Comment from GoodHearted Woman

Excellent

Well, Miss Rhonda: I see I've run across (by design?) a real pro. This is where I would use "gripping". But I will "warn" you (don't be scared) that I never read sci-fi or fantasy, so am totally unfamiliar with its wiles. Laugh. My daughter, 52, is hooked on it and spend hours on the phone telling me the whole plot and who everybody is
and what's going on. Since she has free minutes, I just settle in and listen. But I can foresee getting 'hooked' myself, and am really impressed with the amount of material you have produced--my gosh! Since I'm in my 80th yr., I don't see that much time left. But I think I will read and write and enjoy 'til my last breath. This
all happened in an odd way, didn't it? GoodHearted Woman (Marcia)

 Comment Written 27-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 27-Jun-2016

Aww, that is so sweet! I'm glad you've decided to keep your mind busy. It is my belief such will keep you aware and long lived for many years to come.
To think I might get you hooked on Sci Fi would give me and your daughter unending joy, you can be sure!
Thanks so much for you remarks, and time on the story!

Rhonda

reply by GoodHearted Woman on 27-Jun-2016

We shall see .......

Comment from A.A.A.EXHILARATING RIDE

Excellent

Well, Rhonda, glad to have my quotation mark queries answered for a while. I shall read with new awareness, thanks. I am really enjoying catching up on the adventure and your writing process. Happy Sunday, Maureen*&*

 Comment Written 25-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 26-Jun-2016

Thank you, Maureen! Have a great Sunday as well,
Rhonda

Comment from boxergirl

Excellent

Good morning, Rhonda,
Great job with your continuation of your story line. Suspenseful and strong imagery! I hope Sage won't be trapped now that the vent is closed. :-)

 Comment Written 23-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 23-Jun-2016

She's a cat, she always lands on her feet, haha.
Thanks for the wonderful review, and for the great comments.
Take care,
Rhonda

Comment from Pam (respa)

Excellent

-This procedure, and it's only the beginning, is really creepy.
-We learn that Mike Holly really is in charge, which isn't all that surprising. He is the one that built this "park," and I think that Akie is living a "pipe dream" about being Pharoah. Either that, or Mike Holly has done a good job of brainwashing him. Maybe Mike Holly intends to take over the world, or at least some of it.
-Kith, Jason, and Sally listen. Sally is also appalled. They have a good plan by sending Sage to get the key, but now MH has shown up.
-It seems that Kith has a good idea to loosely screw the duct, and I am guessing that is so Sage can get back through it; although I hadn't thought how she was going to get out of there, but I guess the plan was for the three kids to go in and get Tabby and Sage, but it is complicated.
-Good job with the chapter.

 Comment Written 22-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 23-Jun-2016

Thank you so much for the wonderful review!
You are definitely spot on for part of it! I can't tell you which parts...
I will tell you that you've gotten closer than most.
I so appreciate it.
Rhonda

reply by Pam (respa) on 23-Jun-2016

You are welcome. Glad some of my musings were closer than most. I have since had a few others, but will wait and see.

Comment from rspoet

Exceptional

There isn't too much violence, yet, just impending violence
You've certainly created a dilemma worthy of the Daredevil girls
Just when it looks hopeful, another twist in the plot
Seems like it's up to Sally and Sage
Unless reinforcements arrive soon
If it weren't for the time shift, I'd think this
might not be supernatural, just super creepy
This reads quite smoothly.
I'm not sure if it's the quotation marks or just the dialogue.
An excellent chapter for the story of The Mummies
Well done!

 Comment Written 22-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 23-Jun-2016

Thank you so much, my friend. I appreciate the stars and the remarks.
It will show it's supernatural side pretty soon, but this one is more creepy than "otherworldly".
Like the last episode, this one sets up the "outer" story that is ripe with fantasy.
I'm glad you like the quotation mark change, I know I do!
No spoilers on the cavalry, but I'm glad the stage is set.
Thanks again,
Rhonda

Comment from Bill Schott

Excellent

This was a very interesting place for me to start reading your story. The situation is intriguing and somewhat worked out for a visiting reader to get an idea of what is happening. Your introduction to the storyline and list of characters is very helpful as I plan to goo back through as much as I can to sort the story out.

 Comment Written 22-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 23-Jun-2016

Thank you, BIll. I would welcome your reading further, though any point along the way is helpful to me. I appreciate you taking your time.
Rhonda

Comment from mfowler

Excellent

This is a very well structured chapter, easy to follow and enhanced by excellent description and dialogue. The evil boss in this, Mike Holly comes into sharper focus and we see the value of Sage in a new role. I must say I noticed a big difference in the reading since you adopted the new speech marks. Much easier on the eye. The story is building beautifully.

 Comment Written 22-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 22-Jun-2016

I am very glad to hear that the quotation mark issue is better to read, because it's sure easier to write. I was reading a James Patterson book where he switch narrators, and he did it like I did here...and if he can, I can, right?
Thanks, for the comments and review!
Rhonda

Comment from Ulla

Exceptional

Hi Rhonda, what now. This doesn't look good at all. They certainly got caught out and the poor cat ,Sage, is trapped in that duct. Can't wait to read on. It read so much better when you use the usual quotation marks. Well done. All the best. Ulla::)))

 Comment Written 22-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 22-Jun-2016

Thank you, Ulla. I agree on the quotation marks. It's so much easier to write that way, too! I can deal with how later, but I think I'll stick with this. I'll take poetic license if it's supposed to be done differently!
Thanks for the comments, and the beautiful 6 star rating, my friend.
Take care,
Rhonda

Comment from Jay Squires

Excellent

I think you nailed it with this, Rhonda. You don't have the problem you had before with the quote marks. It reads much smoother. Just the two points below for your consideration:

"I want you to know I'm pleased with your willingness to offer up your life for my sister's," he crooned. [Just a suggestion: Try to avoid using actions for speech tags. Your choice here has been called a "bookism." Yours is relatively mild. Some yield some odd effects, like, I'll provide a link that explains them, but I read somewhere (and 100 percent believe it) that "said" and "asked" are "invisible" in that the reader uses them ONLY to determine who's speaking, and doesn't even think of them as tags. Here's the site I mentioned: http://www.writing-world.com/grammar/said.shtml. You'll have to paste it to your browser.

Is he really so self absorbed he doesn't care?'" [You seemed to have kept one of the old marks here after the question mark.]

 Comment Written 21-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 21-Jun-2016

Thanks so much, Jay. I'm glad it reads smoother without the quotation marks. Only one person has squawked so far, and it wasn't scathing. It's so much easier to write that way, except for the occasional slip up.

You are 100% right on the speech tags. I used to be terrible about them, but now and then slip up. Thanks for the website and for pointing it out. The problem began when I attended a workshop and they gave us a list of words to replace "said" and told us it was annoying to repeat the word, and to avoid it's use. those silly teachers!!

Thanks again, my friend
Rhonda

Comment from MTF1955

Excellent

Great chapter. Loved the dialogue and the flow of the story. Now I'm worried I know they'll make it out ok but the tension of waiting is killing me. Mary

 Comment Written 20-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 20-Jun-2016

Awww, thanks, Mary. What a great review and validation of the suspense level.
Have a great week,
Rhonda