The Waitress
Learning about people39 total reviews
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Excellent piece and very well written. Whether it's true or not is irrelevant, since you told it so well that it sounds true... a mark of good writing. :)
reply by the author on 16-May-2016
  |
Excellent piece and very well written. Whether it's true or not is irrelevant, since you told it so well that it sounds true... a mark of good writing. :)
Comment Written 16-May-2016
reply by the author on 16-May-2016
-
It is a true story. I learned so much from waiting tables in my life. Thank you so much
Comment from GeraldS
This story is categorized as "general fiction." Whether it is fact or fiction or something in between, it is well-written and effectively presented. The story is concise and to the point. Excellent job with this prompt.
reply by the author on 16-May-2016
|
This story is categorized as "general fiction." Whether it is fact or fiction or something in between, it is well-written and effectively presented. The story is concise and to the point. Excellent job with this prompt.
Comment Written 16-May-2016
reply by the author on 16-May-2016
-
I will go back and change that right now. I forgot to look at that, Thank you so much .
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
Yep, anything different is wrong, or so some would have us believe. people are people. The whole idea of a blanket of abuse over one section or the other is absurd.
This is a well written piece with a level head.
Good stuff.
One little thing - Gerilynn's" plane was leaving at 12:30p.m that night - if the plane was leaving at night, it should be 12:30 am.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 16-May-2016
|
Hi there,
Yep, anything different is wrong, or so some would have us believe. people are people. The whole idea of a blanket of abuse over one section or the other is absurd.
This is a well written piece with a level head.
Good stuff.
One little thing - Gerilynn's" plane was leaving at 12:30p.m that night - if the plane was leaving at night, it should be 12:30 am.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 16-May-2016
reply by the author on 16-May-2016
-
So true, You got me again. One of these days, maybe in about three years. You will read a piece of mine and nothing technically will be wrong. Dream on Judy. I love your reviews so much. Thank you for catching all the little and big things.
Comment from WalkerMan
Whatever others may think, this story is heartwarming to me -- a male who has never doubted that aspect of my own being, while accepting everyone else for who they are (or seriously consider themselves to be). God does not create "freaks" or other abominations. All his children, regardless of appearance, comfort with their original selves, or choice of love partner are here for a reason, as part of God's plan, whether or not we understand it. Nobody is justified in threatening another with Hell over his or her views that harm no one, as we all are sinners to some extent or other. That's why I have faith but do not practice religion, for faith heals while religion divides. "The Waitress" is well written and thought provoking on an important aspect of acceptance. Too bad our corrupt government leaders have seized upon this topic as yet another way to destroy the unity of our culture by making this into a divisive issue.
reply by the author on 16-May-2016
 |
Whatever others may think, this story is heartwarming to me -- a male who has never doubted that aspect of my own being, while accepting everyone else for who they are (or seriously consider themselves to be). God does not create "freaks" or other abominations. All his children, regardless of appearance, comfort with their original selves, or choice of love partner are here for a reason, as part of God's plan, whether or not we understand it. Nobody is justified in threatening another with Hell over his or her views that harm no one, as we all are sinners to some extent or other. That's why I have faith but do not practice religion, for faith heals while religion divides. "The Waitress" is well written and thought provoking on an important aspect of acceptance. Too bad our corrupt government leaders have seized upon this topic as yet another way to destroy the unity of our culture by making this into a divisive issue.
Comment Written 16-May-2016
reply by the author on 16-May-2016
-
Your answer is so well written and wonderful. You state my thoughts and your own with dignity and pride. I feel blessed to have you comment with such passion on something I am also passionate about. Thank You.
Judy
-
You are welcome. -- Mike
Here are some gender neutral (or gender irrelevant) pronouns I came up with, as I happen to be expert in the structure of the English language (and earned my doctorate because of that):
Nominative Singular -- e (rhymes with "bee") for "he or she"
Nominative Plural -- they (unchanged)
Objective Singular -- em (rhymes with "them") for "him or her"
Objective Plural -- them (unchanged)
Possessive Singular -- es (rhymes with "says") for "his or her"
Possessive Plural -- their (unchanged)
Reflexive Singular -- emself for "himself or herself"
Reflexive Plural -- themselves (unchanged)
One of my three daughters is in the process of becoming my son. I love em as much as I ever did.
