haiku (splintering sunlight)
Haiku59 total reviews
Comment from krys123
Hello Steve;
-I do like the waves started off your haiku with an alliteration with the letter S used.
-Your first two lines are definitely grammatically interconnected and also human imagery that is definitively clear and distinctly expressive and vividly descriptive.
-Your satori if you're writing that special aha moment and the spontaneity of excitement but also summarizes the relativity of your conceptual theme very well.
-The picture is very appropriate, relative and supportive to the conceptual theme of your writing.
-Good luck in the contest even make a good Lord be with you always.
Alex
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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Hello Steve;
-I do like the waves started off your haiku with an alliteration with the letter S used.
-Your first two lines are definitely grammatically interconnected and also human imagery that is definitively clear and distinctly expressive and vividly descriptive.
-Your satori if you're writing that special aha moment and the spontaneity of excitement but also summarizes the relativity of your conceptual theme very well.
-The picture is very appropriate, relative and supportive to the conceptual theme of your writing.
-Good luck in the contest even make a good Lord be with you always.
Alex
Comment Written 28-May-2016
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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Thanks, Alex. I appreciate the very kind words.
Steve
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You are very welcome Steve.
Alex
Comment from Nika2016
Beautiful little haiku with the repeating sound of "s"....one sees the glitter from the web in apt photo. The poem is visual and feels tactile, as well.
Nice work....Is the web a contest theme? I see it a lot here.
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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Beautiful little haiku with the repeating sound of "s"....one sees the glitter from the web in apt photo. The poem is visual and feels tactile, as well.
Nice work....Is the web a contest theme? I see it a lot here.
Comment Written 28-May-2016
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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Thanks so much, Nika.
No, the web just came into my head, but I believe there was a recent contest with webs as a theme - a picture, perhaps...
Steve
Comment from evesayshi
In my opinion, an enchanting Haiku defining nature's light, in complete compliance with the prompt and exquisite in its simple articulation - Best of Luck in the contest...
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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In my opinion, an enchanting Haiku defining nature's light, in complete compliance with the prompt and exquisite in its simple articulation - Best of Luck in the contest...
Comment Written 28-May-2016
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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Thanks, Eve - glad you enjoyed.
Steve
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You are very welcome - I so did...
Comment from create4christ
Your picture is beautiful and is compatible with your Haiku. Your Haiku follows the 5-7-5 structure perfectly. Your words describe the spider web nicely. Good luck with your contest.
This is well done. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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Your picture is beautiful and is compatible with your Haiku. Your Haiku follows the 5-7-5 structure perfectly. Your words describe the spider web nicely. Good luck with your contest.
This is well done. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 28-May-2016
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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Thanks for the kind words.
Steve
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You're welcome
Comment from konni
Very nice work.
Good syllabication 5/7/5 and alliteration
Presentation very nice, apt image, soft-grey text--soft and gentle as the idea itself
Wonderful imagery and thinking in a poem--I love it!
Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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Very nice work.
Good syllabication 5/7/5 and alliteration
Presentation very nice, apt image, soft-grey text--soft and gentle as the idea itself
Wonderful imagery and thinking in a poem--I love it!
Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 28-May-2016
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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Thanks for the kind words.
Steve
Comment from Just2Write
This is excellent, Steve. You always have such a fresh insight with Haiku. I loved the word imagery, and yes, the web is a masterpiece of hard work on the part of the spider. You adhere well to the rules of Haiku, which unfortunately are overlooked by many.
to my eye - this is an perfect example of what haiku should be. Good luck in the contest.
Rose.
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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This is excellent, Steve. You always have such a fresh insight with Haiku. I loved the word imagery, and yes, the web is a masterpiece of hard work on the part of the spider. You adhere well to the rules of Haiku, which unfortunately are overlooked by many.
to my eye - this is an perfect example of what haiku should be. Good luck in the contest.
Rose.
