Reviews from

The Daredevil Girls From Bunker Hil

Viewing comments for Chapter 31 "The Trap"
A fantasy novel about good fighting evil.

28 total reviews 
Comment from Mike Stevens
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Another fine chapter, Rhonda--poor Sally, but you know me, I can't stop picturing what a drunken elf would look like--pretty entertaining, I'll bet!

 Comment Written 01-Jul-2016


reply by the author on 01-Jul-2016
    I threw that one in for you and Fez. haha. It just sounded right at the moment, but may have to be changed before publishing as it's a young adult book!

    Thanks for the review!!

    Rhonda
reply by Mike Stevens on 01-Jul-2016
    You know us too well!
reply by Anonymous Member on 06-Jul-2016
    You know us too well!
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

This is just the sort of adventure that young people would be fascinated with. You have a good amount of enthusiasm and ingenuity by the girls and Bruce, Rhonda. This chapter has a fantastic ending, I was horrified! Well done, Giddy

 Comment Written 01-Jul-2016


reply by the author on 01-Jul-2016
    Thank you so much, Giddy!! I appreciate the six stars and am very impressed you still have one left. Mine disappear pretty quickly!
    Thanks, also, for the wonderful review and comments. I'm glad I was able to pull off a surprise, or at least horrifying moment!

    Take care,
    Rhonda
Comment from MTF1955
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Another great chapter. I had a hunch it was going to be Sally at the door. Poor Becky was surely unnerved in this chapter. This sentence doesn't read right:"It's not big, so should pull of easily." Look for to what happens next. Mary

 Comment Written 01-Jul-2016


reply by the author on 01-Jul-2016
    Okay, thanks. I messed with that area several times, and don't think I ended up with it as smooth as I would have liked. Thanks for the feedback!
    I showed Becky freaking out because I wanted to show that they were normal kids sometimes, too. Becky is often the "weak link" in many of the stories, but my idea is to show how they work together to help her, and she to help herself. Thanks for picking up on that.
Comment from royowen
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

The stunt to catch out Akie appears to have backfired against Sally, I hope she won't be hurt in the process, but then modern Sally is still here, where to from here? Rescuing Tabby is of paramount importance, I guess because of long term affect on her or anyone from Mike Holly's methods. Well done Rhonda, things are very exciting, blessings, Roy
Typo : so should pull of(f) easily.

 Comment Written 01-Jul-2016


reply by the author on 01-Jul-2016
    Well, what do they say about the best laid plans of mice and men?? Poor Daredevils are having a problem making it all work out.
    The challenge of my story is creating suspense when you know the character lived. Much easier in some of my other books when it's a toss up!

    Thanks for the review, Roy, as always, it is always most welcome.

    Have a great weekend,
    Rhonda
reply by royowen on 01-Jul-2016
    Very imaginative, you could have chosen the easy road, I'm sorry I didn't give it an extra star Rhonda, well done, Roy
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2016
    I appreciate your reviews, no matter how many stars, unless of course you gave me three, and then I would cry, but what I truly value is the way you have always reviewed my work, even when it's a fantasy chapter and not poetry.
    Thanks!!
reply by royowen on 02-Jul-2016
    I very rarely give four, and you could never fit that category, I got two stars the other day for a review that said it was really good poem, sheesh,
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2016
    I always ask on that, because sometimes it's an accident. I've had that happen when I'm reviewing, myself, especially with the iPad. I don't know why the tablet does that, but it does.
    That's actually how Feral and I struck up a friendship. I gave him, like a two, and didn't know how to correct it. He had to tell me.
    I guarantee you, you're work is always six star quality!!
    Have a great weekend,
    Rhonda
reply by royowen on 02-Jul-2016
    Thanks Rhonda, your a doll,
Comment from Mae 222
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

A fun read of your cute story, Rhonda. Tells of what they each had become
when each character grew up which is very interesting. I believe you are a
good writer of children books as you have great imaginations. Thank you so
much for sharing it. Blessings to you my friend.

Hugs, Mae222

 Comment Written 01-Jul-2016


reply by the author on 01-Jul-2016
    Thank you, Mae! You are so sweet to review and leave encouraging remarks. Have a great weekend,
    Rhonda
Comment from Dustybones
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Thank you for the explaination of the story as a reply to my review. That was very thoughtful. So the tomb or sarcophagus trap hits Sally by mistake? What a big mistake that is to happen to her, if I got the story correct. I got a little confused with the section of dialogue, but I get confused often. I wasn't sure who was telling the story. I had to check to see it was Elizabeth. Good story telling!

 Comment Written 01-Jul-2016


reply by the author on 01-Jul-2016
    Sorry about that on the dialogue. I started to go back to Nancy telling the story as it gets a bit confusing, but I try to include the other Daredevils as they offered to help tell the story. Thanks for joining back in, and for the beautiful 6 star review, my friend,
    Rhonda
reply by Dustybones on 01-Jul-2016
    :-).....Rhonda must have had noir in her veins instead of red blood cells. This dark first-person story has the reader inhabiting the mind of a killer in way that most authors can't even come close to matching. It's disturbing, chilling and one of the best pieces of crime fiction I?ve ever read.
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2016
    Wow, thank you, Dusty. You are supportive and encouraging. As far as the noir, what can I say, I'm Scorpio. Thanks ever so much!!
Comment from Jim Lorson Sr
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Another great story to keep the mystery going. i like the trap but unfortunately Sally instead of Aki walked into it. I hope Sally wasn't hurt too bad. Be nice if someone would get to the door before it closed. I am enjoying this more and more Rhonda.

Enjoy the holiday weekend. I know that I will,,,,,,,Jim

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 Comment Written 01-Jul-2016


reply by the author on 01-Jul-2016
    Thanks, my friend for the review and the well wishes for the holiday. I extend the same to you, and we all want to know how it goes!

    Sally, bless her heart, is pretty resilient! But it is quite a surprise for her.

    Rhonda
Comment from Douglas Paul
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I like this chapter. it was good to return to the group and get them back involved in the story. A bit of surprise at the end when Sally got caught in the trap. I will look forward to the next chapter.

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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 01-Jul-2016


reply by the author on 01-Jul-2016
    Thanks Douglas. Hey, I missed my favorite character yesterday... I need my mid week fix, you know! Lol, thanks for the review, friend.
reply by Douglas Paul on 01-Jul-2016
    Thanks, Rhonda, It seems that PB is suffering from a case of writers block at the moment. I think he will return soon, though
reply by the author on 01-Jul-2016
    Tell him he's a real writer now, as we've all had it from time to time--some of us pretty badly. Hope he works his way through it!