The Daredevil Girls From Bunker Hil
Viewing comments for Chapter 24 "The Third Basement Level"A fantasy novel about good fighting evil.
26 total reviews
Comment from gamay
Hello Baby,
This is a really well written chapters. I liked the action and the characters. The scenery is very well done.
have a nice day,
gamay
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2016
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Hello Baby,
This is a really well written chapters. I liked the action and the characters. The scenery is very well done.
have a nice day,
gamay
Comment Written 25-Jul-2016
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2016
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Thank you, Baby Sister, for the wonderful review of this chapter. I'm glad you enjoyed the story. I am very glad to see you on this site again! Tell your sweet family hello from Texas.
You have a nice day, too,
Baby Rhonda
Comment from JTStone
Rhonda:
Now you've gone and done it...Hey Bruce, where was that escape hatch and those c-rations from a couple stories ago?
I like this. Youngsters, but no vampires or zombies--at least not yet. I like the paranormal twist. The ghost hunter angle, but with a gun.
Your writing is smooth, your plot line is clear and the story is easy to follow. I like the fact that while reading several in a row, you haven't swayed from the direction laid out. You did a great job with this. I understand you had it in book format. So I guess I shouldn't be surprised. It's just so much of what I read here is patchwork shorts--yours is a very streamline, efficient novel style that is fun to read.
Jimmy
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
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Rhonda:
Now you've gone and done it...Hey Bruce, where was that escape hatch and those c-rations from a couple stories ago?
I like this. Youngsters, but no vampires or zombies--at least not yet. I like the paranormal twist. The ghost hunter angle, but with a gun.
Your writing is smooth, your plot line is clear and the story is easy to follow. I like the fact that while reading several in a row, you haven't swayed from the direction laid out. You did a great job with this. I understand you had it in book format. So I guess I shouldn't be surprised. It's just so much of what I read here is patchwork shorts--yours is a very streamline, efficient novel style that is fun to read.
Jimmy
Comment Written 30-May-2016
reply by the author on 30-May-2016
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Thank you, Jimmy, and, yes, it was in book form before this, but you have no idea how much I've changed it. Still and all, the path is going the same direction.
I agree on many of the books being sort of patchwork, and hard to find common threads. I guess it's one of the fall backs of this site. People write according to it, rather than having an overall theme. Some of them are short story writers in the beginning as well, so are still into that mode. I started with novels, and then make a stab at poetry now and then. Unfortunately, the poetry purists rip me apart. And so I go back to novels! (Not that I don't get ripped apart here, too). Anyway, thanks for the review!
Rhonda
Comment from Mary Wakeford
Excellent read with an interesting build up to what seems to spell out trouble for the daredevils. Who doesn't find the early Egyptian buriel customs fascinating.
A musty smell of old linens and death...very powerful and engaged the senses of the reader immediately. Well done, Rhonda!
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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Excellent read with an interesting build up to what seems to spell out trouble for the daredevils. Who doesn't find the early Egyptian buriel customs fascinating.
A musty smell of old linens and death...very powerful and engaged the senses of the reader immediately. Well done, Rhonda!
Comment Written 29-May-2016
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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Thank you, Mary. I love history, and love to add a little research in where I can.
Thanks again,
Rhonda
Comment from c_lucas
It looks as if the group is in for more than just a tour. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read. There is good imagery.
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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It looks as if the group is in for more than just a tour. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read. There is good imagery.
Comment Written 29-May-2016
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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Thank you so much! I appreciate the review and comments. They are in for quite a film production...
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Seems "Ahmed" is going to force the others to watch this dreaded movie upstairs whether they want to or not.
Using a gun to force them to shows the depths he will sink to in this well written story and provides a level of drama that draws the reader into wondering what the movie contains?
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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Seems "Ahmed" is going to force the others to watch this dreaded movie upstairs whether they want to or not.
Using a gun to force them to shows the depths he will sink to in this well written story and provides a level of drama that draws the reader into wondering what the movie contains?
Comment Written 29-May-2016
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
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Thank you, Brett! Ahmed has many moves ahead, and none of them bode well for our troupe of daredevils. Thanks for the review,
Rhonda
Comment from MelB
Hi Rhonda, I'm finally caught up in the story again. The tension is really rising now with Ahmed pulling out a gun. I'm curious what is on the next floor.
reply by the author on 28-May-2016
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Hi Rhonda, I'm finally caught up in the story again. The tension is really rising now with Ahmed pulling out a gun. I'm curious what is on the next floor.
Comment Written 28-May-2016
reply by the author on 28-May-2016
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Thanks so much. I'll try to post the next chapter tomorrow, but I'm a bit behind because we were at a function today. Thanks for keeping/catching up!
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You're welcome. I'm almost caught back up on reviewing. Now, I need to catch up on writing.
