To Last Forever
Viewing comments for Chapter 35 "Guilty as ..."Poems by Michael
14 total reviews
Comment from Spitfire
I had to peruse reviews to get a field for this. I try to avoid the news anymore. It's too depressing. Hubby says the fault is all in the corruption of those running the city. I did catch on to the reference of the auto industry.
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2016
  |
I had to peruse reviews to get a field for this. I try to avoid the news anymore. It's too depressing. Hubby says the fault is all in the corruption of those running the city. I did catch on to the reference of the auto industry.
Comment Written 06-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2016
-
ah its old news...that's why so incomprehensible.
nothing running that City anymore. I think the Casino's are their prime source of income anymore. Any how go to see you on the other side...-smile-...keep windows rolled up, doors locked and senses about ya...haha...love to you ...michael
-
Trust me. I don't ever plan to travel there. I love a place with grass and trees. No more concrete cities for me.
Hugs,
Shari
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You did a great job with the challenge prompt. Your words describe exactly what I have read/seen about your home city of Detroit. It is really sad to see/read about the demise of a once grand place Your artwork choice draws in readers. Once they start reading, they cannot stop.
Good job and thanks for sharing a well written sad poem. Jan.
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2016
|
You did a great job with the challenge prompt. Your words describe exactly what I have read/seen about your home city of Detroit. It is really sad to see/read about the demise of a once grand place Your artwork choice draws in readers. Once they start reading, they cannot stop.
Good job and thanks for sharing a well written sad poem. Jan.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2016
-
Hi Janny...-smile-
yes indeed its pathetic...that this once great metropolis lies in ruins. and our government convinces us its better to run around the world playing superman for the disenfranchised elsewhere. Crazy. thank you Dear....love to you. Michael.
Comment from Pearl Edwards
city of ruins - Detroit. We have had the same problems over here with the car industry, factories shut down people laid off as you say -by corporate sins -
A very dramatic and passionate octogram and a great read.
cheers,
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2016
|
city of ruins - Detroit. We have had the same problems over here with the car industry, factories shut down people laid off as you say -by corporate sins -
A very dramatic and passionate octogram and a great read.
cheers,
Comment Written 05-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2016
-
Hi Pearl...-smile-
Amen...its a contagious disease...evil. thank you Dear for reading...love to you...Michael
Comment from Warren Rodgers
Hi Michael,
You have the octogram format down pat and very well done. I know you usually write free verse and I applaud you for taking on the octogram! This form is very difficult, even for many rhyme and meter poets. Your rhymes are very creative, combining both true rhymes and near rhymes, but it all works for me. Too often I read rhymed and metered poems with forced rhymes for the sake of following the form thus watering the whole thing out. I'm sure i am guilty of that as well!
Your meter is off in some places but I know you're new to meter and you are improving each time I've read your poems. The octogram does not require any certain type of meter and I find yours is closer to Trochiac, which starts with a stressed syllable, than the most common meter, meter. Regardless of what name I give it, your syllable counts are correct and your poem reads smoothly.
But the most important ingredient in any type of poetry is the message that comes across to the reader. I've been hearing a lot over the past few years about the problems created by the auto industry moving out and leaving the city, as you so aptly write "in ruins"! It's sad to see a once thriving city go down this far. I can't understand why our govt ever bailed them out! I like how you worked "Chevrolet's into your poem" . I hope my review encourages you to keep writing, no matter what!
all the best,
Rodger
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2016
|
Hi Michael,
You have the octogram format down pat and very well done. I know you usually write free verse and I applaud you for taking on the octogram! This form is very difficult, even for many rhyme and meter poets. Your rhymes are very creative, combining both true rhymes and near rhymes, but it all works for me. Too often I read rhymed and metered poems with forced rhymes for the sake of following the form thus watering the whole thing out. I'm sure i am guilty of that as well!
Your meter is off in some places but I know you're new to meter and you are improving each time I've read your poems. The octogram does not require any certain type of meter and I find yours is closer to Trochiac, which starts with a stressed syllable, than the most common meter, meter. Regardless of what name I give it, your syllable counts are correct and your poem reads smoothly.
But the most important ingredient in any type of poetry is the message that comes across to the reader. I've been hearing a lot over the past few years about the problems created by the auto industry moving out and leaving the city, as you so aptly write "in ruins"! It's sad to see a once thriving city go down this far. I can't understand why our govt ever bailed them out! I like how you worked "Chevrolet's into your poem" . I hope my review encourages you to keep writing, no matter what!
all the best,
Rodger
Comment Written 05-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2016
-
Hey Warren...-smile-
exactly...I absolutely agree that forced "anything" sounds off putting. I know...I didn't even try the ah "meter" thing. I don't um...I can be "natural"....when I have to worry about syllables and ba dumps...its not me. I can do it but its a chore...not easy. I'm not against it...or them who cherish it. I just feel more relaxed in a free style or whatever they want to fingerprint it...its should be like breathing if you ask me....-smile- Yes sir, its disgraceful what corporation have done in sacrificing their own Country and men for more money. They bailed them out because their on the same team. simple as that. Thank you Sir....love to you Michael
Comment from His Grayness
This is a very abstract but gripping and compelling work to draw stark attention to the crumbling auto industry of Detroit. It is presented in the typically unique and rare dialog of this gifted writer and I enjoyed it very much! HIS GRAYNESS: Vance
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2016
|
This is a very abstract but gripping and compelling work to draw stark attention to the crumbling auto industry of Detroit. It is presented in the typically unique and rare dialog of this gifted writer and I enjoyed it very much! HIS GRAYNESS: Vance
Comment Written 05-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2016
-
Vance...-smile-
How are you...? yea there is no more industry. they moved ...you can even see em' across the river employing Canadians now. yea on this side of the river if you aint Mexican American...you aint got a shot the dark. Brave new world....-smile- love to you...michael
Comment from Joy Graham
I'm pleased to see your octogram for this potlatch fun :) I know you're a free verser by heart, and appreciate you posting a form poem for this occasion.
