Blunder Road
trouble teen diary 1118 words12 total reviews
Comment from Realist101
I was born the wrong sex and in the wrong era. I would have LOVED to be a moon runner. Damn it. Okay, gotta watch Lawless again. And again. And again. Fun read Red! :)
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2016
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I was born the wrong sex and in the wrong era. I would have LOVED to be a moon runner. Damn it. Okay, gotta watch Lawless again. And again. And again. Fun read Red! :)
Comment Written 14-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2016
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Mitchum's Thunder Road was required viewing in the hills in the early sixties. My career was even shorter in real life. A buddy begged me to let him haul the load, and I did. He was not caught, but the still operator never asked me again. I kept greasemonkeying for my dad, and watching ms. J. catch the schoolbus at the store(she was as described but the affair was sheer fantasy) until I joined the Navy to dodge the draft. Best years of my life, 1962 to 1965...
Comment from ciliverde
I managed to read right through your story, Red, in spite of the relatively few paragraphs. No problem! I think you're right about what the boy would have done, not splitting it out very much. Not sure about the dialogue...but wait, I think he would have wanted dialogue, and would have recorded it the way you have done - not using those fussy quotation marks or anything. I think you got it just right! You're a good storyteller,
Carol
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2016
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I managed to read right through your story, Red, in spite of the relatively few paragraphs. No problem! I think you're right about what the boy would have done, not splitting it out very much. Not sure about the dialogue...but wait, I think he would have wanted dialogue, and would have recorded it the way you have done - not using those fussy quotation marks or anything. I think you got it just right! You're a good storyteller,
Carol
Comment Written 13-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2016
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That's what I hoped, that my simplified cramped script was what a clever (bookwise) teen would have written. Thanks very much for reading and reviewing!
Comment from Spitfire
She reached the Hi Folks general store as the sun cleared the mountains,
with all them late spring stars twinkling through the fresh green leaves.
For a young man to notice this doesn't ring true for me. The critics said the same thing about the twelve year old narrator of Tangerine (a YA novel)
Okay, so this boy is older and horny (That rings true!)
Still I would cut down on the details and focus on the sex and cars.
But then, this kid could be in advanced English classes and writing stories when he can't get laid.
Fun to read although it felt more like a story than a diary.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2016
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She reached the Hi Folks general store as the sun cleared the mountains,
with all them late spring stars twinkling through the fresh green leaves.
For a young man to notice this doesn't ring true for me. The critics said the same thing about the twelve year old narrator of Tangerine (a YA novel)
Okay, so this boy is older and horny (That rings true!)
Still I would cut down on the details and focus on the sex and cars.
But then, this kid could be in advanced English classes and writing stories when he can't get laid.
Fun to read although it felt more like a story than a diary.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2016
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My own persona seeps through. I had a camera and kept a journal, off and on. Made pictures and noticed things. Secretly, of course. Them good ol' boys woulda hee-haaed me outa the hills if they knew I was writing something that I didn't have to. My steady girlfriends were HS valedictorians three years apart but my wife was a ninth grade dropout. Thunder Road was the most popular movie in the hills that year..."gifted" children caught hell in those days...
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That explains it. I'll keep your secret. LOL
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That explains it. I'll keep your secret. LOL
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Well done, Red, I enjoyed reading his diary, and yes, that is the way a diary is written, mine is like that. It has to be to get all your want to write down, on one page. Well, he was a rampant lad, too! LOL, a married woman, no less. You wrote the story so well, I couldn't see anything wrong with, not that I would have noticed, I was too engrossed in the story! Excellent! xsx Sandra
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2016
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Well done, Red, I enjoyed reading his diary, and yes, that is the way a diary is written, mine is like that. It has to be to get all your want to write down, on one page. Well, he was a rampant lad, too! LOL, a married woman, no less. You wrote the story so well, I couldn't see anything wrong with, not that I would have noticed, I was too engrossed in the story! Excellent! xsx Sandra
Comment Written 13-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2016
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The diary approach was tougher than I expected. Thanks very much for reading and reviewing!
Comment from WalkerMan
The car pictured is too old to be a '57, and has too many doors (including rear "suicide doors" no longer legal by then) to be a hardtop. No matter; free pictures of cars are hard to find, though that popular Chevy model ought to be easier than most. The diary entries are sufficiently filled with details a teenage boy might consider significant to be believable. Overall, well done.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2016
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The car pictured is too old to be a '57, and has too many doors (including rear "suicide doors" no longer legal by then) to be a hardtop. No matter; free pictures of cars are hard to find, though that popular Chevy model ought to be easier than most. The diary entries are sufficiently filled with details a teenage boy might consider significant to be believable. Overall, well done.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2016
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The boy's personal car, first daily entry, was a Studebaker, a 1951, with 233 cubic inch V8, stick shift and overdrive. That's the car in the picture. I had one just like it--no, the story is fiction. Thanks very much for reading and reviewing. The 1957 was the best Chevy ever, both the car and the half-ton truck.
