The Daredevil Girls From Bunker Hil
Viewing comments for Chapter 33 "Tabby's Tale: part one"A fantasy novel about good fighting evil.
27 total reviews
Comment from gamay
Hello Rhonda,
How are you and your family? Sorry for for not reviewing for many month. Because of internet problems and suffer many flood in here.But I will try to catch up.Anyway this very nice and well written chapter. Well done my friend.
Have a nice day,
gamay
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2016
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Hello Rhonda,
How are you and your family? Sorry for for not reviewing for many month. Because of internet problems and suffer many flood in here.But I will try to catch up.Anyway this very nice and well written chapter. Well done my friend.
Have a nice day,
gamay
Comment Written 21-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 21-Jul-2016
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Thank you so much for the review, gamay! I know it's not easy for you to get to a computer, and so appreciate the time you took to do so!
Thank you again, and God Bless,
Rhonda
Comment from A.A.A.EXHILARATING RIDE
Wow! This is becoming more and more gripping, and more than an amazingly good fantasy to me.
Forgive me, please, but Mike's near final words: `accept your destiny with the courage', pinpointed a healing challenge still lingering around `in the shadows of my memory where nightmares are kept' for me too!
And sadly, I don't need to assume: `I was injected with several powerful drugs that not only sedated me, but also messed with my ability to respond appropriately to my environment.'
However, if I - `tell you more about that during the story' - now - `Suffice it to say, some of my words and actions were - not - very atypical for the situation.' Sadly not an uncommon situation for those finally silenced and put away by our Mental Health Systems - many of them research victims too of most sacred bureaucracies too!
Sorry, Rhonda, an excellent write that maybe should not draw one in so powerfully, but many stories are much stranger than fiction, and not fantasy. Sadly, however, most are only heard forty years hence at a Royal Commission! And, not only will I not be here then, but need to embrace healing, a courage boost, empowerment, and the increasing strength of clarity as my destiny continues!
Six stars! And thanks for something extra special from this chapter, Maureen*&*
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2016
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Wow! This is becoming more and more gripping, and more than an amazingly good fantasy to me.
Forgive me, please, but Mike's near final words: `accept your destiny with the courage', pinpointed a healing challenge still lingering around `in the shadows of my memory where nightmares are kept' for me too!
And sadly, I don't need to assume: `I was injected with several powerful drugs that not only sedated me, but also messed with my ability to respond appropriately to my environment.'
However, if I - `tell you more about that during the story' - now - `Suffice it to say, some of my words and actions were - not - very atypical for the situation.' Sadly not an uncommon situation for those finally silenced and put away by our Mental Health Systems - many of them research victims too of most sacred bureaucracies too!
Sorry, Rhonda, an excellent write that maybe should not draw one in so powerfully, but many stories are much stranger than fiction, and not fantasy. Sadly, however, most are only heard forty years hence at a Royal Commission! And, not only will I not be here then, but need to embrace healing, a courage boost, empowerment, and the increasing strength of clarity as my destiny continues!
Six stars! And thanks for something extra special from this chapter, Maureen*&*
Comment Written 20-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2016
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Thank you, Maureen for your excellent review, and wonderful 6 star rating.
Thank you, as well, for pointing out the parts you could personally relate to, even if in a negative way.
The purpose behind this story is to get people to relate in a nontraditional setting. Each person who reads has their own lesson to get out of it.
Thanks again, my dear friend,
Rhonda
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Yes! You have a real gift. Me too, I feel, as so many precious souls, lock so much in humanity away, especially when it holds up so much many and their hierarchical establishment. I feel you realise your purpose well, and artistically! Thank you, enjoy your journey, Maureen*&*
Comment from F. Wehr3
Good chapter, Rhonda. I enjoyed Tabby's tale. She's a little firecracker. Good cliffhanger ending with Mike's threats.
He walked over to where Mike stood, and whispered something in his ear. -- you have a couple of these in the story. The comma is needed only when you have two subjects and two predicates. He performs two actions walked and whispered, so no comma needed before the conjunction.
As long as you don't smell like feces, you're okay." -- nice line!
Take care,
Russell
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2016
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Good chapter, Rhonda. I enjoyed Tabby's tale. She's a little firecracker. Good cliffhanger ending with Mike's threats.
He walked over to where Mike stood, and whispered something in his ear. -- you have a couple of these in the story. The comma is needed only when you have two subjects and two predicates. He performs two actions walked and whispered, so no comma needed before the conjunction.
As long as you don't smell like feces, you're okay." -- nice line!
Take care,
Russell
Comment Written 17-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2016
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Oh okay, thanks, that straightens things up a bit. Much appreciated, friend!!
Thanks for keeping abreast of the chapters and for your careful examination of the work. (no comma!)
Take care, Russell,
Rhonda
Comment from Pam (respa)
-This is quite a way to begin Tabby's story.
-We see Tabby in the basement, and considering her situation, she sticks up for herself very well!
-I like her response: "How thoughtful--- all dead people should be healthy. Oh well, not my culture, but still my problem." Still able to show wit and sarcasm.
-She also describes Mike Holly as repulsive; can't say I blame her!
-She also tries to have a conversation with Akie, for distraction purposes, I'm sure.
-I am sure the noise heard is the rest of the Daredevil team, and all you want, as a reader, is for them to burst into the room, disrupt everything, and get Tabby out of there!
-Another good response from Tabby to MH, "You look like an idiot."
-I think Tabby will be emotionally drained after telling about her experience.
