Comment from Ann Dudley Duncan

Excellent

I think the first two lines are fabulous and well thought out! On these lines alone, I give you five stars. However,
though I think I know what you mean in the last line, I didn't think it was very clear?

 Comment Written 31-May-2016

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reply by the author on 01-Jun-2016

Ann, thanks for taking the time to review.

Steve

reply by Ann Dudley Duncan on 01-Jun-2016

My pleasure!

reply by Ann Dudley Duncan on 01-Jun-2016

Your welcome!

Comment from seaglass

Excellent

I am fascinated by spider webs and this photo of one is splendid. Your haiku paints a word picture of that special moment when it's gloriously radiated by the sun

 Comment Written 30-May-2016

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reply by the author on 31-May-2016

Thanks for the kind words.

Steve

Comment from giraffmang

Excellent

Hi Steve,

I really liked this piece. I think this one is in with a strong chance in the competition. the imagery is striking in the first couple of lines and the denouement in line three is very clever. It's own reward. Nice

G

 Comment Written 30-May-2016

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reply by the author on 31-May-2016

Thanks, GMan.

My contest luck has been out for months, so let's see if this can change it.

Steve

Comment from artisart4u

Exceptional

Your haiku is very nice and a web is pretty to see in the sunlight.

Congratulations on your wins.

Good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 30-May-2016

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reply by the author on 31-May-2016

Thanks very much for the kind words and the six glittering stars.

Steve

Comment from Slythytove2

Excellent

Spiders not withstanding- I couldn't shake the ominous underthought that came into my head. Something to do with the purpose of the web and the amount of work it takes for such a nefarious trap. How ironic it is that it should be so beautifully embellished. Such are the rivers of thought brought by good work.

 Comment Written 30-May-2016

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reply by the author on 31-May-2016

Just doing what all predators do, I suppose - but in such a beautiful way!

Thanks for the thoughtful comments.

Steve

reply by Slythytove2 on 31-May-2016

isn't it!

Comment from TAB_that's me

Excellent

I love seeing spider webs with rain drops and the sun shining on them.

I like 'fresh-spangled webs'.

Great imagery and satori.

Good luck in the contest!

Teresa

 Comment Written 30-May-2016

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reply by the author on 31-May-2016

Thanks, Teresa.

Steve

Comment from Gone but not forgotten

Exceptional

Among the best haikus I've ever read. And that's saying something as it's my favorite poetic form. Many that I write inspire ire in haikuistas as well, so I just called them American Sentences! But this, ah, it's got every proper form (no matter what they say) and the words are music to the ears! Thank you.

 Comment Written 30-May-2016

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reply by the author on 31-May-2016

Thank you for the high praise and the six stars.

I don't know of you were around when we had our own genuine expert on Japanese short form poetry. He taught some of the FS classes, and methinks it is his former students who are blindly following some of his precepts... He didn't like my haikus back then, and now that he's passed away, it seems his spirit still comes back to haunt me.

Steve

Comment from scd41

Excellent

You have spider web for your haiku contest entry that may be scary for some but it shows your skill. The imagery is good. Best of luck for the contest.

 Comment Written 30-May-2016

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reply by the author on 31-May-2016

Thanks for the kind words.

Steve

Comment from mvbrooks

Excellent

You've managed to take a usually unwanted item and brought out the positive--especially like the line "toil's glittering prize." well done

 Comment Written 30-May-2016

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reply by the author on 31-May-2016

Thanks for the kind words.

Steve

Comment from AnnaLinda

Excellent

Steve,

Love your author notes...Yeah...and the sun represents all four.
Wow...incredible...on to your haiku.

In your first line I like your alliteration and the image of splintered sunlight as
the rays become fragmented through the web. (oh, which reminds me that
'ing' is not favored in haiku...Oh, there I go...maybe 'splintered' is something
to consider...I had no intention of making any suggestions on this...sorry.
Oh, but if used you would then still have "glittering" in your satori. Perhaps
you like those matching splintering and glittering. ;)

Now the second line...Very nice, and I'm going to stop with analyzing and say
this paints a vivid scene and your use of "toil's" is brilliant, as we know that spider
must work very diligently to create that complex abode and trap.

Super!

Linda

 Comment Written 30-May-2016

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reply by the author on 31-May-2016

Thanks, Linda.
I know next to nothing about the dos and don'ts of haikus. A couple of people have mentioned the -ing thing, but I can't come up with anything better at the moment. 'Splintered' sort of turns it into past tense.

Thanks again for the thoughtful response and generous rating.

Steve

reply by AnnaLinda on 31-May-2016

You are correct on that...;)