Their Stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Raspberry Jelly (831 words)"Five Stories of Life
28 total reviews
Comment from schatzling
For some reason I skipped over the word FICTION and throughout your entire story, I thought this was about you and you are telling this to a psychiatrist or some other professional that was willing to help you overcome ..... and then at the end when you shot him, I knew something was off....you didn't shoot your ex, you and your kids escaped from him and all of his belittling, resentment, abusiveness, etc. So I skipped back to the top and then I saw the words FLASH FICTION. Now I am sitting here laughing at myself. One must read all the criteria of the contest prior to reading a submission for it......
This was quite good. You had me convinced up to the last few sentences, but because I knew you and your history, I knew this wasn't so....but it could have been just this way......
Anyway....don't mind me. Just know that I enjoyed reading story. It was done very well. Thanks so much for sharing.
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2016
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For some reason I skipped over the word FICTION and throughout your entire story, I thought this was about you and you are telling this to a psychiatrist or some other professional that was willing to help you overcome ..... and then at the end when you shot him, I knew something was off....you didn't shoot your ex, you and your kids escaped from him and all of his belittling, resentment, abusiveness, etc. So I skipped back to the top and then I saw the words FLASH FICTION. Now I am sitting here laughing at myself. One must read all the criteria of the contest prior to reading a submission for it......
This was quite good. You had me convinced up to the last few sentences, but because I knew you and your history, I knew this wasn't so....but it could have been just this way......
Anyway....don't mind me. Just know that I enjoyed reading story. It was done very well. Thanks so much for sharing.
Comment Written 19-Oct-2016
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2016
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this was so fun to write because I could feel her madness when he treated her well in front of other people. It must have terrified her.
Comment from cumulus365
I have commented several stories like this. It just dawned on me that it would be so helpful if the 6 Word Flash Fiction be bold within the story. Yours is well written. Your beginning paragraph is very catchy. Your characters are terrific. Yours meet the five elements of story writing. The main character has internal and external conflict. The plot is terrific. The setting is fantastic because it lets the reader have a sense of location within the story. The theme is domestic violence which is creatively achieved. I really like the simple story line to send your message of verbal abusive spouse and a spouse has to put up with it. It is a sad twist that the abused has to endure. The short-tempered spouse who refused to recognize the issue that he is the creator of mental abuse is very common in real life. I feel for the wife who, in the end, became desensitized of her pain to laugh away with the rhyming of "aed" sound. You did well by bringing this issue into writing. The question is how to make the abuser to see the light and admit that he is the creator of hell to his family members. Best.
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2016
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I have commented several stories like this. It just dawned on me that it would be so helpful if the 6 Word Flash Fiction be bold within the story. Yours is well written. Your beginning paragraph is very catchy. Your characters are terrific. Yours meet the five elements of story writing. The main character has internal and external conflict. The plot is terrific. The setting is fantastic because it lets the reader have a sense of location within the story. The theme is domestic violence which is creatively achieved. I really like the simple story line to send your message of verbal abusive spouse and a spouse has to put up with it. It is a sad twist that the abused has to endure. The short-tempered spouse who refused to recognize the issue that he is the creator of mental abuse is very common in real life. I feel for the wife who, in the end, became desensitized of her pain to laugh away with the rhyming of "aed" sound. You did well by bringing this issue into writing. The question is how to make the abuser to see the light and admit that he is the creator of hell to his family members. Best.
Comment Written 15-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2016
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thank you so much. that was such an insightful review. You truly understood everything I wanted to get across. I will treasure this review.
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It was a very hard for me to hold back my tears as I was reading along. The verbal abuse issue from a spouse is a very difficult issue to iron, indeed. Best.
Comment from barkingdog
This was quite a shocker. I just thought she was in for a counseling session, maybe after a divorce or as a battered wife. But no, she actually killed him. She blanked out and did it.
I guess that's what happens when you stifle your feeling for ten years. The dam eventually breaks.
Fine story. Fast read.
One correction:
-if I would do things better than(then) he wouldn't get so upset.
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2016
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This was quite a shocker. I just thought she was in for a counseling session, maybe after a divorce or as a battered wife. But no, she actually killed him. She blanked out and did it.
I guess that's what happens when you stifle your feeling for ten years. The dam eventually breaks.
Fine story. Fast read.
One correction:
-if I would do things better than(then) he wouldn't get so upset.
Comment Written 15-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2016
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thank you so much for the correction I missed. I actually lived the dialogue twenty years ago. I left before i snapped but I can understand why she snapped.
Comment from zekeziemann
Sad but engrossing story. I do not like stories about spousal abuse, but this one kinda caught my attention and I continued to read it. The ending confused me a bit.
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2016
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Sad but engrossing story. I do not like stories about spousal abuse, but this one kinda caught my attention and I continued to read it. The ending confused me a bit.
