Comment from ElegantButler

Excellent

An interesting segment of what. Promises to be a brilliant novel forme to read one day. Easy to read and follow. I like the narrative style. Very compelling.

 Comment Written 15-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 15-Jun-2016

Thank you for reading the story. There is a lot of conversation, much like your writing style. Thanks for the comments,
Rhonda

Comment from seaglass

Excellent

It is getting tense. Smart plot for one to hide. It's reasonable that the evil abductor would loose count. You stopped at a suspenseful place, making the reader want more. We know they survived because they are telling the story at a later time but how is a nagging question.

 Comment Written 14-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 14-Jun-2016

Thanks so much for the wonderful review! I'm glad I left the reader wanting more, and how they escape, is the burning question. Thanks again,
Rhonda

Comment from Pam (respa)

Excellent

-Good chapter.
-I love the picture of Sage.
-It was nice to see her reunite with Sally, whose comment I liked, "You're a bigger sneak than I am!"
-It is a good way to link the end to the beginning, as Nancy introduced Sally, "I pass the story now to one of the world's greatest sneaks."
-Sally used quick thinking as Ahmed carries her up the steps.
-It all began with her slipping into the empty sarcophagus.
-Here she was able to listen unnoticed so she could keep formulating more plans, little by little.
-Tabby had to be her priority so she concentrated on her well being.
-That's when Sage appeared, and seemed more than willing to help, which she probably will.
-I guess next we will learn more of Sally and Sage's plan!

 Comment Written 13-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 14-Jun-2016

Thank you so much for picking out all the detail to remind me of what works and communicates! I am working on the next chapter as we speak! Definitely, Sage has a big part just ahead! I mean, why have a super-kitty if she doesn't get to do anything? I like to add animals in with young adult stories as they are attention grabbers.
Have a great week,
Rhonda

reply by Pam (respa) on 14-Jun-2016

You are very welcome for the review and comments. I am glad you find them helpful. Yes, a super kitty does need more to do and you are right about young people liking animals. I liked the picture very much, too!

Comment from rspoet

Exceptional

An excellent chapter in the story
As Sally recounts the story from her perspective (and refreshes the memory of the reader)
Hidden in a sarcophagus (that'll make the young readers squirm and squeal)
It send a good message to the young reader
of the importance of being observant even under duress
and taking advantage of any opportunities
Sally and Sage, two sneaks,
the readers will be reassured by the reappearance
and escape of Sage
Next up, saving Tabby
Well done

 Comment Written 13-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 14-Jun-2016

Thank you, first, for the brilliant six star rating, that is always comforting!
Thanks you, also, for the detailed review. Details, such as this, are so important when revising, and in developing the next chapter.
Sally and Sage to the rescue!!
Take care,
Rhonda

Comment from A.A.A.EXHILARATING RIDE

Excellent

Just loved being drawn into the rising tension both the cat and image of the sneak pinpointed as I visualized everyone sitting forward on their chairs. An excellent opening!

And, then Sally's adamant assertion of her growth and courage I think links one back into the depth of this ongoing adventure.

An exciting read, I shall look forward to the next reunion, mew and all. Happy writing, Maureen*&*

 Comment Written 13-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 13-Jun-2016

Thank you so much, my friend. I look forward to your reading it!
Rhonda

Comment from boxergirl

Exceptional

Hey Rhonda...hope you are getting some much needed R&R now that school is out!
Great job with the continuation of your story...I really like the switching up of the narrators...Very entertaining! :-)

 Comment Written 12-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 12-Jun-2016

Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter, and I would like you to know how much I appreciate the beautiful six stars. You are very sweet!
I am enjoying the time off, thanks, though we had to go back for three days this past week for inservice. Grrr. Oh, well, it's summertime now.
How are you doing?
Rhonda

reply by boxergirl on 13-Jun-2016

Loved THOSE inservices...NOT! :-)
I'm doing good...I am working more now on writing song lyrics...I joined the NSAI (Nashville Songwriters Association International and have met some other songwriters here in Little Rock to collaborate with. It is so cool...I'm sure I'll have a Top Ten hit soon. Lol 8-)

reply by the author on 13-Jun-2016

Oh, wow! That is so incredible cool. I could actually retire at any time now, but am afraid I would be board, or poor trying to live on a reduced salary...you are my hero!

reply by boxergirl on 13-Jun-2016

I had the same fears but God said I'd be fine...and it's been great...you will know when it's the right time! Hugs! :-)

reply by the author on 13-Jun-2016

Thanks, that's a good answer!

Comment from MelB

Excellent

Hi Rhonda, It does seem he was trying to tire them out. He should have counted heads first. I think he will be sorry for that now. Can't wait to see what happens next.

 Comment Written 12-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 12-Jun-2016

Thank you for reading and reviewing, and for the comments about Akie. Yes, tiring them out and humiliating them was top on his list! Taking his eyes off Sally is definitely not a wise move!
Have a good Sunday,
Rhonda

Comment from giraffmang

Excellent

Hi Rhonda,

This is the first time I've really noticed it in the chapters so far but there is a lot of referring to the 'Daredevil Girls'. It struck me a little odd here with a lot of repetition of the phrase. Some of these could be substituted with 'the others' or 'the group' rather than referring to themselves by name.

Daredevil Girls and Guy - this is the first time the group has been referred to with the addition.

A very well written instalment. The differing POV makes for interesting reading with the differing perspectives to give a full picture.

Good stuff
G

 Comment Written 12-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 12-Jun-2016

Thanks, and you're right, way too many repetitions! I'll fix that. At least there were fewer grammatical errors!
Appreciate you, as always,
Rhonda

Comment from Mabaker

Excellent

I enjoyed this. Watch out for the over-use word 'cracked' look up your Thesaurus for alternatives. Apart from that, great writing, sensible and fulfilling. Hope you did/do well it the contest. Sincerely Anne (Mabaker)

 Comment Written 11-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 12-Jun-2016

Thanks so much for the review. I use the thesaurus often, but sometimes we use words without thinking about it.
This isn't in a contest, but I appreciate the wish of luck.
Rhonda

Comment from Zue65

Excellent

Wow, this is quite an exciting story line. The characters themselves are exciting personalities and the scenes presented in this post are jam packed with intense actions that keep us on edge. I will definitely wait for the next post. God bless.

 Comment Written 11-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 11-Jun-2016

Thank you so much, Nassus. I appreciate the comments and review. I sincerely hope you do continue to follow the story. I enjoy input from my peers!
Rhonda