Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell

Excellent

That was a brilliant ending, he deserved it, shame he didn't see it coming, lol! This is a really good contest entry, you used the words to great effect and made a really good story. ~Well done and good luck! xsx Sandra

 Comment Written 11-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 11-Jun-2016

Thank you so much. I am enjoying these challenges. I never know where they will take me.

Comment from Sandra du Plessis

Excellent

A woman are abused in many ways not necessarily physical but also mentally where the scars are not visible to everyone but take much longer to heal. A great story and a good example how an abusive husband can hide his mean streak to the world.

 Comment Written 11-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 11-Jun-2016

thank you Sandra. I always appreciate your thoughts.

Comment from pattipac

Exceptional

Your short story grabbed my attention from the beginning. You creatively built your plot with dialogue, and emotional interaction between the wife, husband and psychiatrist.

 Comment Written 11-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 11-Jun-2016

thank you so much. I enjoy these challenges. I never know where my mind will go with them.

Comment from nancy_e_davis

Excellent

Wow Judy. What a story. She put up with his abuse for ten years because she thought he had a temper. When she realized he could control himself she went over the edge. A touch of genius stating that the red stain of blood looked like the raspberry stain that caused the problem to start with. Good job.

 Comment Written 11-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 11-Jun-2016

thank you . I enjoy these challenges so much. I never know where it will take my mind. I always appreciate your reviews.

Comment from Dean Kuch

Excellent

Hey, it could happen, and it's definitely not beyond the realm of possibility. In fact, things like this occur almost everyday. If it's not a wife shooting her abusive husband, then it's a sexually abused child ending the life of the monster causing all of their grief.
Yeah...it happens.

This was an excellent story, Judy, and especially more so since it was all done in dialogue only. If anyone's has never attempted to write a story in dialogue, using no descriptive narrative whatsoever, they have no idea how difficult it truly is.

The ending was frightening. He cold callousness at having committed the murder did not go unnoticed by this reader.
Best of luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 11-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 11-Jun-2016

Thank you so much. I have never written like this before and it was interesting how you can tell a story just by letting them talk. As always you are an inspiration to me.

reply by Dean Kuch on 11-Jun-2016

You're welcome, Judy.
~Dean

Comment from rod007

Excellent

This an excellent story, Judy. I liked the way you used the stain of the raspberry jelly and compared it to the blood stain of her dead husband. A wonderful job and best of luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 11-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 11-Jun-2016

Thank you, I enjoyed writing it. The realization that he could control his anger is what put her over the edge. How sad that these stories are sometimes true.

Comment from heyjude

Excellent

Judy, you got all six words used in your flash fiction piece.
What a story of violence and abuse. It is sad that this happens
all too often. Your writing drew me in and made me feel
the emotion in the story.

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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 11-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 11-Jun-2016

thank you . I really appreciate you checking the words for me too. Once I started writing I almost forgot about them. I always appreciate your comments.

Comment from Douglas Paul

Excellent

This is really good, Judy. What a creative story. Your writing is clear and fluid and the story flows well with a good surprise ending. Good luck in the contest - this should do well

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 11-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 11-Jun-2016

Thank you so much. I am learning to love these challenges.