Comment from Sandra du Plessis

Excellent

A good Quinzaine. Though to my knowledge it should be one question with syllables and another question with three syllables. I have no idea if it ids acceptable but it works in this case.

 Comment Written 01-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 02-Jul-2016

Thanks, Sandra. The instructions are vague and there is little information elsewhere about what the format should be. Let's see how the committee views it.

Steve

reply by Sandra du Plessis on 02-Jul-2016

They may accept it that way. Holding thumbs.

Comment from flylikeaneagle

Excellent

Kiwisteveh: raging storms on the sea and where is the expert to calm the ship? I like the photo and the question on this. A family went out on sea on a small cruise. They never made their destination to Florida last week. So sad. Where was
the expert sailor? Where were the life vests? So sad...good awareness. flylikeaneagle

 Comment Written 01-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 02-Jul-2016

Thanks for your thoughtful response to this.

Steve

Comment from krys123

Excellent

Hello Steve;
-absolutely the contest instructions are not very clear and one could perceive them as the last two lines could be in question as one.
-Your imagery is distinctly clear and definitively expressive and vividly descriptive imagery in this writing is not only grammatically connected and your writing also is so conceivably understandable throughout your writing.
-Good luck in the contest and may the good Lord be with you always Steve.
Alex

 Comment Written 01-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 02-Jul-2016

Thanks for the kind words, Alex.

Steve

reply by krys123 on 02-Jul-2016

You are very welcome Steve.
Alex

Comment from ciliverde

Excellent

Very cool - Bravo! I really like this. I don't always love this form, but this one is very good. Where's the captain? I was just talking to Robert (rspoet) about climate change, and now this - the captain has indeed left our ship, if there ever was one.

Carol

 Comment Written 01-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 02-Jul-2016

Thanks, Carol.

My own reckoning would be that this ship sailed without anyone in command, and now the lunatic crew are trying to take charge...

Steve

Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose

Good

Hello, my friend.

Nice theme and presentation :)

Quinzaine form is one statement and two questions of that statement.

--"A quinzaine is an unrhymed verse of fifteen syllables. These syllables are distributed among three lines so that there are seven syllables in the first line, five in the second line and three in the third line (7/5/3). The first line makes a statement. The next two lines ask a question relating to that statement."

Reference:
Shadow Poetry - Poetry Types - Quinzaine
www.shadowpoetry.com â?¼ resources â?¼ wip

The format is wrong. You are missing a question but the rest of the poem is good.

If you decide to edit let me know and I will change my rating. It's an easy fix.

 Comment Written 01-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 01-Jul-2016

Hi, and thanks for the review.

It's nice that you can be so definite about the form. The instructions here (and on Shadow Poetry) say:
The first line makes a statement. The next two lines ask A question relating to that statement.

I have capitalised the word 'A' - last time I checked, that indicated a singular. It doesn't say the last two lines EACH ask a question, it just says A question. I could also point you to a different site which specifically states that line 2 begins a question and line 3 completes it.

I am aware that the judging committee may follow your interpretation rather than mine, but that's all it is, an interpretation, since this is a recently invented form, and nobody seems to know who actually invented it.

Have a nice day and don't believe everything you read on the internet.

Steve

Comment from evilynne

Excellent

Well, I don't know much about poetic forms but it is a well stated piece. It goes well with the picture. I wish you the best of luck in the contest! Evi

 Comment Written 01-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 02-Jul-2016

Thanks for the kind words.

Steve

Comment from Lynn27

Good

I like the poem that drew me into this piece. The photo is a perfect match.


The reason for the rating:

You need two questions. You only have one question that's incorrect format according to the contest.

If you changed this let me I will change the rating.

Lynn

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 01-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 01-Jul-2016

Hi, Lynn, and thanks for the review.

It's nice that you can be so definite about the form. The instructions here (and on Shadow Poetry and Wikipedia) say:
The first line makes a statement. The next two lines ask A question relating to that statement.

I have capitalised the word 'A' - last time I checked, that indicated a singular. It doesn't say the last two lines EACH ask a question, it just says A question. I could also point you to a different site which specifically states that line 2 begins a question and line 3 completes it.

I am aware that the judging committee may follow your interpretation rather than mine, but that's all it is, an interpretation, since this is a recently invented form, and nobody seems to know who actually invented it.

Have a nice day.

Steve

reply by Lynn27 on 01-Jul-2016

I went by what Fanstory is looking for by their example and not Wikipedia. That's what you need to follow.

Good luck.

reply by the author on 01-Jul-2016

Yes, but my point is that what FanStory says, and what they show in their example are two different things. Their instructions are ambiguous.

reply by Lynn27 on 01-Jul-2016

I enjoyed your work, and I liked this poem. If wasn't in the contest. It would have been five stars.

If you happy this poem that's what matters.

reply by the author on 01-Jul-2016

Thanks, Lynn. I do the same thing with ratings if I believe an author has not followed instructions.

I found that it was next to impossible to get anything meaningful if you had to have two questions, one of them with only three syllables, so this alternative made more sense to me.

Yes, I am happy with the poem as it stands.

reply by Lynn27 on 01-Jul-2016

Have a good day.

Comment from barkingdog

Excellent

I read the directions again and it does say A question in the last two lines.
It say nothing about each line having to be a question.
I wonder what the judges will say?
This interpretation of the rules is much easier to write than two short questions following a statement. I tried and gave up.

I think the captain was washed overboard. haha

Nice 'l' consonance in the final line.

Good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 01-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 02-Jul-2016

Thanks, Ellen.

Warren Rodgers also write one like this. We're both risking getting disqualified, I guess. As you found, it is net to impossible to write anything meaningful the other way.

Steve

reply by barkingdog on 02-Jul-2016

The powers that be love to write prompt directions that confuse.
This prompt could be interpreted either way.
If Warren read it the same as you, you're not alone. That should tell them something about their directions.
Yes, I gave up.
Rama managed one that's not too bad.
Most are lacking.

:) e

Comment from LIJ Red

Excellent

Oh Captain, my Captain said what's his name. That Potlatch free verse guy. I googled Quinzaine and sure enough, sometimes the form's second and third lines are one question only. No reflections on the faraway Brexit exit of the PM, I hope...

 Comment Written 01-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 02-Jul-2016

Thanks for the thoughts. No, not a reflection on the Brexit, although the UK is looking rather leaderless at the moment!

I didn't know that Whitman poem was about Abe Lincoln until I googled it just now...

Steve

Comment from penelopehart

Excellent

I still haven't completely understood the Quinzaine line count, so please excuse me, but it seems up to interpretation.
Your image is stormy, that's for sure.
You have a good question there, but I thought there should have been two.
All the best.

 Comment Written 01-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 02-Jul-2016

Thank you.

That's the debate really - one question or two. Instructions say 'lines 2 and 3 should pose a question. NOT ' should each pose a question'.

Of course the rather silly example poem they give does have two questions, but elsewhere on the web there are sites that say one. Enough confusion to try it this way which is easier and permits a more coherent thought.

Steve