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I know that feeling!
Comment from RPSaxena
Hello Rhonda,
Nice piece of Fantasy Science Fiction beautifully depicting its theme!
Wording is impressive and perfectly matching the theme.
Smooth and captivating flow throughout from the beginning to the end with lively imagery.
The description of Mummies, their surroundings and the Guide Ahmed's role is laudable.
The last two and half lines are really noteworthy.
Interesting as well as Educative!
reply by the author on 28-May-2016
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Hello Rhonda,
Nice piece of Fantasy Science Fiction beautifully depicting its theme!
Wording is impressive and perfectly matching the theme.
Smooth and captivating flow throughout from the beginning to the end with lively imagery.
The description of Mummies, their surroundings and the Guide Ahmed's role is laudable.
The last two and half lines are really noteworthy.
Interesting as well as Educative!
Comment Written 28-May-2016
reply by the author on 28-May-2016
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Wow, thank you so much for the wonderful six star rating!!!
I, also, appreciate the detailed review. It is supportive and helpful. Thanks again and again,
Rhonda
Comment from seaglass
Oh dear what have they gotten everything seemed so professional and it's suddenly turned toxic. Great cliff hanger here.
reply by the author on 28-May-2016
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Oh dear what have they gotten everything seemed so professional and it's suddenly turned toxic. Great cliff hanger here.
Comment Written 28-May-2016
reply by the author on 28-May-2016
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Thanks for the review. Ahmed has quite a scheme up his sleeve, and it isn't anything in the favor of our DDG's.
Thanks again,
Rhonda
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Well, we certainly learn one thing about Ahmed;
he is not a nice guy.
-The tension seems to build throughout the chapter
between him and the group; there obviously is an
agenda; could it, perhaps, be for foul purposes?!
-In the beginning, the group is 'introduced' to a few
mummies, but they had to move on, quickly, it seems:
"we were winded and disheartened."
-Knowing that the stairs were miles long, even Bruce was exasperated:
"This was supposed to be a fun adventure, not an endurance test."
-Ahmed seems to be getting more and more agitated.
-He even lectures the group about healthy eating, etc.
-It gets so mysterious and suspicious sounding that they decide to leave.
-That is when Ahmed gets nasty and forceful.
reply by the author on 28-May-2016
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-Well, we certainly learn one thing about Ahmed;
he is not a nice guy.
-The tension seems to build throughout the chapter
between him and the group; there obviously is an
agenda; could it, perhaps, be for foul purposes?!
-In the beginning, the group is 'introduced' to a few
mummies, but they had to move on, quickly, it seems:
"we were winded and disheartened."
-Knowing that the stairs were miles long, even Bruce was exasperated:
"This was supposed to be a fun adventure, not an endurance test."
-Ahmed seems to be getting more and more agitated.
-He even lectures the group about healthy eating, etc.
-It gets so mysterious and suspicious sounding that they decide to leave.
-That is when Ahmed gets nasty and forceful.
Comment Written 28-May-2016
reply by the author on 28-May-2016
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Ahmed has many reasons for wanting the group to stay healthy, and all of that will be explained chapter after next, but the relationship will continue to deteriorate on the climb up.
Thanks for the brilliant 6 star review. That means a lot coming from you, my friend,
Rhonda
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You are very welcome and deserving of the stars:) You portrayed Ahmed as quite a character. Maybe he wants to use the group for his own purposes/help, but he has a funny way of showing it, as he exhausts them and holds a gun! I appreciate your kind comment. It means a lot to me.
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I assure you, what he has in mind, the kids won't go along with willingly!
Thanks so much for everything,
Rhonda
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I am sure they won't; that is why they are the Daredevils! You are very welcome.
Comment from rspoet
Ha! I knew Ahmed was not to be trusted (lol)
and with baggy pants, too
Isn't it wonderful to be "chosen" for such an important unknown task
It looks like the top floor will have answers
but I suspect those answers may not be well received
Of course, this is a daredevil girls story
and they do fight against supernatural forces
so mums the word; or rather, mummies is the word
Anther excellent chapter
reply by the author on 28-May-2016
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Ha! I knew Ahmed was not to be trusted (lol)
and with baggy pants, too
Isn't it wonderful to be "chosen" for such an important unknown task
It looks like the top floor will have answers
but I suspect those answers may not be well received
Of course, this is a daredevil girls story
and they do fight against supernatural forces
so mums the word; or rather, mummies is the word
Anther excellent chapter
Comment Written 28-May-2016
reply by the author on 28-May-2016
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I love that, "mummies the word"...too funny!
Yes, you were right, Ahmed was up to no good from the get go, and his plans are far from being in the best interest of the DDG's.
Chapter after next will tell you what they've been chosen for.
Thanks, as always, for your dedicated support,
Rhonda
