Comment from fafa

Exceptional

First congratulations for its outstandingwork, then sometimes only the violentlanguage is capable of saying some things,its writing is much impregnated in herbecause I believe be necessary for its plot,congratulations

 Comment Written 15-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 15-Jul-2016

Thank you so much, FaFa, for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and outstanding six-star review are greatly appreciated and have made my day. What am I talking about, you have made my week! :-)

Comment from RPSaxena

Exceptional

Hello Friend,
An interesting piece of General Flash Fiction beautifully depicting its theme!
Wording is impressive with lively imagery at several places.
Smooth and captivating flow from the beginning to the end.
The most striking line is:
"Fresh out of ideas, Apache helicopters zeroed in from the clear blue sky and cable lifted me to safety."
Best of Luck!

 Comment Written 15-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 15-Jul-2016

Thank you so much, RPSaxena, for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and outstanding six-star review are greatly appreciated, and not one I'll soon forget. This is quite possibly my favorite review since I've been on Fan Story, and coming from such a magnificently talented writer makes it all the more encouraging. You have made my week! :-)

reply by RPSaxena on 16-Jul-2016

Hi Friend,
You deserve it, and I wish you what you wish for you.
~ RP

Comment from JW

Excellent

First and foremost, good luck in the contest.

Your story is well written. It easily holds a reader's interest.

The only thing I wondered about was could the men in the jeeps be part of a search and rescue party. It seemed the helicopters arrived mighty fast after he was trapped. JW

 Comment Written 15-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 15-Jul-2016

Thank you so much, JW, for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. Yeah, I'm so glad you brought up that point. My whole idea of the story is that: he is delirious, out of his head, with his brain overheated and head pounding, he obviously couldn't be thinking right. My intentions were to create enough doubt that readers would have to wonder if maybe the Jeeps were after him or trying to help him. You have made my day! :-)

Comment from frogbook

Excellent

This was a great story for this prompt. Full of action and suspense it kept the reader engaged and told a whole story as is the requirement of flash fiction. Well done.

 Comment Written 15-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 15-Jul-2016

Thank you so much, Frogbook, for taking time to read my story. I always look forward to hearing what you have to say, and I'm so glad you liked it. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)

Comment from jusylee72

Excellent

Short story full of adventure. Well written and enjoyed it. I pictured the action and I found it believable. Thank you for your story. Judy

 Comment Written 15-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 15-Jul-2016

Thank you so much, Judy, for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. :-)

Comment from Fridayauthor

Excellent

This was well written with lots of tension in a short piece. It held the writer's attention until the end.

My only problem was trying to visualize how the running man could see what was clearly behind him,. . . the rooster of dirt, etc.

Nice posting.

 Comment Written 15-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 15-Jul-2016

Thank you so much for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. In 500 words it's almost impossible to spell everything out, but in my own humble opinion, I would say that while he was running in S and C patterns he could look over his shoulder. :-)

Comment from Halfree

Good

The story did not hang together very well. I think it might flow better if it opened with the third paragraph. The story would "hang together" better if it were to opened with paragraph order 3-2-1.
The other paragraphs remain the same.
Good action and tension in the story. Needs some rearranging,

 Comment Written 15-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 15-Jul-2016

Thanks for taking time to read my story. Your thoughts on rearranging would be fine, and I do appreciate your suggestion; however, the contest requires that I start the story with "Why didn't someone stop me." It I could have began in different way, I sure would have. Thanks, again.

Comment from dragonpoet

Good

This is a fast paced, thrilling story. Gets the readers heart rate up. Truly this person's luck day. You use strong metaphors and described the setting well.

My only question is how you got out from the cirlce of jeeps if they were so careful not to leave you a way out between them.

I like the helicopter appearing in the knick of time.

It seems both captors and savior come out of nowhere uncalled for.

Keep writing

dragonpoet

 Comment Written 15-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 15-Jul-2016

Thanks for taking time to read my story. The worst part of the whole story is the ending; unfortunately, out of words with a 500 limit, I had to end it quick. But of course, no one on a mission is there without someone knowing, and a good team isn't going to leave one of their own to survive on his own, if they can save him. As for the jeeps closing in, it doesn't say how far away the jeeps were closing in from but there could easily be enough room for a single person to break running between them. And actually, the closer the better, especially if the escape is run in the S and C patterns as I described. Most fiction is adapted from incidents from real life, despite it being called fiction.

reply by dragonpoet on 15-Jul-2016

No problem. I agree there is always a chance of escape and that in general all groups try never to leave one of theirs behind.

dp

reply by the author on 15-Jul-2016

You put me to thinking with your review, and I appreciate that. Therefore, I have rearranged some things and rewrote some parts, including the ending. I thank you for your honest opinion that, I think, has made my story better. :-) Ric

reply by dragonpoet on 16-Jul-2016

Glad I could help. Ric

Joan

Comment from Spitfire

Excellent

You have a gift for writing action scenes. Perhaps you were in combat yourself? You sure know the vocabulary.

" In successive patterns of S's broken up periodically with C's to keep the gunners from keying in on me; "

Smart maneuver. It slays me in movies where the hunted victim runs in a straight line!

 Comment Written 14-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 14-Jul-2016

Thank you so much for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. There is nothing more rewarding in this life than when such a talented writer spends their time to read and offer me encouragement. I'm sure you won't remember, but about three years ago, I came to your site and read many of your posts. A special, poet friend, who has since moved on, instructed me to read a certain group of your posts if I wanted to be a writer. Of course, I enjoyed them so much that I read many. You just never know how many lives you might have changed in some way without even knowing. I'm just glad I got a chance to thank you, again. :-)

reply by Spitfire on 15-Jul-2016

Thank YOU for the warm reply. I'm guessing that your poet friend is Ted aka Tonulak?

reply by the author on 15-Jul-2016

My special poet friend was, Stephen. An honest man, and fine poet. He stepped on my toes from day one with his dry, blunt criticisms of my posts. Disappointing, and hurting my feelings at times, of course never meaning to, yet always offering enough praise to keep me plugging along. I just wish he hadn't disappeared so fast, without me ever having the chance to say thanks. When I came here I barely knew the difference between a noun and a verb, and even then he said I had a gift. Well, I don't know about that, but I do know that if it weren't for him, and many of you whom I have learned from and kept me believing, I would have given up in the beginning. Now, I can travel the world, do and be anything I want, and every adventure can be experienced at home from my La-z-boy recliner. Thanks again for your kind words and spending your time to read my post. I appreciate You! Just another example of something else I learned from Stephen, say what we think and feel, because tomorrow may be too late. :-)

reply by Spitfire on 15-Jul-2016

Yes, I do remember Stephen. I've been on the site for five years and watched so many of the best ones leave.

Comment from Polllly

Excellent

Well, I read it at as fast a pace as the action has -- very compelling! A bit hard to believe, but -- it's fiction! A couple of cliches ("for what seemed like an eternity" p.e.), but in flash fiction, that doesn't seem like such a fault. Nice job.

 Comment Written 14-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 14-Jul-2016

Thank you so much for taking time to read my story. Your kind words, suggestions, and review are greatly appreciated. Yes, there were actually two cliches used. I softened one of them by adding, "As the old saying goes." This one I left, because I thought the two cliches gave the story and it's character a touch of an older war-time mind set. Oh, well, it sounded good to me at the time. LOL! Thanks, again. :-)