The Daredevil Girls From Bunker Hil
Viewing comments for Chapter 26 "The Plan"A fantasy novel about good fighting evil.
22 total reviews
Comment from Winslow
Dear Rhonda,
Quite a fascinating read. It seems you have settled on a good plot. This chapter kept my interest from beginning to ending. Great hook to keep your readers at the end of this chapter.
Warm regards,
Winslow
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2016
  |
Dear Rhonda,
Quite a fascinating read. It seems you have settled on a good plot. This chapter kept my interest from beginning to ending. Great hook to keep your readers at the end of this chapter.
Warm regards,
Winslow
Comment Written 09-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2016
-
Thank you, Winslow! I appreciate the time and effort you took to read and review.
Rhonda
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Well, Akie has no heart and a demented mind.
-Another well written chapter that when I got to the end, I wanted to keep going!
-You have done a good job explaining the "reanimation" process. Sounds really creepy.
-It gets worse when Akie explains his plan in this paragraph: "'I can do whatever I want. I'm Pharaoh."
-I know a number of reviewers commented on Bruce's statement:
"'I have no earthly worries,' Bruce said. 'I'm only 12.' It is priceless!
-It will be very interesting to see how this works out, and who devises a scheme and how. It is quite a predicament!!
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2016
 |
-Well, Akie has no heart and a demented mind.
-Another well written chapter that when I got to the end, I wanted to keep going!
-You have done a good job explaining the "reanimation" process. Sounds really creepy.
-It gets worse when Akie explains his plan in this paragraph: "'I can do whatever I want. I'm Pharaoh."
-I know a number of reviewers commented on Bruce's statement:
"'I have no earthly worries,' Bruce said. 'I'm only 12.' It is priceless!
-It will be very interesting to see how this works out, and who devises a scheme and how. It is quite a predicament!!
Comment Written 07-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2016
-
I love those stars, my friend. How very beautiful they are!!
The re animation thing gets even creepier pretty quickly.
On Bruce's comment, you can tell I've taught that age group before! They go back and forth between thinking they're grown, or still little kids. It depends on what works for them at the moment.
Thanks, again, I so appreciate you opinion and support,
Rhonda
-
You are very welcome for the stars and review. Not creepier--and quicker, too!!
That is a delicate age. Funny, as we have seen them as adults telling the story. You are very welcome for the support.
Comment from rspoet
Uh oh, I don't like the sound of this
only in Texas, or should I say New Egypt
Mummies and madmen, don't make a good combination
Somehow, I just can't call a mummy "Akie"
Good thing these are daredevil girls
and I bet the guy, Egyptian expert Bruce, will play a big part
in the next chapters
The writing and dialogue is excellent
feels like a "real" story
Now, is "Akie" a real mummy or a real madman?
Stay tuned
And I will
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2016
|
Uh oh, I don't like the sound of this
only in Texas, or should I say New Egypt
Mummies and madmen, don't make a good combination
Somehow, I just can't call a mummy "Akie"
Good thing these are daredevil girls
and I bet the guy, Egyptian expert Bruce, will play a big part
in the next chapters
The writing and dialogue is excellent
feels like a "real" story
Now, is "Akie" a real mummy or a real madman?
Stay tuned
And I will
Comment Written 07-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2016
-
Thank you for the beautiful six stars, my loyal friend!
Akie gets called Akie, because I got tired of typing Akhenaten so often, plus he was trying to act cool and trendy. For a 5,000 year old guy, he's still twentyish.
True about Texas, though, haha. Good call.
Again, thanks so very much for keeping up and for the very welcome stars,
Rhonda
Comment from Ulla
Hi Rhonda, this is getting spooky, no pun intended. This Akie is stark raving mad. And using kids like that. Very believable chapter and well written. I'm enjoying this and looking forward to see what on earth is happening next. All the best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2016
|
Hi Rhonda, this is getting spooky, no pun intended. This Akie is stark raving mad. And using kids like that. Very believable chapter and well written. I'm enjoying this and looking forward to see what on earth is happening next. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 07-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 07-Jun-2016
-
Thank you, Ulla! Yeah, oh Akie's a nutcase, but he has his reasons...sort of.
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
There are so many ways to do punctuation, I don't know. The rules have changed since I was in school and people write in much shorter paragraphs than I learned to. Your story is interesting and well written. Good work, my friend~Debbie
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2016
|
There are so many ways to do punctuation, I don't know. The rules have changed since I was in school and people write in much shorter paragraphs than I learned to. Your story is interesting and well written. Good work, my friend~Debbie
Comment Written 06-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2016
-
Thank you Debbie. You're right on the punctuation, but this is a special situation because it is quotes within a story being told by different members of the Daredevil Girls. I've researched it, and a lot of people comment and instruct me...so, I'm going with it. Thanks so much for the review and comments!
Rhonda
Comment from boxergirl
Good morning, Rhonda,
Great continuation of your story line...it looks like it is going to heat up with Akie wanting to turn them into his dead relatives...yikes!
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2016
|
Good morning, Rhonda,
Great continuation of your story line...it looks like it is going to heat up with Akie wanting to turn them into his dead relatives...yikes!
Comment Written 06-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 06-Jun-2016
-
Thanks so much! Akie is definitely up to no good, that's for sure. Thanks for the review!