Comment Written 28-May-2016
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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Thanks, Rose. I value your opinion.
I am self-taught in haiku, and a couple of those who took classes with the late Alvin, have queried whether there is a kigo - fortunately I found the spider is acceptable - and also the use of -ing words... Damn man never liked my haiku when he was alive, and now he's coming back to haunt me!
Steve
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I thought the fresh-spangled web was a kigo - At least it is where I live. Spiders weave them only in late-summer / early fall in order to beef up for winter. The use of Gerunds or non-use of them is a Western Haiku rule in my books. The Haiku police are alive and well here at FS. Alvin, was a great guy, but he is but one person and the so-called rules and the rule-makers for Haiku are myriad and continue to grow like weeds.
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I wouldn't worry except for the thought that the mysterious and secret committee quite possibly have Alvinites on board, so anyone who doesn't abide by his teachings is wasting their time even entering the thing. Worse for total newbies who only get to see the very relaxed rules stated in the contest terms and have no idea they're supposed to write a 'proper' haiku.
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Hi Steve: I did write an article on Haiku and posted it here on FS. It is for people who get blasted with the 'so called' rules of Haiku - often by people who have no idea what they're talking about. I call them the Haiku Police.
I'm no expert when it comes to Haiku but at least I did some research on it and shared what I learned. The article is a bit long, but if you're interested, it's at: http://www.fanstory.com/displaystory.jsp?id=797078
If the site-location addy doesn't come through - and you're still interested, send me a PM with your e-mail addy.
Rose.
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Thanks, Rose. I think I remember reading it, but I will certainly take another look. In the long run, the committee do their own thing and make some bewildering choices at times,
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Only when they don'T choose me. LOL. When they do, They're brilliant.
Comment from Dr. Nad
haiku (splintering sunlight) is a very nice Haiku Poetry Contest entry. You speak of two creations and two creators encapsulated in one. you speak of the God of heaven who created everything including the sunlight that glistens on the creation of the web that was created by a spider who was created by God. thanks for sharing. May God bless you!
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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haiku (splintering sunlight) is a very nice Haiku Poetry Contest entry. You speak of two creations and two creators encapsulated in one. you speak of the God of heaven who created everything including the sunlight that glistens on the creation of the web that was created by a spider who was created by God. thanks for sharing. May God bless you!
Comment Written 28-May-2016
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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Thank you. That is an interesting perspective.
Steve
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You are most welcome.
Embrace the love from above!
Comment from Sis Cat
This is a refreshing poem. Your gem-like imagery create a picture in my imagination through words. I hope you win a glittering prize for your toil to craft this poem. Thank you for sharing.
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reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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This is a refreshing poem. Your gem-like imagery create a picture in my imagination through words. I hope you win a glittering prize for your toil to craft this poem. Thank you for sharing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-May-2016
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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Thank you. Not much luck on the glittering pries department this year, so it's fingers crossed for this one.
Steve
Comment from Cumbrianlass
I love the description of splintering sunlight. I was in the states, recently. Along one stretch of road were several small shrubs, not yet in leaf. I guess they must have been like spider condos, because they were completely covered in small, delicate webs. In the morning sun, they looked utterly magical. Beautiful! I couldn't stop, or I would have done so to take a pic.
These little marvels of nature are certainly spectacular when lit by the sun.
Nice once, Steve. Hope you do well.
Av
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reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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I love the description of splintering sunlight. I was in the states, recently. Along one stretch of road were several small shrubs, not yet in leaf. I guess they must have been like spider condos, because they were completely covered in small, delicate webs. In the morning sun, they looked utterly magical. Beautiful! I couldn't stop, or I would have done so to take a pic.
These little marvels of nature are certainly spectacular when lit by the sun.
Nice once, Steve. Hope you do well.
Av
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 28-May-2016
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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Thanks, Av. I occasionally see that sort of scene around here, too. Got to get the timing just right, biut it's absolutely spectacular when you do.
Steve
