Comment from nancy_e_davis

Excellent

I think I would have written about a horse for this contest.
I love horses, they are such noble animals and so beautiful.
I have owned horses much of my adult life and miss them now that they are gone. You capture the moment in your poem Steve.
Well done. Nancy

 Comment Written 08-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 08-Jul-2016

Thanks, Nancy.

We had horses when I was growing up, but I have never had the opportunity to have them since. They are indeed magnificent creatures!

Steve

Comment from strandregs

Excellent

Very nice. Even beautiful.
if you were a horse of course
you'd neigh away the day.
splashing spray, eating hay
And horsing in wet clay.
:-)) Z.

 Comment Written 08-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 08-Jul-2016

Nay!

Comment from Dean Kuch

Excellent

Excellent, Steve. A perfectly constructed English sonnet, in impeccable iambic pentameter.
It's a textbook example, flawless in it's delivery.
Perfect.
This was a true joy to read aloud. The bouncy rhythm of the words resounded like the beating of horses hooves as I read this aloud.
That did not go unnoticed.
Best of luck to you in the contest.
~Dean

 Comment Written 08-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 08-Jul-2016

Thanks, Dean. It was actually a bit of a rush job to get finished, but I am pretty pleased with the final result. Perhaps anapaestic os more commonly associated with galloping horses, but I reckon oambics will do as well.

Steve

reply by Dean Kuch on 08-Jul-2016

Either, or.
The rhythm is readily apparent when read aloud.
You're welcome.

Comment from Domino 2

Excellent

Thanks for entering, Steve.

Just a minor heads-up, you need to delete the 'author notes', as they're not allowed in the rules.

Excellent choice of animal, and you convey their wild spirit extremely well with top dramatic imagery and atmosphere.

I sometimes 'wish I was a horse', too - firstly for their ability to run free, and secondly to show off a huge penis. ;-)

Impeccable meter and rhyme in this top sonnet that deserves to contend strongly.

Good luck and best wishes, Ray.

 Comment Written 08-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 08-Jul-2016

Thanks, Ray. I've deleted the notes.

It was a bit of a rush, getting this finished, but I found a few minutes in between teaching today to get it posted.

Thanks for sponsoring the contest, too. I've been thinking of doing a sonnet one, as well, but maybe an Italian rather than English. That would make a noce change, I think, but we've been bombarded with sonnets lately, so maybe I'll wait a couple of weeks.

Steve

reply by Domino 2 on 08-Jul-2016

Good idea on the type of sonnet and the delay, Steve. I'm sonneted-out at the moment.

I was thinking about sponsoring a limerick contest, but I'm tired of so many UN-bawdy clean limericks that aren't limericks at all, apart from the structure and rhyme scheme. Cheers, Ray.

Comment from Jannypan (Jan)

Excellent

I really enjoyed your sonnet. It is beautiful. Your words are full of great imagery. You used enjambment skillfully, too.

I have trouble with meter, so I will not comment on that aspect. I do understand the rhyme--yours is great. Your couplet is a nice ending for your sonnet.

I see no changes.

Good job & best wishes in the contest. Jan

 Comment Written 08-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 08-Jul-2016

Thanks, Jan - glad you enjoyed.

Steve

Comment from nancyjam

Exceptional

i love your beautiful Sonnet, Steve.
The images are stunning.
Rhyme and meter are perfect.
Good use of alliteration with whinny/wakes and
crimson/crests.
Great closing couplet. Best of luck in the contest.
Nancy

 Comment Written 07-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 08-Jul-2016

Thanks, Nancy, for this great review. It was a bit of a rush to get this finished, but I'm quite pleased with the result!

Steve

Comment from Michael Ludwinder

Excellent

I too wish I was a horse and could enjoy what you described. Your descriptions were excellent. You do a great job of painting a picture. Well done.

 Comment Written 07-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 08-Jul-2016

Thanks, Michael. Horses are great animals and it's inspiring to see them running free.

Steve

Comment from Nika2016

Excellent

This should become a classic. It is very good and mythical in stature...larger than just life. The reader runs with the horses through creeks and canyons feeling the freedom. We have had wild horses here for over 20 years. The state tries to find homes for them. The people vote to let them run free.
Nice work.

 Comment Written 07-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 08-Jul-2016

Thanks, Nika. We have the same issues here with wild horses. They actually damage the environment and NZ is pretty hot on that, so they have to be culled. In recent years a group has sprung up which takes the captured horses and endeavours to find suitable homes for them - quite a good compromise.

We have even had a TV series called 'Keeping Up With the Kaimanawas' which deals with three sisters who have taken a number of the horses and broken them in. (Small joke at the Kardashians' expense, I think)

Steve

Comment from rama devi

Exceptional

As usual from you, this is masterfully penned with flawless meter, inventive rhymes (rooves and hooves) and superb alliteration plus other poetic devices. It also has a fine composition style and delightful imagery that captures the wild horses like a poetic portrait. Fine tribute. I especially enjoyed reading it aloud, and especially the W, C, S, R and H sounds in the first stanza.

A whinny wakes the valley, as the sun
paints crimson on the crests of hills and rooves.
The herd is restless; how they long to run.
I stir to hear the thunder of their hooves.

I read that aloud twice before continuing!

love the imagery in the third stanza.


Love the whimsy of your rhymes in the closing couplet--and its pitch perfect ending note:

And I, the watcher, follow in their course,
and wish, this morn, that I too was a horse.

 Comment Written 07-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 08-Jul-2016

Rama, thanks so much for your always expert review, and the six stars.

This ended up being a rush job and I wasn't at all sure how to approach it, so even this morning I had no idea what animal to choose.Then I wasn't too sure whether the poetic portrait snatches like the sunrise and flying water, were acceptable in what was supposed to be an animal theme... So, I am very glad to get your seal of approval!

Steve

reply by rama devi on 08-Jul-2016

Loved it! :-)))

Comment from damommy

Excellent

How lovely this is. I can feel the job of the horses as they up the hill.

Your descriptions are so vivid that it takes the reader right along with the horses.

Well done. Even though I don't much about sonnets, I do know when something is good, and this is! 8-)

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 07-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 08-Jul-2016

Thank you very much for the kind words - yes, I did try to take the reader along on that gallop!

Steve