The Curse of 'Gator Bayou
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "Lies"A young Cajun girl struggles to survive.
5 total reviews
Comment from Walu Feral
G'day Jo. Ah, yes, now I get to follow our story again.
"Chapter 8-Lies and Goose Chases" (You only have "Lies" in the title, maybe add "Goose Chases".)
"Small towns had a way of getting information spread faster than any newspaper." ( You've got that right.)
"Yes Sir, I think he kind of thought of me like a dad." ( I noticed the first couple of "Sirs" were not capitalized. You might want to capitalize them for direct address and consistency.... I can't believe I just said that! lol. I'm the worst at it.)
"No, No (S)sir...only what I told you."
"but one could never tell when it came to stealing a man's wife." (We, the Nyamal, used to spear them through the thigh and banish them.)
"Okay, (S)sir. I will," Deputy Pierre replied."
"The city of Houma had taken its name from a village called Chufuhuma or 'Red House' from the Houma tribe." ( An interesting bit of history there. Also shows a bit of respect on the authorities part for the tribe.)
"The front yard had a huge blackened cast iron pot in the center of the yard." ( I would drop the last "yard" and replace it with "it.")
"stood a round - faced(,) pretty(,) dark haired woman with bright red lips and dark eyes."
"Go away, who are you? You are trespassing on my land," the short man called in French." ( A friendly bugger.)
"I don' know, (S)sir.
"Okay(,) Mr. Courteaux, I think that is all I need to ask you."
"Evangeline giggled and whispered drunkenly to her- self(herself) as she"
"Renee moved aside and Evie huffed, drunkenly up the stairs swaying from side to side."
As if he didn't have enough on his mind and now he has to worry about his wife. Shame.
Another very interesting chapter, mate and some nice history lessons as well.
Cheers Fez
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2016
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G'day Jo. Ah, yes, now I get to follow our story again.
"Chapter 8-Lies and Goose Chases" (You only have "Lies" in the title, maybe add "Goose Chases".)
"Small towns had a way of getting information spread faster than any newspaper." ( You've got that right.)
"Yes Sir, I think he kind of thought of me like a dad." ( I noticed the first couple of "Sirs" were not capitalized. You might want to capitalize them for direct address and consistency.... I can't believe I just said that! lol. I'm the worst at it.)
"No, No (S)sir...only what I told you."
"but one could never tell when it came to stealing a man's wife." (We, the Nyamal, used to spear them through the thigh and banish them.)
"Okay, (S)sir. I will," Deputy Pierre replied."
"The city of Houma had taken its name from a village called Chufuhuma or 'Red House' from the Houma tribe." ( An interesting bit of history there. Also shows a bit of respect on the authorities part for the tribe.)
"The front yard had a huge blackened cast iron pot in the center of the yard." ( I would drop the last "yard" and replace it with "it.")
"stood a round - faced(,) pretty(,) dark haired woman with bright red lips and dark eyes."
"Go away, who are you? You are trespassing on my land," the short man called in French." ( A friendly bugger.)
"I don' know, (S)sir.
"Okay(,) Mr. Courteaux, I think that is all I need to ask you."
"Evangeline giggled and whispered drunkenly to her- self(herself) as she"
"Renee moved aside and Evie huffed, drunkenly up the stairs swaying from side to side."
As if he didn't have enough on his mind and now he has to worry about his wife. Shame.
Another very interesting chapter, mate and some nice history lessons as well.
Cheers Fez
Comment Written 15-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2016
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Thanks, Fez, for catching all my goofs in this chapter. I will go back and correct. I have had some really bad pain lately with my back. I can't sit for very long spells. I'm having surgery Aug. 01 (Monday), hopefully, to correct the problem. I'm afraid they said I would have to be flat on my back for probably 2-6 weeks. I'm not sure how much time I'll be on the computer but will get back to the story and FB asap.
Jo
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Hopefully, they can fix the problem for you. Thre's not much worse that back pain. Good luck for Monday.
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Thanks, Feral. I'll be back...it might be a little while. ;o)
Jo
Comment from prettybluebirds
Excellent. Great story interesting and action filled. I am sure he will find the one who killed Pat. I will watch for more of this story. I could find no errors. Good work.
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2016
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Excellent. Great story interesting and action filled. I am sure he will find the one who killed Pat. I will watch for more of this story. I could find no errors. Good work.
Comment Written 14-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2016
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Thank you so much for reading and commenting on my story.
I have had some really bad pain lately with my back. I can't sit for very long spells. I'm having surgery Aug. 01 (Monday), hopefully, to correct the problem. I'm afraid they said I would have to be flat on my back for probably 2-6 weeks. I'm not sure how much time I'll be on the computer but will get back to the story and FB asap.
Jo
Comment from c_lucas
Cheating spouses should be hung low over an alligator pit. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read.
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2016
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Cheating spouses should be hung low over an alligator pit. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read.
Comment Written 13-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2016
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Thanks, c lucas, for reviewing my chapter. Evie is a very spoiled brat.
Jo
Comment from barkingdog
Renee had a terrible day not finding out anything new that could lead to who might have killed his partner and then he had to come home and face his drunk wife whom he suspects has been out with another man.
Lots of intrigue going on in such a short chapter.
You definitely kept me reading.
Your characters are interesting.
The dialogue is realistic.
Fine pacing.
:) e
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2016
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Renee had a terrible day not finding out anything new that could lead to who might have killed his partner and then he had to come home and face his drunk wife whom he suspects has been out with another man.
Lots of intrigue going on in such a short chapter.
You definitely kept me reading.
Your characters are interesting.
The dialogue is realistic.
Fine pacing.
:) e
Comment Written 13-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2016
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I'm glad you find my chapter interesting. I was afraid I might have put too much in this one. I wanted to end with some drama. That Evie, she's a spoiled one. I hope you will enjoy other chapters.
Jo
Comment from MTF1955
A very interesting chapter. I go to Houma often and I can see all this clearly in my mind. I like the dialect and the dialogue. Look forward to another chapter. Mary
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2016
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A very interesting chapter. I go to Houma often and I can see all this clearly in my mind. I like the dialect and the dialogue. Look forward to another chapter. Mary
Comment Written 12-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 13-Jul-2016
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I'm glad you are enjoying my chapters. Thanks for the encouragement.
Jo
