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Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "Fifi Fungirl Feeziltow"These are fictional character sketches.
11 total reviews
Comment from w.j.debi
So who was more upset with her dating habits, the gangster or the copper? Either way I suppose it doesn't make much difference to Fifi. Love the alliteration, especially of Fifi's full name. This was a fun bit of dark humor, and warning to be careful how and how many a girl should date.
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
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So who was more upset with her dating habits, the gangster or the copper? Either way I suppose it doesn't make much difference to Fifi. Love the alliteration, especially of Fifi's full name. This was a fun bit of dark humor, and warning to be careful how and how many a girl should date.
Comment Written 30-May-2016
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
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Thank you, wjd, for the excellent review. Bill
Comment from Dean Kuch
yep. Mess with a gangster, double cross him or do him wrong, and you'll soon find yourself sleeping with the fishes. Or, in Fifi's case, becoming their lunch.
Excellent, Bill...
~Dean :}
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
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yep. Mess with a gangster, double cross him or do him wrong, and you'll soon find yourself sleeping with the fishes. Or, in Fifi's case, becoming their lunch.
Excellent, Bill...
~Dean :}
Comment Written 30-May-2016
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
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Thank you, Dean, for the excellent review. Love hurts.
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Hah! You're telling ME?
You're welcome, Bill.
~Dean
Comment from frogbook
A frightening kitty story of who NOT to cross. Haha. I loved it. Very clever and funny while using great writing skills and alliteration. Excellent.
reply by the author on 28-May-2016
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A frightening kitty story of who NOT to cross. Haha. I loved it. Very clever and funny while using great writing skills and alliteration. Excellent.
Comment Written 28-May-2016
reply by the author on 28-May-2016
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Thank you, FB, for the excellent review. Bill
Comment from krys123
Hello Bill;
-haven't seen you around in a while and anyway welcome back.
-What an unpleasant way to go being chopped up as chum for fish, yeeech!
-All of your rhyming words were not four-story labored and helpful in making the reading clear.
-Also your rhyming words were contingent and supportive to each and all of your lines therefore making the rhythm to flow smoothly.
-Along with your type of meter your cadence, timing and tempo while helpful in making the reading clear, fluid and very easy.
-Your alliteration's of the letters F,S,T and M were noticeable.
-Thank you for sharing and posting and may the Lord be with you always Bill.
Alex
reply by the author on 28-May-2016
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Hello Bill;
-haven't seen you around in a while and anyway welcome back.
-What an unpleasant way to go being chopped up as chum for fish, yeeech!
-All of your rhyming words were not four-story labored and helpful in making the reading clear.
-Also your rhyming words were contingent and supportive to each and all of your lines therefore making the rhythm to flow smoothly.
-Along with your type of meter your cadence, timing and tempo while helpful in making the reading clear, fluid and very easy.
-Your alliteration's of the letters F,S,T and M were noticeable.
-Thank you for sharing and posting and may the Lord be with you always Bill.
Alex
Comment Written 28-May-2016
reply by the author on 28-May-2016
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Thank you, Alex, for the excellent and detailed review. Bill
Comment from Galactia
Hi
Well this poem certainly flowed, i see nothing wrong with your rhyme scheeme. Amongst the madness it does make sence about a dancing girl who dated two guys and apeared too be a little loose with no shame. Where evee she left is anyones guess.
reply by the author on 28-May-2016
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Hi
Well this poem certainly flowed, i see nothing wrong with your rhyme scheeme. Amongst the madness it does make sence about a dancing girl who dated two guys and apeared too be a little loose with no shame. Where evee she left is anyones guess.
Comment Written 28-May-2016
reply by the author on 28-May-2016
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Thank you, G, for the excellent review. Bill
Comment from dmt1967
This poem is not up to your usual standard, my friend. The rhymes seem false and forced. The first stanza does not rhyme at all and the poem doesn't make sense. I like the blue writing, though. Thank you for sharing.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 28-May-2016
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This poem is not up to your usual standard, my friend. The rhymes seem false and forced. The first stanza does not rhyme at all and the poem doesn't make sense. I like the blue writing, though. Thank you for sharing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-May-2016
reply by the author on 28-May-2016
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I am pleased to hear I have a standard. Sorry this didn't toast your muffin today. The story needs another stanza to make better sense, I agree. Basically Fifi got caught stepping out on Mo, and either he or Manny had her chopped up and fed to the fish. Thank you for reviewing. Bill
Comment from cumulus365
This piece is so funny, and it is very refreshing to read. Thanks for making a mystery story very short instead of a lengthy chapters piece. Only a seasoned writer can convey the topic in a few words. I like the names of the character, the rhyming technique, and the constant four-sentence stanzas. It's not a murder mystery, it's just missing (MIA :)) I really enjoy this piece. Good job.
reply by the author on 28-May-2016
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This piece is so funny, and it is very refreshing to read. Thanks for making a mystery story very short instead of a lengthy chapters piece. Only a seasoned writer can convey the topic in a few words. I like the names of the character, the rhyming technique, and the constant four-sentence stanzas. It's not a murder mystery, it's just missing (MIA :)) I really enjoy this piece. Good job.
Comment Written 28-May-2016
reply by the author on 28-May-2016
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Thank you, Cumulus, for the excellent review. Bill
Comment from Jay Squires
Dang but it's good to have you back, Bill. What the hell kept you away? This is a clever poem with the name calisthenics I'm used to from you. Great job!
reply by the author on 28-May-2016
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Dang but it's good to have you back, Bill. What the hell kept you away? This is a clever poem with the name calisthenics I'm used to from you. Great job!
Comment Written 28-May-2016
reply by the author on 28-May-2016
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Thank you, Jay, for the excellent review. My membership elapsed and I took a break to reassess. Are you starting something new?
Comment from P1
well that's what ya get for putting it about
ha ha. well written poem with a great sense
of humor style in it. you tell the story in a
light hearted fashion even though she ends
up fed to the fishies ha ha . pleasure to read and
review
reply by the author on 28-May-2016
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well that's what ya get for putting it about
ha ha. well written poem with a great sense
of humor style in it. you tell the story in a
light hearted fashion even though she ends
up fed to the fishies ha ha . pleasure to read and
review
Comment Written 27-May-2016
reply by the author on 28-May-2016
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Thank you, Paige, for the excellent review. Bill
Comment from kiwisteveh
Ah, gotta love a little taste of black humour!
And dance girls should know better than to go two-timing their mobster boyfriends.
Light-hearted piece with lots of fun rhymes. feeziltow??
Steve
reply by the author on 28-May-2016
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Ah, gotta love a little taste of black humour!
And dance girls should know better than to go two-timing their mobster boyfriends.
Light-hearted piece with lots of fun rhymes. feeziltow??
Steve
Comment Written 27-May-2016
reply by the author on 28-May-2016
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Thank you, Steve, for the excellent review. Bill
