Comment from VictoriaJoyce

Exceptional

What more could I add to the already wonderful reviews you have received on your writing. Enjoyed your writing. I try to remember to read some of the works from those who have been so gracious to review my posts.

 Comment Written 13-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 13-Jul-2016

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your beautiful and thoughtful review! What a wonderful gesture to write a review for others who have reviewed your work!!
Especially thanks for the wonderful six stars! You're a sweetheart!

Rhonda

reply by VictoriaJoyce on 13-Jul-2016

You are welcome!

Comment from Ginger Banks

Excellent

This is getting to be more interesting as the chapters pass through. I look forward to reading the other chapters. I sincerely thank you for sharing.

 Comment Written 08-Jul-2016

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reply by the author on 08-Jul-2016

Aww, you even went back another chapter. Sorry, I read these in reverse. I do appreciate the time you've taken,
Rhonda

reply by Ginger Banks on 08-Jul-2016

You're welcome.

Comment from MelB

Excellent

Sorry this is a late review. My son's open house was last weekend, so things have been crazy. I'm so glad Sage got the key. Hopefully, they can get the other DDG free and get out of there.

 Comment Written 29-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 30-Jun-2016

Thanks, Melissa. I understand on the reviewing! I'm in Maryland visiting my daughter and grandkids, and have gotten woefully behind.
I appreciate the review any time you get to it!
Take care,
Rhonda

Comment from Dustybones

Excellent

Hello, I read the Chapter. It's great writing. I'm very late to be jumping at this point to know what is going on in the plot. Sounds like there's going to be a big fight to get the out and back to safety.

 Comment Written 28-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 30-Jun-2016

Thanks so much for reviewing, even if you are late into the game.

Okay, summary: Nancy Jordan is a middle school science teacher, whose principal and students have found out she's was once a Daredevil Girl, a group of kids who fight crimes committed by supernatural villains. He principal, Mrs. Pierson, asks her to tell her stories once a month at an assembly, the first of which is on Halloween. Reluctantly she agrees, and so the stories begin.
The other members of the Daredevil Girls, which later include a guy, Bruce, show up to help he tell the stories. Meanwhile, a group of her students are organizing to be "Daredevil Girl Supporters", but show inclinations to be members themselves.

In the first story, the girls were in the 7th grade, and chanced upon a haunted house. There Sally, the youngest member, and the leader, Nancy's little sister, is captured in the house. Enlisting the help of a ghost named Maggie, they are able to rescue her from the evil witch, Mildred, who held her captive.

Second story begins two years later in their lives. Bruce receives an invitation to the opening of a them park, Little Egypt, because he's a history buff. Allowing Bruce to now officially become a member of the group, the DDG's are taken on a "tour" by an "iffy", but handsome, man named Ahmed. This guy ends up taking Sally at gunpoint, and forcing everyone to climb an enormously tall staircase to the top of the pyramid. He then reveals himself to be Akhenaten II, a reanimated mummy. He plans to use the DDG's to replenish his family with their sacrifices. He starts with Tabby, who is African American, to reanimate his favorite half sister, who was Nubian.
He gasses the kids, locks them upstairs, and makes away with the unconscious Tabby. Sally, meanwhile, has snuck off and follows Akie and Tabby. Once free, she gets the help of two boys, Kith and Jason, captives as well. Sage, an official DDG cat, and one rescued from the witch, has extraordinary human like characteristics.
This should get you up to the present!

Thanks for you review,
Rhonda

Comment from F. Wehr3

Excellent

Okay, I remember Mike Holly from one of the previous chapters. So, he's a bad guy. Great scene with Sage getting the key, and I loved her mewing her consent at the end.

"Now I take the key, and go save my friends so they can help us storm the basement." -- Really clean writing, Rhonda. I suggest deleting the comma after key and adding one before so.

Take care,
Russell

 Comment Written 28-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 30-Jun-2016

Thank you, Russell. We'll hear more from Mike Holly later, but he is quite the bad guy, I assure you!
I appreciate the comments, they are very helpful.
Take care,
Rhonda

Comment from Ulla

Excellent

Hi Rhonda, this is brilliant. Not only the story, but your writing is getting better and better all the time. I'm crossing fingers that they'll come out of this dilemma in one piece. Love it. Please hurry with the next part. All the best. Ulla:)))

 Comment Written 28-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 28-Jun-2016

Thank you, Ulla. I'm glad my writing is improving. I'm trying to take to heart all the suggestions from reviewers. I'm working on the next one,
Thanks, again,
Rhonda

Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep

Excellent

Third last paragraph: 'of' use (second line)
great story for young adults, Rhonda, with excellent tension towards the end. I find it most engaging even myself and can't wait to read the next chapters, Giddy

 Comment Written 27-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 28-Jun-2016

Thank you, Giddy. I'm glad it's engaging, and thanks for the Spag alert! I always look forward to your reviews,
Rhonda

Comment from Pam (respa)

Exceptional

-Well written chapter.
-I think the purpose is to set plans in motion to help get Jason, Kith, the Daredevil Girls, Guy, and cat out of there.
-I like the typical cafeteria type antics used by kids in the beginning.
-Jason and Kith had a lot of practice in distracting MH, and Sally went right along, too.
-The paragraph beginning "It makes you one lone boy in a sea of enemies who had no choice but to stay..." sets an excellent example for anyone who may doubt their actions.
-The plan is agreed upon; we'll now see how it actually works.

 Comment Written 27-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 28-Jun-2016

Thank you for the wonderful six star review, and for letting me know how you feel about the individual parts!
Spoiler alert, were about to switch speakers...
Thanks again,
Rhonda

reply by Pam (respa) on 28-Jun-2016

You are very welcome. We're going to leave things hanging, just when the kitty was okay; they had a plan?! That's the way of a good story; will just have to have more suspense:)

Comment from rspoet

Exceptional

The story proceeds nicely, setting up the escape plan
The old decoy: pretend to eat and spit into a napkin
is familiar to many kids, especially ones who don't like vegetables
Kids will love to read that a Daredevil Girl does it too
they'll also like the idea that "fragile" boys
are included in the escape plan
I like the way you include and encourage all readers
with the various characters of different abilities
Nicely done
How will they escape?
Mum(mie)'s the word
till next time

 Comment Written 27-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 28-Jun-2016

Thanks for the beautiful six stars!!! I always appreciate the encouragement. I know we only have six to give away each week, and many works to review, so I treasure them when they appear.
I try to put things in, like spitting food in the napkin to make my characters seem more real.
Also, you hit on one of my main themes- that everyone has a part to play, no matter how limited. The characters are all flawed, bout come together as a group. I'm glad you noticed!
Mummies the word- love it!
Take care,
Rhonda

Comment from Brett Matthew West

Excellent

Several instances of not attributing speaking parts to those who utter the words.

Well written story that holds interest throughout, with this one exception.

The plan stated at the end of the story tends to lead to the credence there is more action to come.

 Comment Written 26-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 26-Jun-2016

I'm not sure what corrections you wanted. I am working on reducing "speech tags" or too many, he said, she saids, and other tags. If there were certain parts that didn't communicate, please let me know,
Rhonda