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2016
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-This is quite a way to begin Tabby's story.
-We see Tabby in the basement, and considering her situation, she sticks up for herself very well!
-I like her response: "How thoughtful--- all dead people should be healthy. Oh well, not my culture, but still my problem." Still able to show wit and sarcasm.
-She also describes Mike Holly as repulsive; can't say I blame her!
-She also tries to have a conversation with Akie, for distraction purposes, I'm sure.
-I am sure the noise heard is the rest of the Daredevil team, and all you want, as a reader, is for them to burst into the room, disrupt everything, and get Tabby out of there!
-Another good response from Tabby to MH, "You look like an idiot."
-I think Tabby will be emotionally drained after telling about her experience.
Comment Written 16-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2016
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Thank you for the wonderful 6 stars, my friend!
Tabby is always the sassy one, but she's also under the influence of several powerful drugs that has her speak her mind--which is quite sarcrastic.
The noise might not quite be what you expect, but Tabby's response at the end is spot on. It is quite a horrible experience in spite of her attitude during the process.
Thank you so much for you review, comments and sparkling stars,
Rhonda
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You are very welcome for the stars and review. I say, "Good for Tabby." But hopefully it won't get her into trouble. I don't like thinking about the process too much, but at least we know she is alive to tell the story!
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Don't worry, help is on the way!!
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Sounds good:)
Comment from rspoet
Creepy. But that is what mummies stories are.
And scarabs aren't any better.
Holly and Akie, sounds like a bad comedy team
Looks like it's a good thing there are other daredevil girls around
not to mention, Sage, the talented cat
Tabby is pretty feisty for someone about to be mummified
The stage is set very well for the next episode
Very nicely done, my friend
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2016
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Creepy. But that is what mummies stories are.
And scarabs aren't any better.
Holly and Akie, sounds like a bad comedy team
Looks like it's a good thing there are other daredevil girls around
not to mention, Sage, the talented cat
Tabby is pretty feisty for someone about to be mummified
The stage is set very well for the next episode
Very nicely done, my friend
Comment Written 16-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2016
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Thank you so much, my friend! The comments are wonderful, and the stars brilliant!!
Tabby's feisty attitude is because it is her nature, and the drugs make her uninhibited. I'll draw those lines more when she explains herself later as a warning to the students. I had it in this chapter, but it just stood out preachy for the situation.
Again, thank you for so much,
Rhonda
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
I was really pleased to see the story told from Tabby's point of view, and find out what was going on down in the basement. You are doing a great job, Rhonda, because the story is gripping and convincing! Giddy
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2016
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I was really pleased to see the story told from Tabby's point of view, and find out what was going on down in the basement. You are doing a great job, Rhonda, because the story is gripping and convincing! Giddy
Comment Written 16-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2016
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Thank you, Giddy!! I'm glad it's still holding your attention.
Tabby is our flagship character in this story, or at least after Sally's part. I have to mix feisty with scared.
Thanks so much, my friend,
Rhonda
Comment from trumby
I love this story. I've been following it with interest for several months. It reminds me a lot of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer".
Tabby certainly sounds like she's in a fair bit of strife.
Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2016
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I love this story. I've been following it with interest for several months. It reminds me a lot of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer".
Tabby certainly sounds like she's in a fair bit of strife.
Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 16-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 17-Jul-2016
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Thank you, Trumby, what a wonderful comment! Vampires will show up soon, too! Lol,
I know you have been following the story, and I always look forward to your reviews.
Take care, my friend,
Rhonda
Comment from RPSaxena
Hello Rhonda,
It's a lovely piece in continuation, having impressive wording, smooth and captivating flow from the beginning to the end.
Interesting, especially the process of mummification leading one to think - what next!
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2016
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Hello Rhonda,
It's a lovely piece in continuation, having impressive wording, smooth and captivating flow from the beginning to the end.
Interesting, especially the process of mummification leading one to think - what next!
Comment Written 15-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2016
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Thank you for the beautiful six stars, my friend, and for the comments. I'm so glad it flowed well and that it held your interest. You have encouraged me with your support!
Rhonda
Comment from Ulla
Hi Rhonda, this is getting tense. I like the interaction and your story telling is excellent. Will her friends make it in time? Can't wait to see. All the best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2016
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Hi Rhonda, this is getting tense. I like the interaction and your story telling is excellent. Will her friends make it in time? Can't wait to see. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 15-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 15-Jul-2016
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Thanks, Ulla. I appreciate the review and comments, and your attention to the storyline.
Have a great weekend,
Rhonda
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Rhonda
= Excellent chapter for building the tension.
= It's good you're not rushing the ritual.
= Interesting how Akie seems to be afraid of Mike.
= As always, good storytelling, my friend.
(*>*) A Smile Is A Frown Turned Upside-down (*>*)
Cheers & Blessings ~ Jacqueline ~ Jackie ~ Jax
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2016
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Hi, Rhonda
= Excellent chapter for building the tension.
= It's good you're not rushing the ritual.
= Interesting how Akie seems to be afraid of Mike.
= As always, good storytelling, my friend.
(*>*) A Smile Is A Frown Turned Upside-down (*>*)
Cheers & Blessings ~ Jacqueline ~ Jackie ~ Jax
Comment Written 14-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 14-Jul-2016
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Thank you, Jax! I am trying to draw things out, but there might be an intervention in route!
I always appreciate the reviews you give. There's nothing like having an expert review your work....
Thanks!!
Rhonda
