A Requiem
In ballad measure52 total reviews
Comment from nancyjam
This is a very well crafted Ballad poem.
It flows smoothly with excellent rhyme and
meter.
Offers the reader a chance to connect
with a fellow poet and urges him to
live in the present for soon he will be gone.
Nancy
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2016
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This is a very well crafted Ballad poem.
It flows smoothly with excellent rhyme and
meter.
Offers the reader a chance to connect
with a fellow poet and urges him to
live in the present for soon he will be gone.
Nancy
Comment Written 01-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2016
-
Thanks so much, Nancy, for your review of A Requiem. Much appreciated! I'm delighted that you enjoyed it and found meaning in it. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Susanjohn
Omgoodness this so nice!!! love the message...and the wording!! wow...enjoyed reading this poem of yours very much!! :-)))
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2016
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Omgoodness this so nice!!! love the message...and the wording!! wow...enjoyed reading this poem of yours very much!! :-)))
Comment Written 01-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2016
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Thanks so much, Susan, for your review of A Requiem and six stars. Much appreciated! I'm delighted that you enjoyed it and found meaning in it. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
YOu are telling us to take in what you say as advice and then go on to live our lives to the fullest.
writing and reading piece do link one to another.
Excellent rhyme and flow
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2016
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YOu are telling us to take in what you say as advice and then go on to live our lives to the fullest.
writing and reading piece do link one to another.
Excellent rhyme and flow
Comment Written 01-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2016
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Thanks so much, Barb, for your review of A Requiem. Much appreciated! I'm delighted that you enjoyed it and found meaning in it. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from krys123
Cheers Tony;
-I really enjoyed tribute and laudation to the nature of human kindness and the love and life that each man and woman adheres to. With a touch of serenity and tranquility you are able to create the gentleness to understand how one may take the time to stop and read this poem share the beauty and joy that you have had and that you enjoy.
-Your rhyming being ABCB when force for labor and helpful in making the reading flow smoothly.
-Each and all of rhyming words contingent and supportive to the meaning and concept of the all of your lines therefore making the rhythm the flow smoothly.
-Affect me being a tetrameter followed by trimeter in a trochee format also noted was the fact that some of your lines were iambic and with the cadence, timing and tempo it made the reading clear, fluid and very easy.
-I found the resonant beauty of your picture a great choice to make your picture., Relative and supportive to the conceptual theme of your writing.
-The imagery was subtle but distinctly clear and most evidently and definitively expressive and also vividly and demonstratively descriptive throughout your writing.
-Always enjoy your writing for they continued broaden my sense of poetry and helps me inhabit your emotions and feelings that you write about.
-Thank you for sharing and posting and may the good Lord be with you always Tony.
Alex
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2016
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Cheers Tony;
-I really enjoyed tribute and laudation to the nature of human kindness and the love and life that each man and woman adheres to. With a touch of serenity and tranquility you are able to create the gentleness to understand how one may take the time to stop and read this poem share the beauty and joy that you have had and that you enjoy.
-Your rhyming being ABCB when force for labor and helpful in making the reading flow smoothly.
-Each and all of rhyming words contingent and supportive to the meaning and concept of the all of your lines therefore making the rhythm the flow smoothly.
-Affect me being a tetrameter followed by trimeter in a trochee format also noted was the fact that some of your lines were iambic and with the cadence, timing and tempo it made the reading clear, fluid and very easy.
-I found the resonant beauty of your picture a great choice to make your picture., Relative and supportive to the conceptual theme of your writing.
-The imagery was subtle but distinctly clear and most evidently and definitively expressive and also vividly and demonstratively descriptive throughout your writing.
-Always enjoy your writing for they continued broaden my sense of poetry and helps me inhabit your emotions and feelings that you write about.
-Thank you for sharing and posting and may the good Lord be with you always Tony.
Alex
Comment Written 01-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2016
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Thanks so much, Alex, for your review of A Requiem. Much appreciated! I'm delighted that you enjoyed it and found meaning in it. Best wishes, Tony
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You are very deeply and sincerely welcome Tony.
Alex
Comment from MissMerri
I love this poem. It seems so full of wisdom and the truth it tells is told with a musical rhythm and perfect abcb rhymes. I especially loved the fourth and sixth verses, though the fifth also spoke to me on a personal level. The whole thing is just a beautiful piece. It is a poem I suggest you publish.
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2016
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I love this poem. It seems so full of wisdom and the truth it tells is told with a musical rhythm and perfect abcb rhymes. I especially loved the fourth and sixth verses, though the fifth also spoke to me on a personal level. The whole thing is just a beautiful piece. It is a poem I suggest you publish.
Comment Written 01-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2016
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Thanks so much, MissMerri, for your review of A Requiem and gift of six stars. Much appreciated! I'm delighted that you enjoyed it and found meaning in it. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Bill Schott
This poem, A Requiem, is more a call to awaken and live the life you've imagined. Dreams are for people who sleep. Life is a short walk from birth to death; we should get the most out of it. The red and bizarre bird really call us in and perform the dual task of including the bird references and depicting life as a grand experience. Nice. Happy day.
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2016
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This poem, A Requiem, is more a call to awaken and live the life you've imagined. Dreams are for people who sleep. Life is a short walk from birth to death; we should get the most out of it. The red and bizarre bird really call us in and perform the dual task of including the bird references and depicting life as a grand experience. Nice. Happy day.
