Comment from mitc66

Good

I love the details and this story brought a smile to my face! All though, I didn't quite get what you meant by "He must have tied one on again last night." You did a GREAT job on wording and spelling and you made me laugh in about every sentence.

 Comment Written 03-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 03-Jun-2016

Thank you. When one says someone tied one on; they mean the person they are talking about got seriously drunk.

Comment from F. Wehr3

Good

Cute story. I enjoyed your work. I found a couple of things for your consideration.

'The clock read Four forty- seven A.M; about two hours before breakfast and time to start mixing spells for my clients.' A few things for this sentence. four forty-seven a.m., ( you need a comma instead of a semi-colon because the second part is NOT a complete sentence). The time should not be capitalized.

We witches don't need to put up with such crap if we decide not to. ' I recommend not ending a sentence with a preposition (to). put up with such crap. Nice line by the way!

smashed his car' maybe 'into' his car

I hope this is helpful.

Take care,
Russell

 Comment Written 03-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 03-Jun-2016

Thank you for the helpful comments. I will edit and correct.

Comment from sage17611

Excellent

I'm not sadistic, but your story made me laugh. Did the witch put a spell on that man, LOL, or was that his unfortunate demise? I like the flow and the theme of your story which was interesting. I'm still reading to cast my vote, but this one is a contender. Good job.

 Comment Written 03-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 03-Jun-2016

Thank you. Sometimes I wish I was a witch. Not that I want to kill anyone, just sting their butts up a little.

Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose

Excellent

Hahaha, good job, poet.

Hello, poet,

Good job adding the necessary amount of words in a cohesive and well written piece under 150 words. I thought the story was amusing and amazingly well done for having so many restrictions of words plus the rules of must words.
Good job.

 Comment Written 03-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 03-Jun-2016

Thank you. I love these short-short stories. They are fun and a challenge to write.

Comment from Dean Kuch

Excellent

Hey, if I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times (probably more!).

"Heav'n has no rage like love to hatred turn'd--
Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd."
Okay, I'll admit, it wasn't me who first uttered those famous words. It was poet and playwright William Congreve in his play, "The Mourning Bride."
So, sue me, heh-heh...
Still, if you're gonna play the "field", you might want to bring a shovel along, just in case. Especially if you're messin' around on a black witch!

Good story, a tiny tale of tawdry revenge.
Best of luck in the contest...

 Comment Written 03-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 03-Jun-2016

Thank you. I love the picture you sent me. It goes great with my writing.

reply by Dean Kuch on 03-Jun-2016

You're welcome.
Enjoy the weekend.
~Dean :}

Comment from Dawn Munro

Excellent

Hahaha - I like this little story. It insinuates without insulting the reader's intelligence. A deft hand, IMO. We can easily surmise one of this little bride's spells was responsible for the 'accident'.Good luck in the contest. :)

 Comment Written 03-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 03-Jun-2016

Thank you. sometime I wished I was a witch while married to my first husband.

reply by Dawn Munro on 03-Jun-2016

LOL.

Comment from jpduck

Excellent

I thought this was very neat. You managed to include the required words very naturally. Best of luck with the contest'

One typo:

was probably at some all-night party or in a prostitute's bed.I really didn't care anymore (Insert a space after the period).


Adrian

 Comment Written 03-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 03-Jun-2016

Thank you. Oops. nice catch; I don't know how I missed that one. Glad you liked it. I love these short pieces as they are a challenge to write.

Comment from giraffmang

Good

Hi there,

This is a good entry for the competition. I liked the premise and the words were incorporated very well so they didn't stand out.

The clock read Four forty seven A.M - four forty-seven a.m.

prostitute's bed.I really - need a space after the full stop.

Mam, we regret to inform - I think this should be Ma'am.

he didn't survive". - full stop should really be inside the speech marks.

GMG

 Comment Written 03-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 03-Jun-2016

Thank you, my friend. I appreciate your good and honest reviews. You never fail to lend me a hand. Thanks again.

Comment from Mabaker

Excellent

Oh my oh my aren't you a naughty little witch. Bet it felt good though. Here I was expecting to hear chains rattling instead I heard strains of "I am woman, hear me Roar!" Such a cleverly written story. I hope you did well in the contest. Regards Mabaker.

 Comment Written 03-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 03-Jun-2016

Thank you. I'm so glad you enjoyed the story.

Comment from spellbound

Average

This is a great idea and use of the required words. I love your ending. Great choice of artwork.

Some suggestions:

4:47 reads as four forty-seven

I recommend removal of 'some more' -- "about two hours before breakfast and time to start mixing some more spells for my clients." It's not needed.

I recommend a space after the period -- "prostitute's bed.I really didn't care"





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 Comment Written 02-Jun-2016

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reply by the author on 03-Jun-2016

Thank you. Grammar seems to be my weak point. I appreciate good, honest reviews.