The Daredevil Girls From Bunker Hil
Viewing comments for Chapter 24 "The Third Basement Level"A fantasy novel about good fighting evil.
26 total reviews
Comment from CDyer
Whoa! What the heck?!!! I know Ahmed is just the hired gun, so this Holly guy must be beyond eccentric! Very mysterious and interesting - I can't wait to see what is really waiting for them.
reply by the author on 25-May-2016
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Whoa! What the heck?!!! I know Ahmed is just the hired gun, so this Holly guy must be beyond eccentric! Very mysterious and interesting - I can't wait to see what is really waiting for them.
Comment Written 25-May-2016
reply by the author on 25-May-2016
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That's funny, but, you're right, Mike Holly is the big baddie, and he he is very eccentric! However, Ahmed is a bit more than a hired gunman, himself!
Thanks so much, I really appreciate your help!
Rhonda
Comment from Jim Lorson Sr
Well Rhonda, my suspicions about Ahmed are coming to light. I didn't trust him when you first introduced him into the story. I am not sure what he is up to or what his intentions are. I must wait until the next chapter. I must say this about poor Sally. That child seems to be in the wrong spot at the wrong time and here we go again. Lol
Great dialogue, especially from Bruce. He has quite a bit of knowledge that seems to challenge Ahmed. I like his character. Well done once again Rhonda!
reply by the author on 25-May-2016
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Well Rhonda, my suspicions about Ahmed are coming to light. I didn't trust him when you first introduced him into the story. I am not sure what he is up to or what his intentions are. I must wait until the next chapter. I must say this about poor Sally. That child seems to be in the wrong spot at the wrong time and here we go again. Lol
Great dialogue, especially from Bruce. He has quite a bit of knowledge that seems to challenge Ahmed. I like his character. Well done once again Rhonda!
Comment Written 25-May-2016
reply by the author on 25-May-2016
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You were so right about Ahmed, and you will learn even more about him in the next few chapters. Thanks so much for keeping up with the story!
Rhonda
Comment from gene roush
This opens and closes with nice hooks. People often overlook the importance of grabbing and holding the reader. Nice job!
All the quotation marks seem unnecessary. They distracted me from the action.
This was fun. Thanks for sharing.
Gene
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reply by the author on 25-May-2016
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This opens and closes with nice hooks. People often overlook the importance of grabbing and holding the reader. Nice job!
All the quotation marks seem unnecessary. They distracted me from the action.
This was fun. Thanks for sharing.
Gene
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Comment Written 25-May-2016
reply by the author on 25-May-2016
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Thank you for your review, Gene. If you'll read the author's notes, I explain the quotation marks. They are completely as they should be. They are quotes within quotes because there is a speaker telling the story. I apologize for the distraction. They are for me, as well, but if I don't put them in, the professors out there will have something to say.
I do appreciate you taking your time to read.
Rhonda
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I got that. I just thought there might be a better way to tell the story. The story does have merit.
Thanks again for sharing it.
Gene
Gene
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I actually can't change it, but will research it further, Gene, probably this summer when I'm off teaching. I already published it and its sequel, and bought back my rights to this one. In those books, they didn't use quotation marks after the first few paragraphs. But people on this site gave me low marks and said how it's supposed to be done, so I changed it.
Go figure.
I do really appreciate your time and effort! I'll get it figured out in the end.
Comment from Mike Stevens
Well now, that Ahmed is a REAL jerk--I knew you couldn't trust him--NO ONE messes with my Daredevil Girls, oh, and Bruce!
reply by the author on 25-May-2016
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Well now, that Ahmed is a REAL jerk--I knew you couldn't trust him--NO ONE messes with my Daredevil Girls, oh, and Bruce!
Comment Written 25-May-2016
reply by the author on 25-May-2016
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Poor Bruce...And the whole thing was sort of his idea to begin with.
You're right, Ahmed was up to no good all along. Gotta be careful who you trust!
Thanks for the review,
Rhonda
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Bastard!
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Exactly!!
Comment from Douglas Paul
Ahhhhh - the ending is superb. You really created a high level of tension and anticipation heading into the next chapter. As always, your writing is clear and fluid and your story flows smoothly. Good job on this, Rhonda
reply by the author on 25-May-2016
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Ahhhhh - the ending is superb. You really created a high level of tension and anticipation heading into the next chapter. As always, your writing is clear and fluid and your story flows smoothly. Good job on this, Rhonda
Comment Written 25-May-2016
reply by the author on 25-May-2016
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Thank you so much! I completely appreciate the supportive comments, and the brilliant 6 stars! Things are heating up fast now!
Thanks again,
Rhonda
Comment from sage17611
Well Ahmed is not the friendly tour guide that he wanted everyone to believe. Your story continue to be interesting and intriguing, you really make the characters come to life in your narration. The story flows nice, and keeps the reader anticipating the next post, good job with this write. Thanks for sharing.
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reply by the author on 25-May-2016
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Well Ahmed is not the friendly tour guide that he wanted everyone to believe. Your story continue to be interesting and intriguing, you really make the characters come to life in your narration. The story flows nice, and keeps the reader anticipating the next post, good job with this write. Thanks for sharing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-May-2016
reply by the author on 25-May-2016
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Thanks so much, Sage. Your support is important to the story, and to my confidence about writing it.
Rhonda
