Reviews from

Collateral Damage

Sonnetino

26 total reviews 
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
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This is very well written, mikey. I love the last two lines--perfect summation of war and the senselessness of it. A sad subject, but a great poem, my friend~Debbie

 Comment Written 04-Jul-2016

reply by the author on 05-Jul-2016
    So pleased you liked this, Debbie. I'm feeling better and starting to get caught up a bit. Way behind though. I'll be around soon. mikey
reply by dejohnsrld (Debbie) on 05-Jul-2016
    Glad you're feeling better, my friend~Debbie
reply by the author on 15-Aug-2016
    Sorry to be so late with this reply.
Comment from Neonewman
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What an interesting and somewhat challenging style lightink created. You certainly seem to tackled this with ease. Love Hate's demanding whore. I certainly can relate.
God bless!
Steve

 Comment Written 04-Jul-2016

reply by the author on 05-Jul-2016
    Glad you liked this, Steve. You should try this form, it's really a good one. Thanks a bunch, mikey
reply by Neonewman on 06-Jul-2016
    I will definitely give it a go.
Comment from brenda bickers
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Hi Mikey,
I am so far behind with my reviewing, Had an unexpected few days away over the weekend. couldn't do potlatch this week and so much catching up to do.
Great writing.
Brenda:))x

 Comment Written 04-Jul-2016

reply by the author on 05-Jul-2016
    Hi, Lady Brenda
    Shouldn't you be doing a White House Tour? Oh, I guess I haven't been elected yet. I'm always behind, no worries. Glad you enjoyed. You can do no wrong. mikey
Comment from strandregs
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Had to think hard about
hates demanding whore.
is love hates demanding whore?
Blimey I must be becoming dementiated.
I think war makes love go sour.
god I need a new brain.
:-)) Z.

 Comment Written 03-Jul-2016

reply by the author on 04-Jul-2016
    Hell, I don't know. Is that what I said? LOL mikey
Comment from nancy_e_davis
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I think all too often men go off to war and come home as a stranger due to PTSD. It has ruined many lives and will continue. It is collateral damage. Good use of the form. Nancy

 Comment Written 03-Jul-2016

reply by the author on 04-Jul-2016
    I saw quite a bit of it from friends returning from Vietnam. Very sad. A great form I think. You should join us. It really is fun. mikey
Comment from mountainwriter49
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Good Morning, Mikey,

I enjoyed reading your sonnetino this morning. You're theme is spot-on for the theme and the technique for this poetic form is spot-on. The iambics are smooth, enhanced by enjambment, and the rhymes are strong. I admired the slant rhyme of war / whore.

May I offer a suggestion for you to consider? Writing in iambic meter denotes somewhat of a more formal piece of writing. I truly think your poem would be significantly enhanced if you included appropriate punctuation and capitalization. For me, this would evolve the poem from a good poem to an exceptional one.

A good read this morning.
Ray

 Comment Written 03-Jul-2016

reply by the author on 04-Jul-2016
    Yes. Agree. With these speed challenges, I do tend to skip punctuation. I think I will go back as you suggest in a couple days and tidy it up, add the punctuation and see if it needs a word or two here and there. So pleased you enjoyed though. It's a fun way to write. More hits than misses oddly enough. mikey
Comment from Lovinia
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Hi Mikey

Brilliant presentation ... really triggers the emotions as I enter to read your words. So sad. This must hit deep in the hearts of those affected by the devastating trauma of war and the consequences so many have to deal with. How much changes after a wounding whether physically or mentally. So many robbed of the lives they should have returned to, and the loss of the family of a loved one who can no longer FEEL love. You really know how to grab the heart and twist until it bleeds tears. This is exceptional Mikey. I want to ball my eyes out. A lot different in concept to mine ... dark humour on a different battle front ... the D_word ... divorce ... or something worse. Mwahahaha!. A perfect sonnetino you have here. Hugs - Lovi xoxoxo

 Comment Written 03-Jul-2016

reply by the author on 04-Jul-2016
    What a great analysis. A little prose piece in its own write. :)) Thanks so much. I truly pleased you enjoyed. mikey
Comment from giraffmang
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Hi Mikey,

Has there ever been a more pointed and insidious phrase used than 'Collateral Damage'. It really says it all. there's always a fall out as you so well put across in this well written and well presented piece.

All the best
G

 Comment Written 03-Jul-2016

reply by the author on 04-Jul-2016
    Isn't that a great phrase. It sounds so harmless almost. Thanks a million. A great showing at Potlatch today. YES! It's growing. mikey
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
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Hello, Mike :)

I usually have an easy time reading the meaning of your poems but this one is a bit obscure for me. I think it's about a married couple that lost the love they once felt for each other. Marriage vows are not always easy to keep. Some people stay in an unhappy marriage due to circumstance. It sounds like this man had his fill of hate and he is ready to leave the whore behind. LoL, I hope I am not way off base here.

luv ya, brother Mike xoxoxox

Gypsy

 Comment Written 02-Jul-2016

reply by the author on 04-Jul-2016
    More than one person took it that way and it does make sense I think. Love and marriage can be much like a war.
    In this case, he actually went to a real war and came back screwed up and that's what ruined the marriage. But, that's not totally clear, so it has more than one answer. Good analysis. It means the same thing. mikey
Comment from fionageorge
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Hi Michael, well... I hadn't seen this potlatch challenge yet... not sure I can do this justice, but will give it a go. I have no idea what tercet means, but I will google. You are obviously familiar with this format, as you have done a great job, and have made it look easy. Warmest regards, Marijke :o)

Question:
but circumstance bought wounds... should that be bought (as in purchased) or brought (as in transported, carried etc.) I think it could be both. More a question than a spag.

 Comment Written 02-Jul-2016

reply by the author on 04-Jul-2016
    Tercet is one of those pretentious words that we use. It just means three lines. Lightink invented this earlier this year, it's like a miniature sonnet. Really cool. I think you'll love it. Gee, you have me thinking now. I'm not sure if I want bought or brought now. LOL I'll have to think some more. Maybe brought is better. We'll see. Thanks for pointing it out. mikey