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Aha! I thought that car looked familiar. I remember cars from the late forties on. You're right about the '57 Chevy, which is why it is still in demand.
My own favorite was my 1964 Ford Galaxie 500 XL 2-dr HT with 390 CID V8, 4bbl carb, console shift C5 automatic, famous 9-in "pumpkin" with huge torque, Sun-X tinted windows, bucket seats, massive 30-mph wraparound bumpers, dual exhaust with resonator and cherry-bomb mufflers. Ford won all the 1964 NASCAR races with that model.
Without air conditioning, there was enough room between grille and radiator for a custom-welded bracket for amber fog lights. I replaced the headliner with a softer one plushed with cotton batting above, and built a custom (my own design) systems-monitor (with extra gauges) and security system --push the wrong button or flip the switches out of sequence and you lose fuel (gauge goes to empty to "prove" it), lose ignition (won't restart), and get the "Carolina Cricket" (sounds like a 5,000-pound cricket, louder than a jet aircraft taking off). I bought it used in early 1967, never had a car loan, and it lasted forty-five years. If you look at my very first FS post ("You Are There") and read the notes, you'll see how that beast saved a dozen lives from a head-on in 1990. I miss it. Now I walk (hence my username).
Those Studebakers were good cars. So were Packards. Too bad they faded away. Today's cars use less fuel but can't withstand a slap on the fender without a dent.
Speaking of fuel, my Galaxie had a 20-gallon tank. I got 18 to 20 mpg on the highway using Amoco Super-Premium 104-Octane Unleaded at under twenty cents per gallon at the time.
As Mary Hopkin sang in 1968, "Those Were the Days" my friend.... -- Mike
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I opted to avoid college and steady work, hanging around the garage helping my dad. Lots of fun but
not much money around. Draft got me in 1965...
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First, thank you for your service and I'm glad you survived.
Now let me tell you about my oldest cousin on my mother's side (you'll see why). His father, my father's friend, who married one of my mother's older sisters, served in the Navy in WWII; and he had vast electromechanical knowledge. He became the superintendent of a building in New York City where he worked until his retirement. Everything electrical or mechanical in that building was his responsibility to maintain -- heating system, elevator, lights, and telephones. His only child, my cousin, would probably have become a very happy and reasonably well-off mechanic of some kind with the benefit of his dad's knowledge. But my uncle wanted his son to go to college and have white-collar earning power, so he taught him nothing in order to force that outcome. My cousin served in the Army in Korea, and came home with a scar where an enemy bullet had grazed his forehead. He went to college, graduated, and worked in business as a mid-level manager for the rest of his life. He was never happy, and ultimately died of heart disease at age 72 (younger than I am now). Meanwhile, my uncle knew my parents, both college educated, would send me to college. So, starting when I was five, he began teaching me about electricity and brought me failed electrical components to play with. My father then bought me tools and taught me how to use and care for them. (I still have most of them.) At the age of six, I wired my first house-current-powered light and switch in my parents' basement, and it worked without blowing a fuse on the first try. That knowledge has been both a joy and a source of income at times ever since, and is how I was able to do what I did with my car.
So, here's the point. You had quality time with your father you might not have had otherwise. You enjoyed that time. More money would have been nice, but could never have bought that precious time. You are probably good at what you do, and your skills will always be in demand -- even more so if an EMP destroys the electrical grid for years. So consider yourself doing what God intended for you, and never put yourself down. I respect anyone, man or woman, that puts care into his or her work, whatever that work may be. The world needs good workers of all kinds. -- Mike
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Joined the Navy, dodging the draft. Learned skills
I used the rest of my career. In fact I still have my
state master electrician license. Sounds more
dignified than retireded...
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See? You're fine, and I'm pleased to know you. -- Mike
Comment from Scarbrems
I think this is very well done. I'll be honest, I wasn't brave enough with mine to let go of paragraphs and dialogue, even though people don't write in a diary like that. I think this reads very naturally and realistically. I really felt I was sneaking a peek into someone's private life.
I liked the way he jumps, as one would in a diary, from sex to cleaning pistons, lol. Sounds like he's living a teen boy fantasy with Jolene.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2016
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I think this is very well done. I'll be honest, I wasn't brave enough with mine to let go of paragraphs and dialogue, even though people don't write in a diary like that. I think this reads very naturally and realistically. I really felt I was sneaking a peek into someone's private life.