Rhonda
Comment from MelB
Hi Rhonda, a fantastic chapter. This reminds me of The Mummy series. Clearly, this guy is a lunatic and intends to sacrifice them all.
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2016
|
Hi Rhonda, a fantastic chapter. This reminds me of The Mummy series. Clearly, this guy is a lunatic and intends to sacrifice them all.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2016
-
He's going to give it his best shot, I assure you!
Thanks for the review, my friend!
-
You're most welcome:)
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Rhonda,
Ah... very nice plan you have worked up here for the reanimation of the mummies. I liked this a lot and fits perfectly for the themes of your stories.
Need to check over some speech marks and commas.
official crook, and flail - unnecessary comma.
Guarding it, where three priests of Aten - no need for the comma and were.
"Okay,' Tabby said - single speech mark needed at the beginning here.
why you invited us here, and keep talking - I think it should be kept here.
'but they don't even care. I found them on the streets, and they are glad for the meals and protection I provide them."
- change double speech marks for single here.
"What meals?" Elizabeth asked. "I haven't seen any food, and I'm starving."
"As well you should be," Akie said, "or fasting, anyway. You stand at the brink of a great historical endeavor, and you need to be in the proper state of mind. The kids are given three meals a day, and two healthy snacks. It's better than they got on the streets.'- check over the speech marks here as well in this sequence of dialogue.
I loved Bruce's I have no earthly problems, I'm 12! LOL
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2016
|
Hi Rhonda,
Ah... very nice plan you have worked up here for the reanimation of the mummies. I liked this a lot and fits perfectly for the themes of your stories.
Need to check over some speech marks and commas.
official crook, and flail - unnecessary comma.
Guarding it, where three priests of Aten - no need for the comma and were.
"Okay,' Tabby said - single speech mark needed at the beginning here.
why you invited us here, and keep talking - I think it should be kept here.
'but they don't even care. I found them on the streets, and they are glad for the meals and protection I provide them."
- change double speech marks for single here.
"What meals?" Elizabeth asked. "I haven't seen any food, and I'm starving."
"As well you should be," Akie said, "or fasting, anyway. You stand at the brink of a great historical endeavor, and you need to be in the proper state of mind. The kids are given three meals a day, and two healthy snacks. It's better than they got on the streets.'- check over the speech marks here as well in this sequence of dialogue.
I loved Bruce's I have no earthly problems, I'm 12! LOL
Comment Written 05-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2016
-
Thanks so much for catching everything for me. I know I've said this before, but I don't care how many times I read over it, I still miss stuff.
Thanks for the content comments as well!
Off I go to make changes...
-
It's the same for us all, just some of us can't admit it! LOL
The speech marks must be a nightmare to keep track of.
G
-
They really are a pain. But what happens is that I go in and revise, and get so caught up in it that I forget to change the quotation marks. I guess that's what friendly reviewers are for!
Comment from mfowler
This is such a stunning premise for a supernatural adventure for The Daredevil Girls. What's becoming spooky for me is that I'm starting to believe these kids exist in real time and that these strange creatures from other places and times, are all around me. In other words, the whole thing feels authentic. Akie is such a megalomaniac with an ego of monumental proportions. His plans are enormous, as is his lack of humanity in his search for ancient resurrections. These kids have built this aura in my mind of being unflappable. Despite being at the end of a gun and on the cusp of being sacrificed to the yet unborn dead, they remain unfazed. Of course, only kids like this could deliberately seek out such quirky dangers. Terrific dialogue used in this. The whole chapter flowed really well. Such an original book. Really enjoyed this chapter.
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2016
|
This is such a stunning premise for a supernatural adventure for The Daredevil Girls. What's becoming spooky for me is that I'm starting to believe these kids exist in real time and that these strange creatures from other places and times, are all around me. In other words, the whole thing feels authentic. Akie is such a megalomaniac with an ego of monumental proportions. His plans are enormous, as is his lack of humanity in his search for ancient resurrections. These kids have built this aura in my mind of being unflappable. Despite being at the end of a gun and on the cusp of being sacrificed to the yet unborn dead, they remain unfazed. Of course, only kids like this could deliberately seek out such quirky dangers. Terrific dialogue used in this. The whole chapter flowed really well. Such an original book. Really enjoyed this chapter.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2016
-
Wow, thank you so much! You have nailed a lot of the points I've tried to make with this book. First of all, is trying to make it realistic. A lot of fantasy and sci-fi makes things so far fetched, it's difficult to reach and understand.
I'm glad I've built up the idea of Akie being an nutso from another century. Some things never change.
The calm of the kids in the face of danger is purposeful, and for the reasons you mentioned. Some of it is because they are in a group, but you'll find, shortly, that they are pretty tough on their own as well. Part of it is their nature, and part their training.
Thank you soooo much,
Rhonda
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Well written story continuing this action-packed drama.
Now with the two missing a touch of suspense has also been thrown into the mix.
Being interesting to see where you take this story to from this point.
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2016
|
Well written story continuing this action-packed drama.
Now with the two missing a touch of suspense has also been thrown into the mix.
Being interesting to see where you take this story to from this point.
Comment Written 05-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 05-Jun-2016
-
Thank you, Brett. Yes, we'll find out what happens pretty quickly. I appreciate the support,
Rhonda
