as though to give me a kiss. I was afraid to move. It's not every day a cat goddess gets in your face. ... Hahaha, that was goood, Rhonda, and so true. ...

I didn't know how she had got she'd gotten down there... ..."I had no idea how she'd gotten down there...", is another alternative, Rhonda.
In any event, the word "got" should be changed to "gotten" regardless ...

I felt he was very strong for a guy who had been dead for over three thousand years. Combined with his handsome features, that fact was very disquieting ... Yeah, that would be more than a little bit "disconcerting,", Rhonda, heh-heh. Especially the good looks and over three-thousand-years part of the sentence. Dudes over than three millennium old shouldn't look that good, lol ...

"You have thirty minutes to return," Mike said, "or I behead Atenabend, and you know what that means."

"Yes, the head and body must be intact for the rite to be performed. I know. I'll bring a girl back."

"Time is already ticking." ... Tick-tock... so goes the clock.
A perfect cliff-hanger styled ending to entice your readers into coming back for more, Rhonda.
This story is very well written. It's always nice to read a story with very few grammatical or nonfunctional errors. You can concentrate so much more on the story line that way.
Your characters are well fleshed-out and defined.

Great read, and thanks so much for recommending it to me.

 Comment Written 23-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 24-Jul-2016

Thank you so much for the detailed review, Dean.
I agree on the got/gotten thing. I completely messed that one up...
Cat-like is also a good call.
Thank you on the "disconcerting" that was exactly the word I was searching for!! Sounds much better!
It's funny, but I'm more into Greek mythology as well, but stretched for this part, due in part, because my father like Egyptian lore, and it was a nod to him.

Again, thanks for your time and effort,
Rhonda

reply by Dean Kuch on 24-Jul-2016

You're very welcome, Rhonda.
~Dean

Comment from jlsavell

Excellent

davisr, you are a dark storyteller for sure. Chilling to say the least. I am anxious to read on and see where this leads. A wonderful but rather eerie work.. Jimi

 Comment Written 23-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 23-Jul-2016

Thank you, Jimi. I didn't mean it to be so dark, but I guess it sort of is. Thanks for reading,
Rhonda

reply by jlsavell on 23-Jul-2016

this one is truly not as dark and actually you give life or emotion to the character that is bound to mummification or lack of emotion,,

reply by the author on 23-Jul-2016

Thank you so much! The next chapter is much, well not lighter, but less creepy!

Comment from Nika2016

Excellent

Five stars for horror, only. I guess you did your job, as I could not finish reading...it was so creepy. I don't think you should let your principal read this...or the local police..LOL...
just in case a ritual murder occurs in your locale. Cops take these writings seriously. Think: The Kansas serial killer, Dennis Rader leaving clues all over in writings.
The writing itself is good.

 Comment Written 23-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 23-Jul-2016

Okay, so now you've scared me...
It's a simple story, and nothing more. I'm sure Criminal Minds writers have far worse, but point taken.
My principal has read it. He was one of the first for the original book before I started the rewrite.
Thank you for the review,
Rhonda

reply by Nika2016 on 23-Jul-2016

I somehow knew he had read it...smile...
Seriously...its the creepiest story ever and worse than all serial killer writing in my studies at the university...That is what you were shooting for?
See...I do not watch tv so I have not seen the serial killing fare out there...

Comment from Pam (respa)

Exceptional

-This is one heck of a chapter!!
-Masterfully written with intrigue and plot development.
-I had a feeling the hairless cat with the collar was Sage, but how she got that way is beyond me!
-She 'played' her part well, as did Tabby.
-I like this line: "In that split second, with the scream hanging just on the precipice of my lips, I looked, again, into the eyes of the great goddess."
-I think Sage might want more than a new toy for all of these efforts.
-MH's plan has been foiled for now, but this reader will take it!
-Sage's act changed Akie, and he saw Tabby differently, and was kind.
-Now the questions are 1). What will Tabby do? 2). Where is Sage? 3). How can the rest of the Daredevil Girl's be warned?

 Comment Written 23-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 23-Jul-2016

Very good questions, some of which are about to be answered, and others in the following chapter.
Thanks for the wonderful six star rating. It is much appreciated.
Love the cat picture!
Thanks for picking out your favorite parts. As I've said before, it helps build the next chapters.
Take care, and thanks again,
Rhonda

reply by Pam (respa) on 23-Jul-2016

You are very welcome for the stars and review. I knew the questions would be answered:) I am glad you liked my sharing my favorite lines. What cat picture did you get? You were supposed to get something else, and now the photo doesn't show up. I can't edit at the moment; but will try later.
Great chapter!

reply by Pam (respa) on 23-Jul-2016

I see the cat now. Am trying a second time.

reply by the author on 24-Jul-2016

Thank you!!

reply by Pam (respa) on 24-Jul-2016

You are welcome.

Comment from Dustybones

Excellent

Good chapter to the ongoing story. Let see what I liked the most...Well it's the main part, that being BAST and how she wasn't killed by Mike. You're a fine story teller.
Boyd

 Comment Written 23-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 23-Jul-2016

Thank you, I'm glad you like Bast. She's the cat heroine!! I appreciate the review,
Rhonda