I liked the way he jumps, as one would in a diary, from sex to cleaning pistons, lol. Sounds like he's living a teen boy fantasy with Jolene.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2016
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In those days diaries were for girls and sissies. Men kept journals, in secret. The good ole boys would
horselaugh a writer out of town. Aping a steno pad and pencil made this a challenging write. Thanks very much for reading and reviewing.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A teenage boy with hormones higher than his exam report, a sexy slightly older woman married to a drunk that are most of the time passed out and don't give much attention to Hus sexy wife. The teenage boy seduced by the experienced needy sexy girl.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2016
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A teenage boy with hormones higher than his exam report, a sexy slightly older woman married to a drunk that are most of the time passed out and don't give much attention to Hus sexy wife. The teenage boy seduced by the experienced needy sexy girl.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2016
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Writing like a boy who loved to write, using a pad and pencil in a time and place where writing was sneered at as being sissy made this a real challenge. Thanks for reading and reviewing.
Comment from BOO ghost
Favorite paragraph: She jerked the passenger door open and sat down in the Chevy and slammed it and locked it. I ran around and opened the driver's door and Jolene screamed like she was on fire. I told her to hush, and sat down. I cranked the 283 small-block and drove onto the county highway. Jolene crossed her legs and glared out the window. We headed over the hump to Dalton. Talk about humiliating. A T-man with a Murray County deputy backing him up pulled us over at the Horseshoe Bend. Jolene started bawling and begged them not to give her little boy a ticket, he was just driving her to see her sister in the Dalton hospital. Blockaders didn't usually have tearful mommies with them. Exciting chapter. BOO was red-lined, reeved up for road course action! Author notes much appreciated. I was entertained, very happy! BOO
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2016
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Favorite paragraph: She jerked the passenger door open and sat down in the Chevy and slammed it and locked it. I ran around and opened the driver's door and Jolene screamed like she was on fire. I told her to hush, and sat down. I cranked the 283 small-block and drove onto the county highway. Jolene crossed her legs and glared out the window. We headed over the hump to Dalton. Talk about humiliating. A T-man with a Murray County deputy backing him up pulled us over at the Horseshoe Bend. Jolene started bawling and begged them not to give her little boy a ticket, he was just driving her to see her sister in the Dalton hospital. Blockaders didn't usually have tearful mommies with them. Exciting chapter. BOO was red-lined, reeved up for road course action! Author notes much appreciated. I was entertained, very happy! BOO
Comment Written 13-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2016
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Thank you so much for reading and reviewing, and it pleases me greatly that you enjoyed the read.
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okie dokie
Comment from barkingdog
He may not be runnin' shine any more, but I doubt he's gonna stop meeting Jolene.
A randy teenager and a lonely older woman, make a perfect match for a lurid tryst.
He is a very wordy young mechanic. lol
:) ellen xxx
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2016
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He may not be runnin' shine any more, but I doubt he's gonna stop meeting Jolene.
A randy teenager and a lonely older woman, make a perfect match for a lurid tryst.
He is a very wordy young mechanic. lol
:) ellen xxx
Comment Written 12-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2016
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In those days, only wannabe writers kept diaries( we called them journals) and in secret, or them good ol' boys would hee-haw you outa town. I miss the paragraph divisions and dialog. Thanks very much for reading and reviewing.
Comment from Jay Squires
What was that, a '50 Studebaker? It looked just like the one I had as a teen, except mine was powder blue and I took the target outta the front and customized the metal around the hole in the front, the headlights and taillights, and then louvered the hood and lowered six inches in the rear. My dream was to put a fishbowl with live goldfish in the hole in the front. Everyone said the fish would die from the engine heat, but I was determined. I went into the military before I made it happen. Let them have the benefit of my intelligence.
This is a fine story, Red. I'd read about Jolene before. You make her sound mighty nice.
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2016
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What was that, a '50 Studebaker? It looked just like the one I had as a teen, except mine was powder blue and I took the target outta the front and customized the metal around the hole in the front, the headlights and taillights, and then louvered the hood and lowered six inches in the rear. My dream was to put a fishbowl with live goldfish in the hole in the front. Everyone said the fish would die from the engine heat, but I was determined. I went into the military before I made it happen. Let them have the benefit of my intelligence.
This is a fine story, Red. I'd read about Jolene before. You make her sound mighty nice.
Comment Written 12-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2016
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Her name wasn't Jolene, but she was as described, and I had a secret crush. This diary stuff is not satisfying. I like paragraphs and dialog...thanks for reading and reviewing, Jay.
