Comment from Walu Feral

Exceptional

G'day Sis. Fascinating work once again. I, for one, would never have seen that twist coming. Obviously, I knew he was up to no good, but you powered it on in this chapter. So now the gang are either dealing with a maniac or a reincarnated pharaoh! How cool is that.


"Her back was hunched, her mouth open, and every hair on her body stood up in righteous indignation." (Yep, sounds like Kwala.)

(Love the steps picture, top choice.)

""According to the film, Akhenaten was murdered by a rival, Ay, who ended up in power after he managed to do away with a series of other rulers. " (Sounds a bit like the last Australian Government.)

I love your work and would love a ticket for a ride inside your brain if they ever go on sale. lol.

Well done.

Baby Kwala says "Kumusta."

G'day To Wayne.

Cheers Fez

 Comment Written 29-May-2016

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reply by the author on 29-May-2016

Wayne says, "Howdy" to you.
Kumusta to the wet Kwala, and to Champers.
A ride inside my head...hmmm...don't know if you want to go there. You're so funny!
Next chapter you'll find out the true nature of our Ahmed dude, and his dastardly plans!!
I'm so glad you're back, my friend! We've missed you so much!

Cowgirl

Comment from CDyer

Excellent

I think I'm just as curious to find out more about Sage as I am Ahmed! Since they deal with paranormal, he could be a reincarnation or he could just be insane! Definitely a special group of kids to stay as calm as they have in these circumstances.

 Comment Written 29-May-2016

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reply by the author on 29-May-2016

Their stories go back and forth through time, so you'll see the pyramid adventure is just one of many. They're a tough lot, but, you're the only one who picked up on the cat. She isn't finished with this adventure, I assure you!
Thanks for reading and reviews,
Rhonda

Comment from seaglass

Excellent

This is very interesting...like going to see the wizard only more violent. So we will have to see if he has some legitimacy or if he is an ego maniac. Wonder what he feels is useful with the Dare Devils.

 Comment Written 29-May-2016

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reply by the author on 29-May-2016

You will actually get the answer to that in the very next chapter. There is a master plan...
Thanks for the review,
Rhonda

Comment from Mike Stevens

Excellent

Another fine chapter, Rhonda--ah, another 'ghost of a pharaoh returned to wreak ghostly havoc!' tale--these seldom end well!

 Comment Written 29-May-2016

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reply by the author on 29-May-2016

More like a Mummy returneth...dun..dun..dun...

Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin

Excellent

Hi, Rhonda

= Interesting that Ahmed fancies himself a bit indestructible it would seem.
= Oh, how the might fall though. It's getting good.
= Another well penned chapter, my friend.

 Comment Written 29-May-2016

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reply by the author on 29-May-2016

Thank you, Jax! I appreciate your support and review!
Rhonda

Comment from Jim Lorson Sr

Excellent

Rhonda, another good chapter. I guess Ahmed needed to get the kids attention by shooting at Sage! He missed on purpose and that made them do what he wanted, climb those steps.

After they watched the movie, Ahmed reappears dressed as a Pharaoh. So I am thinking, what is he, what is his role or is he a reincarnation of Akhenaten. Interesting and quite intriguing. I guess I will just have to wait to find out what Ahmed really is.

Very well written and keeping with your intensity of the Daredevil girls story along with the only male member Bruce.

Enjoy this holiday weekend my friend.

 Comment Written 29-May-2016

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reply by the author on 29-May-2016

Thank you, Jim. Yes, things are picking up, and next chapter, Ahmed will explain himself--not that it will help the DDG's much.
In the "outer story" I've added a few more boys. In the end, there will be three in the New Daredevils, but that's a story for another day. Poor guys!

You have a great weekend, too!
Rhonda

Comment from Brett Matthew West

Excellent

"Ahmed" fancies himself much more than he really is. His day will come before this well written story ends no doubt.

Plenty of tense action inside the pyramid.

 Comment Written 29-May-2016

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reply by the author on 29-May-2016

Thanks, Brett, but Ahmed will show to be more than he first appeared, as well.
Thank you for the review, and kind words,
Rhonda

Comment from konni

Excellent

This works well story-wise, kept my interest.
Suggestions:
Dialogue is easier to read if you give gestures and actions their own sentences.
eg. "Okay," Bruce said. "Chill out." He stopped in his tracks. " ..."
"a long, tense moment," "neither sound nor movement"
Akhenaten's beloved wife, Nefertiti ...?
Well-written.

 Comment Written 29-May-2016

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reply by the author on 29-May-2016

Thank you, Konni, and wonderful suggestions. I appreciate all the help I can get,
Rhonda

reply by konni on 29-May-2016

You're welcome, Rhonda. As to needing help, don't we all?

reply by the author on 29-May-2016

I know I do!

reply by konni on 29-May-2016

You're not alone :)

Comment from giraffmang

Excellent

Hi Rhonda,

Really good chapter here on the whole. Nice development with the revelation about Ahmed. I like where this is going, and the writing is smooth and familiar now.

'Okay, we'll copperate - cooperate.

'I'll keep her to insure - I think ensure in this instance.

Once at the top, we saw just one door. Ahmed took out a key and unlocked it. - I'm sure of the logistics of this. He's carrying Sally in one hand and has a gun trained on them with the other. He doesn't drop Sally until they fall through the door. The mechanics don't work.

This child, she sent in hiding - sent into hiding?

a strong, very familar, young man .' - familiar and delete space before the full stop.

as a Pharoah, he asked. - should be a comma rather than a full stop.

All the best
G

 Comment Written 29-May-2016

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reply by the author on 29-May-2016

Thanks so much. Funny about the logistics. You're right. I'll fix it at once. Too funny. I guess I thought he'd grown an extra arm.
I'll fix the other mistakes as well. I'll be honest, I changed it a lot after I had already loaded it, so some of those mishaps slipped me by, but I tend to overlook things anyway, no matter how many times I look it over.

I do appreciate the ongoing support,
Rhonda

Comment from F. Wehr3

Excellent

Good work on this part, Rhonda. So, Ahmed believes he is the incarnate of Akhenaten? Interesting villain with a god-complex to boot.

'For a long, tense, moment, there was' I don't believe you need the comma after 'tense' .

"The shadowy figure disappeared, and was replaced by a strong, very familar, young man .' I believe the comma is unnecessary after disappeared. Also, check spelling of familiar.

Take care,
Russell

 Comment Written 29-May-2016

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reply by the author on 29-May-2016

Thanks, Russell. I did too much revising once I had it in the "box" and away from my trusty "spell check". Too bad there isn't a comma check!