Mom's a Killer
Potlatch Challenge #5 MURDER33 total reviews
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Hello, sweetie pie,
What an awesome flash thriller. In just 236 words you managed a comprehensive and suspenseful plot with a great ending.
I think, Clinton was schizophrenic and killed his parents then he killed himself.
Well done!
I apologize for the slow coming reviews. I'm taking a meter class that is very hard for me. I'm more of a free verse poet but I decided it was time to branch out.
Gypsy hugs
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2016
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Hello, sweetie pie,
What an awesome flash thriller. In just 236 words you managed a comprehensive and suspenseful plot with a great ending.
I think, Clinton was schizophrenic and killed his parents then he killed himself.
Well done!
I apologize for the slow coming reviews. I'm taking a meter class that is very hard for me. I'm more of a free verse poet but I decided it was time to branch out.
Gypsy hugs
Comment Written 28-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2016
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You brave soul. Meter is not for the meek of heart. Free verse is more to my liking.
Clinton, a schizo. That's another story. LOL
So glad you found this awesome and suspenseful.
Comment from Louise Michelle
OMG - this is an amazing write, especially considering you produced it so quickly. Classifying it as horror was smart because it completely fooled me in the end.
The ending was surprising and brilliant on many levels. The boy had to prove he wasn't chicken like Dad, pun intended, but still didn't have the heart to kill animals.
Tossing in the line about Mom threatening Dad would be next was a stroke of genius. In reality, we often make idle and exaggerated threats, so the line worked to further trick your readers. I can't praise this enough, Shari.
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2016
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OMG - this is an amazing write, especially considering you produced it so quickly. Classifying it as horror was smart because it completely fooled me in the end.
The ending was surprising and brilliant on many levels. The boy had to prove he wasn't chicken like Dad, pun intended, but still didn't have the heart to kill animals.
Tossing in the line about Mom threatening Dad would be next was a stroke of genius. In reality, we often make idle and exaggerated threats, so the line worked to further trick your readers. I can't praise this enough, Shari.
Comment Written 28-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2016
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I'm so glad you found this believable. I had one four from a reader who didn't think the suicide rang true. You caught all the clues. Great pun on chicken. LOL
Thanks for the sixer. A good start for my day!
I surprised even myself when I started writing.
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Everyone reacts differently. Can't please all the people all the time.
Comment from Walu Feral
G'day Shari. Crikey mate! That is one heck of a scary yarn. You certainly had me going thinking she was a serial killer. Very nice twist at the end. I'm enjoying these stories in these interesting challenges.
Well done.
Cheers Fez
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2016
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G'day Shari. Crikey mate! That is one heck of a scary yarn. You certainly had me going thinking she was a serial killer. Very nice twist at the end. I'm enjoying these stories in these interesting challenges.
Well done.
Cheers Fez
Comment Written 28-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 28-Jun-2016
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Thanks, Fez, for another warm review. I love the challenges because they give me a theme to work with.
Comment from Mary Wakeford
Intense, quick, and filled with all the emotions of a conflicted son who doesn't want to be anything like his dad, nor want to live with a nutcase of a mother. Can't say I blame him! You've succeeded well with the potlatch challenge of MURDER!
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2016
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Intense, quick, and filled with all the emotions of a conflicted son who doesn't want to be anything like his dad, nor want to live with a nutcase of a mother. Can't say I blame him! You've succeeded well with the potlatch challenge of MURDER!
Comment Written 27-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2016
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Thanks, Mary. These challenges are bringing out the best in me. I don't have to think about a theme!
Comment from robyn corum
Wow, Shari. THAT was totally unexpected. *smile* I don't know what I WAS expecting, but just not THAT. I love the short stuff, the quick reads, and it's so good to see you doing that again. Thanks!
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2016
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Wow, Shari. THAT was totally unexpected. *smile* I don't know what I WAS expecting, but just not THAT. I love the short stuff, the quick reads, and it's so good to see you doing that again. Thanks!
Comment Written 27-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2016
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It feels good to get away from my bio which is almost finished. I'm so happy about the challenge that forces me to come up with something just to prove I can do it. Never knew I could write a horror story. I love the FF too.
Comment from IndianaIrish
Excellent flash fiction for the potlatch challenge, Shari. I think your story has a great twist, and I didn't read anything that wasn't needed to tell the flash story. I totally enjoyed the tale.
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2016
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Excellent flash fiction for the potlatch challenge, Shari. I think your story has a great twist, and I didn't read anything that wasn't needed to tell the flash story. I totally enjoyed the tale.
Smiles,
Karyn :-)
Comment Written 27-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2016
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Thanks, Karyn. That means a lot coming from you. :-)
Comment from Ulla
Wow, you really had me going there for a minute, thinking the mother was killing people instead of animals. Great twist in the end however sad. Well done. All the best. Ulla:))
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2016
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Wow, you really had me going there for a minute, thinking the mother was killing people instead of animals. Great twist in the end however sad. Well done. All the best. Ulla:))
Comment Written 27-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2016
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Yea! Nice to know I can fool the public. LOL
Comment from TheresaWilliams
Dang, girl! That's some S&$T! Awesome writing! The imagery is fantastic. I felt as if I were there and it sure felt creepy! Love it, love it, love it!
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2016
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Dang, girl! That's some S&$T! Awesome writing! The imagery is fantastic. I felt as if I were there and it sure felt creepy! Love it, love it, love it!
Comment Written 27-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2016
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Can you put a little more enthusiasm into your reviews? LOL
Thanks for the six and all the compliments.
Hugs,
Shari
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LOL! I'll try!
Comment from jpduck
A neatly set out piece of flash fiction. Unfortunately the first twist (farmer's wife slaughtering for the butcher) was highly predictable, but not the child's suicide. I felt that seemed extremely unlikely.
Adrian
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reply by the author on 27-Jun-2016
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A neatly set out piece of flash fiction. Unfortunately the first twist (farmer's wife slaughtering for the butcher) was highly predictable, but not the child's suicide. I felt that seemed extremely unlikely.
Adrian
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2016
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This was his idea of bravery. Sorry that didn't come through.
Comment from Domino 2
Hi, Shari.
I wasn't too sure about, 'Could mom do that?' - do you mean, 'stitch up his wound', OR. 'slaughter the chickens'?
I sometimes guess the upcoming twist, but you completely foxed me with the clever turn.
Very sad ending, as the son disposes of himself, but on the bright side, Mom won't have to slaughter so many animals for home consumption, with one less mouth to feed. LOL.
Great fun (and very spooky to start) read.
Cheers, Ray xx
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2016
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Hi, Shari.
I wasn't too sure about, 'Could mom do that?' - do you mean, 'stitch up his wound', OR. 'slaughter the chickens'?
I sometimes guess the upcoming twist, but you completely foxed me with the clever turn.
Very sad ending, as the son disposes of himself, but on the bright side, Mom won't have to slaughter so many animals for home consumption, with one less mouth to feed. LOL.
Great fun (and very spooky to start) read.
Cheers, Ray xx
Comment Written 27-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 27-Jun-2016
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Mom could stitch up the wound, is what I intended. The last line was a last minute thought as a more terrifying action. :-)
Hugs,
Shari
