Waw, Huh!
minutes for the challenge10 total reviews
Comment from brenda bickers
Hi LIJ RED,
I think I understand your take on war. To have another show interest in your home and family that threatens who you are and what you have then there really is no other way out. We as humans fight for what we believe is ours.
A great take on war.
Brenda:))x
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2016
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Hi LIJ RED,
I think I understand your take on war. To have another show interest in your home and family that threatens who you are and what you have then there really is no other way out. We as humans fight for what we believe is ours.
A great take on war.
Brenda:))x
Comment Written 26-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2016
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There was a great uprising against the draft. What greater loss of freedom could there be than being taken from one's home and ordered to kill or die? Hopefully mankind is maturing, but it is slow. Thanks very much for reading and reviewing.
Comment from Leineco
LOL - two for the price of one, huh?
Both are painted with a tongue-in-cheek hue of lampoonery.
The first, perhaps biting. . .the second, bawdy :-)
I enjoyed both of these Minutes equally :-)
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2016
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LOL - two for the price of one, huh?
Both are painted with a tongue-in-cheek hue of lampoonery.
The first, perhaps biting. . .the second, bawdy :-)
I enjoyed both of these Minutes equally :-)
Comment Written 26-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2016
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Biting and bawdy is what the young soldier or sailor would want to hear about his poetry. I can't imagine an army of old men. Thanks very much for reading and reviewing.
Comment from Lovinia
Hi LIJ
LOL The title is so YOU!! Two great minute poems, well done. I can't say they run off each other's back. lol Two completely different strands of the same head of hair, if you know what I mean. The same DNA. :))
We Aussie's probably had more than a few larrikins with the POV in your second poem. They love their beer, and I'm sure, the sergeant's wife.
Your actual poem for the potlatch is intriguing. I guess it depends on which side you'e fighting on to determine just who is the enemy. There has been cruelty on both sides, and honour on both sides ... just viewed differently. A lot to consider in these few short stanzas. I like your unique expressions of war, and what you bring to mind in both of these poems. Well done. Hugs - Lovi xoxo
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2016
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Hi LIJ
LOL The title is so YOU!! Two great minute poems, well done. I can't say they run off each other's back. lol Two completely different strands of the same head of hair, if you know what I mean. The same DNA. :))
We Aussie's probably had more than a few larrikins with the POV in your second poem. They love their beer, and I'm sure, the sergeant's wife.
Your actual poem for the potlatch is intriguing. I guess it depends on which side you'e fighting on to determine just who is the enemy. There has been cruelty on both sides, and honour on both sides ... just viewed differently. A lot to consider in these few short stanzas. I like your unique expressions of war, and what you bring to mind in both of these poems. Well done. Hugs - Lovi xoxo
Comment Written 26-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2016
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To hear the title vocalized, Google Edwin Starr's song, War. I was a sailor in the middle of a war, but my
job was super safe and dry.(like the poem about the red-faced fat majors who drink their beer and toddle home to die in bed) This topic was an easy one. Now we're due a change...
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Your 2 poems are in good form. Both tell a good story in their own way. You did a great job characterizing the foe as just like you in the first poem. Your second poem reminds me of a young man who had to grow up fast when he entered the service. Good job. I like the music notes in your author notes.
Good job and thanks for sharing. Jan
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2016
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Your 2 poems are in good form. Both tell a good story in their own way. You did a great job characterizing the foe as just like you in the first poem. Your second poem reminds me of a young man who had to grow up fast when he entered the service. Good job. I like the music notes in your author notes.
Good job and thanks for sharing. Jan
Comment Written 25-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 26-Jun-2016
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I think Mel Tillis sang Ruby(don't take your love to town) first, but Kenny hit the charts with it in June of 1969.Thanks very much for reading and reviewing.
Comment from Jay Squires
Is your first poem a Waw? And the second a Huh? I remember you wrote once before a story about the sergeant's wife. You were kinda randy back then, eh, Red.
