Cowboy Attitudes
Old West - flash fiction (800-words)48 total reviews
Comment from RosieCus
It plays out like a scene in a western movie. Very well written and smooth to read. I like the ending where the scene of the stranger's unwanted intrusion is reprised. This scene could be replayed on an endless loop.
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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It plays out like a scene in a western movie. Very well written and smooth to read. I like the ending where the scene of the stranger's unwanted intrusion is reprised. This scene could be replayed on an endless loop.
Comment Written 29-May-2016
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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Thank you so much, Rosie G, for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. I am so happy with your comment about the replaying loop as that was my exact intentions, for the cycle of life to recur over and over. Much appreciated! :-)
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Ric
= This was fun flash fiction.
= Not so good for the one fella.
= Then, OOPS, looks as is the bad guy might get his.
= Great storytelling. You should write more often. (*<*)
Just found some SPAG for you.
<> Add comma after (boot).
<> Delete: Where
1) By using it, makes the sentence incomplete.
2) If you want to keep (Where), then you need a comma in place of the period after (store).
Some hard-boot(,) heavy stepper came from the livery stable, clomping down the old splintered-oak boardwalk past the entrance to the general store. [Where the] (The) cowpoke sat humped over, arms dangling, catching a little catnap here and there.
<> Ellipses--I just listed a couple of examples.
1) No space between your periods.
= "Say what . . . ? What in the ( what ...?)
= "Partner . . . like howdy, partner. ("Partner ... like)
1) Lower case after ellipses, unless a noun.
2) I'm thinking uppercase for Big Boy, since you're using it as a noun.
= yet, [big boy](Big Boy) . . . [B]ut, about two (Big Boy ... but)
<> When using Mister / Sir as a noun, it is uppercase.
<> However terms of endearment are lowercase.
= No offense meant, [m](M)ister . . . just trying to
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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Hi, Ric
= This was fun flash fiction.
= Not so good for the one fella.
= Then, OOPS, looks as is the bad guy might get his.
= Great storytelling. You should write more often. (*<*)
Just found some SPAG for you.
<> Add comma after (boot).
<> Delete: Where
1) By using it, makes the sentence incomplete.
2) If you want to keep (Where), then you need a comma in place of the period after (store).
Some hard-boot(,) heavy stepper came from the livery stable, clomping down the old splintered-oak boardwalk past the entrance to the general store. [Where the] (The) cowpoke sat humped over, arms dangling, catching a little catnap here and there.
<> Ellipses--I just listed a couple of examples.
1) No space between your periods.
= "Say what . . . ? What in the ( what ...?)
= "Partner . . . like howdy, partner. ("Partner ... like)
1) Lower case after ellipses, unless a noun.
2) I'm thinking uppercase for Big Boy, since you're using it as a noun.
= yet, [big boy](Big Boy) . . . [B]ut, about two (Big Boy ... but)
<> When using Mister / Sir as a noun, it is uppercase.
<> However terms of endearment are lowercase.
= No offense meant, [m](M)ister . . . just trying to
Comment Written 29-May-2016
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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Thank you so much, Jax, for taking time to read my story and offer your suggestions. Lord knows, I need all the help I can get, as I'm the worlds worst at getting in a hurry and reading right through my own mistakes. I have already made most of the changes you suggested and rewrote a sentence or two. Although, Big Boy and Mister are pro-nouns and shouldn't really be capitalized, I agree with you and like them better that way. Capitalizing "But" was just an over sight, as was the left out comma. I know the correct way to make an ellipsis; however, I make them with the spaces as a preference, as do a few of my favorite writers. I personally just think they look better that way, and when they are used to show hesitation and to carry on it makes better sense to me than them being short and choppy rather than spaced. Oh, well, different strokes for different folks. It would be a dull world if we all thought the same. LOL! But, there is one thing for sure, I learn from you every day, and I can't thank you enough for spending your time, that none of us can fine enough of, to offer your help and suggestions. I appreciate YOU! Writing you that way might not be proper either, but I hope the emphasis gets my point across. Thanks a million!
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= You're most welcome. (*<*)
= I think using creative license when it comes to our work, is what makes our style unique. I agree with you 100%. Go for it.
= I always enjoy your stories. Happy Writing!
Comment from Ginger Banks
This is a fun and sort of creepy story all at the same time due to the cliff hanger ending. It's not a criticism, it's a compliment. You have a good knowledge of guns, how they work, and what a cowboy might doing to them after dispatching a shot(s) at any proposed target, animal, human or otherwise. I understand from the end of the story, why them man who sits in the vacated chair is unconcerned about any blood, from man who was shot, on the chair or wall. You make reading a "western" fun, thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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This is a fun and sort of creepy story all at the same time due to the cliff hanger ending. It's not a criticism, it's a compliment. You have a good knowledge of guns, how they work, and what a cowboy might doing to them after dispatching a shot(s) at any proposed target, animal, human or otherwise. I understand from the end of the story, why them man who sits in the vacated chair is unconcerned about any blood, from man who was shot, on the chair or wall. You make reading a "western" fun, thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 29-May-2016
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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Thank you so much, Ginger Banks, for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and outstanding six-star review are greatly appreciated. You have made my day! and I hope I can put a smile on someone's face every day of my life, although that hasn't always been a priority in the earlier days. Wish You the Best! :-)
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You're welcome!
Comment from F. Wehr3
I thought this was a good story. I found a couple of things for your consideration.
"So, what-do-ya-say there partner?" He said, trying to sound quite neighborly toward the snoozer, it appeared.' Two things for this sentence. First, you have a speech tag. In this case, use a lower case he. Second, the use of off-setting commas means the parts of the sentence on either side need to coordinate. He said it appeared. My suggestion is to take 'it appeared' out.