- meter is just not there, but I can accept that. it's nice to have you participating :)
- "a" rhymes - stays, blase, Chevrolet's appraise - not bad. I love that you got Chevrolet's in there. I like seeing more challenging words used to add depth and interest to the poem.
- "b" rhymes - ruins, Bedouins, harlequins, ruins, sequins, mannequins, sins, ruins - all good, and I love Bedouins as your rhyme word :)
- "c" rhymes - reason, common - interesting but they have the right ending.
- "d" rhymes - memory, envy - yup, near or slant rhymes but they work for me.
- nice repeating line that carries the feel of your theme throughout.
You have a nice feel for the octogram and give it your own personal style. I like that. We'll make a form poet out of you yet lol!
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2016
|
I'm pleased to see your octogram for this potlatch fun :) I know you're a free verser by heart, and appreciate you posting a form poem for this occasion.
- meter is just not there, but I can accept that. it's nice to have you participating :)
- "a" rhymes - stays, blase, Chevrolet's appraise - not bad. I love that you got Chevrolet's in there. I like seeing more challenging words used to add depth and interest to the poem.
- "b" rhymes - ruins, Bedouins, harlequins, ruins, sequins, mannequins, sins, ruins - all good, and I love Bedouins as your rhyme word :)
- "c" rhymes - reason, common - interesting but they have the right ending.
- "d" rhymes - memory, envy - yup, near or slant rhymes but they work for me.
- nice repeating line that carries the feel of your theme throughout.
You have a nice feel for the octogram and give it your own personal style. I like that. We'll make a form poet out of you yet lol!
Comment Written 05-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2016
-
Hi Joy...-smile-
ah well I'm a me verser after reading this weeks potlatch I'm afraid...of what I mostly read. ahaha ...no Maam...meter and me have issues....again I'm my own meter maid...haha...well I'm getting better at the syllable thing...but I'm gonna another ten years or so to get the dumb dumbs down. thank you Sweet Lady....love to you...Michael
Comment from brenda bickers
Hi Michael,
this is unique. A great poem of dereliction. what a shame these once marvellous places are abandoned and left to fall into disrepair. What a waste.
I like your presentation and the extra clip. For someone who was trying to get to grips with the metering, you have done a grand job.
Brenda:))x
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2016
|
Hi Michael,
this is unique. A great poem of dereliction. what a shame these once marvellous places are abandoned and left to fall into disrepair. What a waste.
I like your presentation and the extra clip. For someone who was trying to get to grips with the metering, you have done a grand job.
Brenda:))x
Comment Written 05-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2016
-
Hey you...-smile-
its unbelievable...some places have no life at all now...not even a bird. very eerie when you've seen it pretty. love to you...Michael
Comment from Galactia
Hi
What a wonderfuly written rhyming poem, your message is so strong and so sad.
I loved the ending of....slain victim to corperate sins, memory of once upon a time. .quite sad.
Great job
Refards
Tia
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2016
 |
Hi
What a wonderfuly written rhyming poem, your message is so strong and so sad.
I loved the ending of....slain victim to corperate sins, memory of once upon a time. .quite sad.
Great job
Refards
Tia
Comment Written 05-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2016
-
Hey T...-smile-
ah yea...very sad indeed. If "WE" aren't careful this could be normal. Why doesn't are Government force them to come back...or God bless it renounce their citizenship loud and clear and complete their treason. its disgusting...sorry. thank you Dear. love to you...Michael
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A well-written Octogram poem. It is heartbreaking to see our once proud city buildings crumbling under abuse and neglect over time.
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2016
|
A well-written Octogram poem. It is heartbreaking to see our once proud city buildings crumbling under abuse and neglect over time.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2016
-
Hi Sandra...-smile-
thank you Maam. Yes it is, some very majestic. anyway thanks agaon. love to you....Michael
Comment from l.raven
HI Michael, I know this has to break you heart coming from Detroit...I see all these abandoned buildings...once happy people living there...and your words spoke true...victims of corporate sins...it's so very sad...
truly a brilliant poem...you so mastered this form...your picture speaks for itself...and the video tears at you heart...love Linda xxoo
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2016
|
HI Michael, I know this has to break you heart coming from Detroit...I see all these abandoned buildings...once happy people living there...and your words spoke true...victims of corporate sins...it's so very sad...
truly a brilliant poem...you so mastered this form...your picture speaks for itself...and the video tears at you heart...love Linda xxoo
Comment Written 05-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2016
-
Hey you...-smile-
I was born in Detroit General July fourth right around midnight....I remember...-smile-...screaming my head off there's been a mistake....ahaha....We moved with wilderbeast migration...when I was still young. yes Maam...very sad. incomprehensible how our government runs around the whole world playing Christ...while who they represent are slowly crucified in sacrifice. ah no not me ....I wing it. love to you....Michael
-
I do know when you were born baby...but for you to remember that day is amazing...LOL...and was glad you moved my way...God Bless...you are always in my prayers...we have no true government...just a bunch of greedys who do anything for money...include ruin our world...love to you too...xxoo Linda
