The Daredevil Girls From Bunker Hil
Viewing comments for Chapter 28 "Kith and Jason"A fantasy novel about good fighting evil.
27 total reviews
Comment from Zue65
The story is heating up to be an exciting adventure of rescuing the friends of Sally with the help of a special cat. This is like a Nancy Drew story but with a twist reminiscent of Willy Wonka. Little children will definitely go crazy with this story. What an excellent write.
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2016
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The story is heating up to be an exciting adventure of rescuing the friends of Sally with the help of a special cat. This is like a Nancy Drew story but with a twist reminiscent of Willy Wonka. Little children will definitely go crazy with this story. What an excellent write.
Comment Written 15-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2016
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That's so funny! I actually love Willy Wonka, so I wouldn't be surprised if it doesn't leak into my stories. Thanks so much,
Rhonda
Comment from c_lucas
When dealing with the paranormal, you have to have mystery with simple answers. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2016
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When dealing with the paranormal, you have to have mystery with simple answers. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
Comment Written 15-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2016
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Thank you so much! I've never heard it put that way before, but it makes good sense! Thanks for the comment, and the review!
Rhonda
Comment from Jim Lorson Sr
Rhonda, I am glad Sally found these two boys, Kith and Jason. Hopefully, the cat Sage, can get to that key and escape with it. This may slow down All and Mike Holly and allow the three of them to rescue the girls and Bruce. These Daredevil kids seem pretty smart and quite tough. I am looking forward to see if their plan to have Sage capture the key.
Rhonda, you write a great story with plenty of drama, twists and turn using great dialogue to add to your mysterious stories that keeps me engaged.
Hope you are having a great day,,,,,,,Jim
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2016
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Rhonda, I am glad Sally found these two boys, Kith and Jason. Hopefully, the cat Sage, can get to that key and escape with it. This may slow down All and Mike Holly and allow the three of them to rescue the girls and Bruce. These Daredevil kids seem pretty smart and quite tough. I am looking forward to see if their plan to have Sage capture the key.
Rhonda, you write a great story with plenty of drama, twists and turn using great dialogue to add to your mysterious stories that keeps me engaged.
Hope you are having a great day,,,,,,,Jim
Comment Written 15-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2016
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Thank you very much, Jim! That's what I was trying to get at, so I'm glad it came across that way! Sage is certainly a key figure right now...Let's see if she's all her owner cracks her up to be.
Rhonda
Comment from Joyce Long
This is an exciting story as Sally finds the two brothers who are also trying to escape. I really like Sage, the cat who has special powers. I write about Zortz, a puppet, that becomes like a little girl around people she trusts. Very well written and very interesting.
Joyce 06-15-16
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2016
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This is an exciting story as Sally finds the two brothers who are also trying to escape. I really like Sage, the cat who has special powers. I write about Zortz, a puppet, that becomes like a little girl around people she trusts. Very well written and very interesting.
Joyce 06-15-16
Comment Written 15-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2016
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Oh, wow, I'm going to have to read your work! I love the idea of a puppet.
Thanks for the read and review!
Rhonda
Comment from Walu Feral
G'day Cowgirl. This is great mate (oops, a rhyme). So now she has some backup, young yes, but backup all the same. This yarn is moving along nicely. You dialogue is second to none, as is the imagery that you provide.
A couple of Observations...
"In her story, she has just escaped from Akie, and unbeknownst be(to) any of the others, is"
"or as I preferred to be called, a stealth artist." (Hahahaha! Wish i had that in the desert! I might have been able to spear luch!)
" I mean, why watch a service entry, right? Why indeed?" (Ahhhhhh, although I'd be careful!)
"screams tend to erupt from your throat and bleat out of your mouth like a goat," ( Hahahaha! Sounds like me with roaches.)
"It was 8:00 am, and we had arrived at 7:00. I knew more time than an hour had passed within these walls." (That's some spooky stuff right there. maybe Akie has got it right!)
"he usually takes it off when he begins the cleansing ceremony for reanimation.'( Many hands make light work...or two heads are better than one.)
"'He does one to two of the procedures a day." Maybe take out "to two" and say "or two"
I'm loving this journey Pardna. Well done and bring on the next chapter....
Cheers Fez
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2016
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G'day Cowgirl. This is great mate (oops, a rhyme). So now she has some backup, young yes, but backup all the same. This yarn is moving along nicely. You dialogue is second to none, as is the imagery that you provide.
A couple of Observations...
"In her story, she has just escaped from Akie, and unbeknownst be(to) any of the others, is"
"or as I preferred to be called, a stealth artist." (Hahahaha! Wish i had that in the desert! I might have been able to spear luch!)
" I mean, why watch a service entry, right? Why indeed?" (Ahhhhhh, although I'd be careful!)
"screams tend to erupt from your throat and bleat out of your mouth like a goat," ( Hahahaha! Sounds like me with roaches.)
"It was 8:00 am, and we had arrived at 7:00. I knew more time than an hour had passed within these walls." (That's some spooky stuff right there. maybe Akie has got it right!)
"he usually takes it off when he begins the cleansing ceremony for reanimation.'( Many hands make light work...or two heads are better than one.)
"'He does one to two of the procedures a day." Maybe take out "to two" and say "or two"
I'm loving this journey Pardna. Well done and bring on the next chapter....
Cheers Fez
Comment Written 15-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2016
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Thank you so much, Feral, for the enlightening and humorous review. I always look forward to your reviews! You find the mistakes, and express your thoughts on all the rest. Love it, and many thanks for the 6 stars!
Next chapter around Friday or Saturday...I've got other projects and a snake filled, washed out garden to attend..haha
Rhonda
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Walay Sipian (You're welcome.) Hey, freeze the snake for when I come. Yummy, curried snake.
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I'll let you catch him!
Comment from Ricky1024
Recipes with and Jason was very well written and enjoyable to read a very worthy of $6 but I'm currently out of them till Sunday ah thanks for this time Ricky 1024
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reply by the author on 15-Jun-2016
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Recipes with and Jason was very well written and enjoyable to read a very worthy of $6 but I'm currently out of them till Sunday ah thanks for this time Ricky 1024
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Comment Written 15-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2016
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Thank you, Ricky. You are very sweet. I'll take that virtual 6, and the comments as well.
Rhonda
Comment from Douglas Paul
I like the new alliance with the 2 brothers. The slowing of times was a good twist too. This chapter was very inventive. I guess we are about to find out how smart Sage really is. I think you should add Sage to your character list. I am really enjoying this story, Rhonda
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reply by the author on 15-Jun-2016
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I like the new alliance with the 2 brothers. The slowing of times was a good twist too. This chapter was very inventive. I guess we are about to find out how smart Sage really is. I think you should add Sage to your character list. I am really enjoying this story, Rhonda
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2016
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Oh, yeah, I'll add her, thanks!
She will show her true colors a few times coming up. They say cats are smarter than dogs, just not as obedient! For argument's sake, I have Sage that way...
Thanks again,
Rhonda