I don't know you." Said the somewhat startled man in the chair,' A different speech tag, use a comma after you and lower case the word 'said'.
I hope this is helpful, and overall I enjoyed your story.
Take care,
Russell
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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I thought this was a good story. I found a couple of things for your consideration.
"So, what-do-ya-say there partner?" He said, trying to sound quite neighborly toward the snoozer, it appeared.' Two things for this sentence. First, you have a speech tag. In this case, use a lower case he. Second, the use of off-setting commas means the parts of the sentence on either side need to coordinate. He said it appeared. My suggestion is to take 'it appeared' out.
I don't know you." Said the somewhat startled man in the chair,' A different speech tag, use a comma after you and lower case the word 'said'.
I hope this is helpful, and overall I enjoyed your story.
Take care,
Russell
Comment Written 29-May-2016
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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Thank you so much, Russell, for taking time to read my story. Your kind words, suggestions, and generous review are greatly appreciated. I took about ten minutes to write this story, and then two days going back and forth on a few things I didn't like. One being the sentence ending with "it appeared." After much thought, I left it in, because the sentence said, trying to sound quite neighborly toward the snoozer, and how could the narrator know what he was trying to do? So, I added "it appeared" at the end of the sentence as an explanation. I made the other suggestions you made as they were absolutely just over sights on my part. I appreciate you spending your time to offer suggestions to make my posts better. Thanks a million. :-)
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Those were the days! LOL, daren't say a word to anyone. But, as you say, things haven't changed much. I like these flash fictions, we don't get enough on here. I think you got just about the right mix of everything to make it work. The twist at the end was excellent. Just must remember not to ask how anyone is anymore! Great little read. :) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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Those were the days! LOL, daren't say a word to anyone. But, as you say, things haven't changed much. I like these flash fictions, we don't get enough on here. I think you got just about the right mix of everything to make it work. The twist at the end was excellent. Just must remember not to ask how anyone is anymore! Great little read. :) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 29-May-2016
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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Thank you so much, Sandra Mitchell, my dear, for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. Just having a little fun with characters. :-)
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Ric,
I enjoyed this piece. I also like the very cyclical nature of the piece, although I have feeling the newcomer will be a bit more prepared than the last fella!
The dialect work well and the descriptions well drawn too.
Chewing on an unlit stogy - I think it is spelt stogie.
There was complete silence - maybe substitute complete here for dead or something similar to avoid the repetition from complete stop?
All the best
G
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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Hi Ric,
I enjoyed this piece. I also like the very cyclical nature of the piece, although I have feeling the newcomer will be a bit more prepared than the last fella!
The dialect work well and the descriptions well drawn too.
Chewing on an unlit stogy - I think it is spelt stogie.
There was complete silence - maybe substitute complete here for dead or something similar to avoid the repetition from complete stop?
All the best
G
Comment Written 29-May-2016
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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Thank you so much, Giraffmang, for taking time to read my story. Your kind words, suggestions, and generous review are greatly appreciated. Both of the dictionaries that I looked in said that stogy was an alternate spelling or plural for stogies. However, if you say stogie is the way it should be, then it's stogie for me. And I'm so glad you pointed out the repetitive use of the word complete in two sentences so close together. I can't even believe that I would have made that blunder. Thanks, again. :-)
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
Haven't read a good western in a long time and you are hearing that from a Louis Lamore, Zane Grey fan.
Very well written and the accent/pronunications are excellently done.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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Haven't read a good western in a long time and you are hearing that from a Louis Lamore, Zane Grey fan.
Very well written and the accent/pronunications are excellently done.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 29-May-2016
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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Thank you so much, Barb, for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and generous review are greatly appreciated. I loved good westerns growing up, but there aren't many any more. However, I did rent one called "Forsaken" a few weeks back with Keifer and his dad Donald Sutherland in it. :-)
Comment from michaelcahill
What the hell, bro. This is killer. HAAAAHAHAHA! I don't think I've read hardly anything of yours 'cause you never hardly post anything. You need to post more. This is smooth as glass and spot on with the dialogue, feel, everything right down the line. Check out the new CHALLENGES forum today. We's a havin' a prose challenge, not that mamby pamby poetical crap, PROSE. LOL
Our first run at 3PM Eastern Time. Dialogue only, two hundred words or more. I know you can handle that. I just read it. HA! Be there. mikey
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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What the hell, bro. This is killer. HAAAAHAHAHA! I don't think I've read hardly anything of yours 'cause you never hardly post anything. You need to post more. This is smooth as glass and spot on with the dialogue, feel, everything right down the line. Check out the new CHALLENGES forum today. We's a havin' a prose challenge, not that mamby pamby poetical crap, PROSE. LOL
Our first run at 3PM Eastern Time. Dialogue only, two hundred words or more. I know you can handle that. I just read it. HA! Be there. mikey
Comment Written 29-May-2016
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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Thank you so much, Mikey, my friend, for taking time to read my story. Your kind words and extra special six-star review are greatly appreciated. And thanks for another invite. I am going to take you up on one of those real soon, although I'll be a little intimidated by the skills of some of you. I'm sure I'll learn a bunch. I won't make it this week, as I'm trying to finish a piece for a Tuesday deadline. Now, that is one that I am anxious to get your opinion on. Of course, it's not something that the majority on the site will like, which is why I keep teetering back and forth on whether to enter the contest or not. You've made my day! Hell, who am I kidding, maybe my week! :-)
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When in doubt? POST IT! I'll keep my eyes open. When I'm worried about something I'm posting, it's always for nothing. I've posted some pretty crazy stuff and no one batted an eye, even the old ladies I thought would have a heart attack!!! LOL