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2016
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Is your first poem a Waw? And the second a Huh? I remember you wrote once before a story about the sergeant's wife. You were kinda randy back then, eh, Red.
Comment Written 25-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2016
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Good God Y'all, Edwin Starr summed it up. No sailor in his early twenties is free from all hints of lechery, I fear. Thanks much for reading and reviewing, Jay.
Comment from ciliverde
Bravo, Red, for the line
"and that swine who
is just like you."
I think you get the prize for best poem this time, for that line alone. It kinda boils things down to the essence. Goddammit, war sucks.
Carol
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2016
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Bravo, Red, for the line
"and that swine who
is just like you."
I think you get the prize for best poem this time, for that line alone. It kinda boils things down to the essence. Goddammit, war sucks.
Carol
Comment Written 25-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2016
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War and all the little everyday mean things we do to each other, even the people we love...but war is the big one, the daddy of all bad scenes. Thanks very much for reading and reviewing.
Comment from Dean Kuch
Okay, two Minute poems for the price of one post, now that's what I call being frugal with your member bucks.
Both Minute poems were perfectly written too, but I did prefer the second one best.
Good take on the Potlatch, red.
~Dean :)
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2016
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Okay, two Minute poems for the price of one post, now that's what I call being frugal with your member bucks.
Both Minute poems were perfectly written too, but I did prefer the second one best.
Good take on the Potlatch, red.
~Dean :)
Comment Written 25-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2016
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Navy CTs are the number one REMFs, but the USAF 6917th Security Group was right in there with us.
Thanks for reading and reviewing-I almost deleted the second one but thought, well, hell...
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
Both poems are very well-written. War change people from bad to the worse they can be. Seldom it happens that some one returns from war a better person.
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2016
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Both poems are very well-written. War change people from bad to the worse they can be. Seldom it happens that some one returns from war a better person.
Comment Written 25-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2016
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Thanks very much for reading and reviewing. I was in a Navy hardly distinguishable from a peace-time Service, so I can't tell real war stories...
Comment from Joy Graham
- good syllable count except you exceeded the three stanzas. the minute poem is made up of 60 syllables, the same as 60 seconds makes up a minute, hence the name minute poem
- I like your title, it's so uniquely you, and made me smile
- good rhymes
- I like the ending reference to the sarge's wife
Despite the lengthy, you got the war theme quite well and did a good job!
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2016
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- good syllable count except you exceeded the three stanzas. the minute poem is made up of 60 syllables, the same as 60 seconds makes up a minute, hence the name minute poem
- I like your title, it's so uniquely you, and made me smile
- good rhymes
- I like the ending reference to the sarge's wife
Despite the lengthy, you got the war theme quite well and did a good job!
Comment Written 25-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2016
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I hope we're being informal. That second minute just rolled out, like a burp. I just left it, hoping for a laugh, and wrote the first one as my actual entry. Let me edit it and say as much. Thanks very much for reading and reviewing.
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Yes, informal. Absolutely. The potlatch is a fun challenge where we learn something new together.
Comment from Gloria ....
Okay Ellijay! No fair, you did two minutes, but I gotta say it's like getting the whole story here. I love the up close and personal touch and the emotion that is a tad diluted by the consumption of a few too many libations.
Terrific metre and rhymes and a whale of a poem. I like this a lot. Is it fiction?
Great job.
Gloria
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2016
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Okay Ellijay! No fair, you did two minutes, but I gotta say it's like getting the whole story here. I love the up close and personal touch and the emotion that is a tad diluted by the consumption of a few too many libations.
Terrific metre and rhymes and a whale of a poem. I like this a lot. Is it fiction?
Great job.
Gloria
Comment Written 25-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 25-Jun-2016
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Four years in the Navy, in the middle of the Viet Nam war. Visited a ship once at the docks. Worked a forty hour week in air conditioned radio rooms. Had the wife with me on all tours but one. You just don't get any more rear-echelon than that...and got extra pay for the hardships. I started the second minute, then wrote the first, then thought, what the heck...