Comment Written 01-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2016
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Thanks so much, Bill, for your review of A Requiem. Much appreciated! I'm delighted that you enjoyed it and found meaning in it. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A great song/poem from one soul to another. Where they meet halfway when the other read what was written, to open their souls to find each other in time.
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2016
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A great song/poem from one soul to another. Where they meet halfway when the other read what was written, to open their souls to find each other in time.
Comment Written 01-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2016
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Thanks so much, Sandra, for your review of A Requiem. Much appreciated! I'm delighted that you enjoyed it and found meaning in it. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Just2Write
A beautiful poem in ballad meter, Tony.
This poem is so refreshing, and really speaks to me. Much of your poetry does. There is far more right with the poem than not and was a joy to read.
At first, I wasn't sure why you called it a requiem, and then I realized that it was written from the POV of your departed soul, and in a way it was your song of life and the love you have for it. I hope that those reading it will send a song or two for the birds to share with the living.
The meter works well and could be woven as lyrics into a song very easily, which is of course, what ballad meter means.
S7L1
Some words become immortal (Iambic tetrameter)
some WORDS / be COME / im MOR / tal
uses a catalexis on the final foot, and though to my eye, it doesn't hurt the meter, using one on the first line of a quatrain is not that common.
If you want to leave it, that's okay - if however, you wanted to 'complete' that final foot, you could consider something like:
Some words become immortal things - or another noun that strikes your fancy.
Or you can play a bit with a line like
'Some words fly on immortal wings'
Just a thought.
Your final stanza starts with:
Then go out and live your life
and free yourself from care.
This is not a full sentence. Because it starts with the word 'then' it is a conclusion to the thought stream of the previous stanza.
Perhaps something like:
Now that we've met, go live your life. - or -
You've heard my song, go live your life.
Rose.
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2016
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A beautiful poem in ballad meter, Tony.
This poem is so refreshing, and really speaks to me. Much of your poetry does. There is far more right with the poem than not and was a joy to read.
At first, I wasn't sure why you called it a requiem, and then I realized that it was written from the POV of your departed soul, and in a way it was your song of life and the love you have for it. I hope that those reading it will send a song or two for the birds to share with the living.
The meter works well and could be woven as lyrics into a song very easily, which is of course, what ballad meter means.
S7L1
Some words become immortal (Iambic tetrameter)
some WORDS / be COME / im MOR / tal
uses a catalexis on the final foot, and though to my eye, it doesn't hurt the meter, using one on the first line of a quatrain is not that common.
If you want to leave it, that's okay - if however, you wanted to 'complete' that final foot, you could consider something like:
Some words become immortal things - or another noun that strikes your fancy.
Or you can play a bit with a line like
'Some words fly on immortal wings'
Just a thought.
Your final stanza starts with:
Then go out and live your life
and free yourself from care.
This is not a full sentence. Because it starts with the word 'then' it is a conclusion to the thought stream of the previous stanza.
Perhaps something like:
Now that we've met, go live your life. - or -
You've heard my song, go live your life.
Rose.
Comment Written 01-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2016
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Thanks so much, Rose, for your review of A Requiem. Much appreciated! I'm delighted that you enjoyed it and found meaning in it. You are absolutely right about the final stanza, which definitely needs further work. I'm of a mind to recast both of the last two stanzas to improve the flow and the syntax. Thank you for taking the time to give such a thoughtful and helpful review. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Joy Graham
Hi there,
I'm excited to see a requiem. I've always been curious about them. I know the great musicians have put them to music, but I'm unsure how to do that in poetry?
You start out great guns with asking passers by to stop and take a moment to remember. I like that. It is a powerful feeling. I get all emotional thinking about people stopping by my own gravestone. I'm not ready for that eternal sleep yet.
So you go on to say we should read your words and then let them go. I feel the opposite and want my poems placed in books so my words can live a bunch of years after I'm gone.
All in all I enjoyed this requiem. Well done.
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2016
|
Hi there,
I'm excited to see a requiem. I've always been curious about them. I know the great musicians have put them to music, but I'm unsure how to do that in poetry?
You start out great guns with asking passers by to stop and take a moment to remember. I like that. It is a powerful feeling. I get all emotional thinking about people stopping by my own gravestone. I'm not ready for that eternal sleep yet.
So you go on to say we should read your words and then let them go. I feel the opposite and want my poems placed in books so my words can live a bunch of years after I'm gone.
All in all I enjoyed this requiem. Well done.
Comment Written 01-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2016
-
Thanks so much, Joy, for your review of A Requiem. Much appreciated! I'm delighted that you enjoyed it and found meaning in it. You are right, I think, in striving for poetry of an enduring quality. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Ann Dudley Duncan
You have an excellent poem here, congratulations! I wanted to give you a six stars but found the meter had
changed in the last two verses, although the last line was
correct. Loved it!
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2016
|
You have an excellent poem here, congratulations! I wanted to give you a six stars but found the meter had
changed in the last two verses, although the last line was
correct. Loved it!
Comment Written 01-Jun-2016
reply by the author on 01-Jun-2016
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Thank you so much for this review, Ann. You are absolutely right about the metric variations near the end, not unusual in ballad poetry but clumsy here and in need of a re-write. Best wishes, Tony.
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We can't be perfect all the time but you were VERY
close! I can't believe some of the bloopers I make?