Comment Written 14-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2016
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thank you for your review. She snapped at the end. Killed him and is finally both sad and happy about escaping that life.
Comment from Zue65
Victims of domestic violence and verbal abuse that have withstood the long abuse have issues with their bottled emotions. They sometimes explode in ways no one would imagine they are capable of. Your story perfectly captured that raw emotion through your main character. Excellent write.
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2016
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Victims of domestic violence and verbal abuse that have withstood the long abuse have issues with their bottled emotions. They sometimes explode in ways no one would imagine they are capable of. Your story perfectly captured that raw emotion through your main character. Excellent write.
Comment Written 14-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2016
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thank you so much. I truly appreciate your words. I lived that life twenty years ago. It would never happen today, I am too strong. But back then I understood how a wife could kill a husband.
Comment from Ulla
Hi Judy, this is a poignant story with great dialogue. What a story and how you intertwine the six words in this compelling tale. In the end she snapped and had enough. I think that something similar has happened many times before and probably will again. Tragic as it is.
co worker = co-worker
Overcooked the appetizers(,) but that I was a wonderful cook
and gave me small kiss = and gave me a small kiss
Fast temper(,) and that if I would do things better(,) than he wouldn't = then he wouldn't
He could put on this act in front of these strangers(,) but he couldn't respect
A very well written story that will do well in the contest. Good luck. All the best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2016
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Hi Judy, this is a poignant story with great dialogue. What a story and how you intertwine the six words in this compelling tale. In the end she snapped and had enough. I think that something similar has happened many times before and probably will again. Tragic as it is.
co worker = co-worker
Overcooked the appetizers(,) but that I was a wonderful cook
and gave me small kiss = and gave me a small kiss
Fast temper(,) and that if I would do things better(,) than he wouldn't = then he wouldn't
He could put on this act in front of these strangers(,) but he couldn't respect
A very well written story that will do well in the contest. Good luck. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 14-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2016
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thank you than you for the punctuation corrections. I for sure am getting better at it but I sure missed all of those. I am glad you like the story. Having lived that life over 20 years ago, a lot of the dialogue felt true. I am glad I got out before I snapped, because that could have been me.
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Judy, I do realise that. This was just so poignant and realistic. I'm glad you've found a better life. Your story brought me to tears. Ulla:))xx
Comment from Mabaker
It's very true. Oh how true. We put up with shit from men who are usually twice our size but a fraction in compassion. Yes they can put on a great performance worth of an Oscar. Good job.
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2016
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It's very true. Oh how true. We put up with shit from men who are usually twice our size but a fraction in compassion. Yes they can put on a great performance worth of an Oscar. Good job.
Comment Written 14-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2016
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That was what I wanted to say. They can control it , they just don't. Thank you for understanding.
Comment from robyn corum
Fabulous story. I love the way you set it up like she's at your typical therapist's office, ho hum. Great visuals throughout the piece. I could picture every scene. I wanted to kill him before it was over -- so certainly it had to be considered justified! Heehee.
Also loved the way the required words fell into place unobtrusively. They weren't blaring horns signaling their presence.
I don't think I saw a single extra word. Tight, sweet writing. Lovely. Great contenda! *smile*. Good luck!
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2016
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Fabulous story. I love the way you set it up like she's at your typical therapist's office, ho hum. Great visuals throughout the piece. I could picture every scene. I wanted to kill him before it was over -- so certainly it had to be considered justified! Heehee.
Also loved the way the required words fell into place unobtrusively. They weren't blaring horns signaling their presence.
I don't think I saw a single extra word. Tight, sweet writing. Lovely. Great contenda! *smile*. Good luck!
Comment Written 13-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2016
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thank you Robyn. It was so fun to write. I am so blessed to have people like you helping me.
Comment from frogbook
Great story. I loved it. Studying revenge told in an interesting and original poll way. Kept the readers attention and was a great sine tingling ending. Great entry!
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2016
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Great story. I loved it. Studying revenge told in an interesting and original poll way. Kept the readers attention and was a great sine tingling ending. Great entry!
Comment Written 12-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2016
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Thank you. I enjoyed the journey and watching he realization that he could control his temper, he just didn't.
Comment from Kooky Clown
An enjoyable read however I am sure that raspberry jelly or jam as we 'Brits ' call it would not have been that hard a stain to remove but I am a man and you probably know better apart from that it was a good read.
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2016
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An enjoyable read however I am sure that raspberry jelly or jam as we 'Brits ' call it would not have been that hard a stain to remove but I am a man and you probably know better apart from that it was a good read.
Comment Written 12-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 12-Jun-2016
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Jelly and anything red is usually the hardest stain to get out. Thank you so much for taking the time to read . I appreciate it.