-
So glad that your son has you as a father. That acceptance will help him so much in life.
-
Thank you. It has been a long time coming. E just turned 48 and has done reasonably well over the years. Es sisters are totally accepting of em too. Their mother is gone fifteen years this month; and she was accepting also, as have been the whole larger family on es mother's side -- cousins, aunt (my wife's sister), and grandparents (now gone). Relatives on my side would not have been so accepting, so we never told them. My parents' generation is totally gone now. Only my dear sister knows, and she is accepting. E has been happily married for many years to a very pleasant woman who is also accepted by all those I just mentioned. This will begin a new phase in that relationship; but really not much will change unless she decides not to like the beard e is growing. LOL
Comment from Amy Greta
Excellent story and wonderful example of how we are all different, and born that way. I absolutely love how you delivered your message via your waitressing experience. I could so easily picture the two very diverse groups. Even though I don't care for how the religious folks view those who go against their beliefs, I am learning to respect people who are not respectful because....that's how they are.
THSNK YOU for pointing out the difference between privacy violators and people who are transgender...there is no correlation. And SO TRUE...why would any practical adult send their young child into a public restroom unsupervised??? Your accepting and inclusive ways are shown with kindness, and your piece doesn't seem like you are forcing anything on anyone. A wonderful life lesson!
Amy
reply by the author on 16-May-2016
|
Excellent story and wonderful example of how we are all different, and born that way. I absolutely love how you delivered your message via your waitressing experience. I could so easily picture the two very diverse groups. Even though I don't care for how the religious folks view those who go against their beliefs, I am learning to respect people who are not respectful because....that's how they are.
THSNK YOU for pointing out the difference between privacy violators and people who are transgender...there is no correlation. And SO TRUE...why would any practical adult send their young child into a public restroom unsupervised??? Your accepting and inclusive ways are shown with kindness, and your piece doesn't seem like you are forcing anything on anyone. A wonderful life lesson!
Amy
Comment Written 16-May-2016
reply by the author on 16-May-2016
-
Thank you so much. I remember that day well. You can learn so much as a waitress. Truly appreciate the six stars and the message you sent to me.
Comment from Spiritual Echo
Personal stories, as yours does, tells a real-life experience. You have demonstrated through your personal snapshot how cruel and invasive some zealous folks can be, hiding behind religion to do dirty deeds.
The writing was very good, nut somewhere in the essay you say because of your involvement with music. It may be valid, but as there is no reference to this earlier, I'd remove the sentence. It doesn't change the story and gave me a stumble. It doesn't matter why you were not uncomfortable.
Good story.
reply by the author on 16-May-2016
|
Personal stories, as yours does, tells a real-life experience. You have demonstrated through your personal snapshot how cruel and invasive some zealous folks can be, hiding behind religion to do dirty deeds.
The writing was very good, nut somewhere in the essay you say because of your involvement with music. It may be valid, but as there is no reference to this earlier, I'd remove the sentence. It doesn't change the story and gave me a stumble. It doesn't matter why you were not uncomfortable.
Good story.
Comment Written 16-May-2016
reply by the author on 16-May-2016
-
What a great suggestion, ON my way to edit right now.
Comment from Word Junkie
Hello Author,
This is a great story, and illustrates the diversity of these two groups with simple, yet witty prose. You don't choose sides. Instead, you tell the story, and let the reader decide THAT THE BIBLE THUMPERS WERE A SELF-RIGHTEOUS, PENNY-PINCHING PAIN IN THE ARSE.
Harumph--sorry--I went off on a tangent there, for a moment.
It was usually a group [of] between 8 and 12 people.
bisexual, one word
outcast (outcasts,) one word, or cast out, depending upon what you wanted
about six-foot-three. He wore a full-length mink coat
The church table began to mumble [under their breath.] [consider omitting]
one of the middle-aged women dressed in her flower-print, calf-length dress stood up
My mink-laden customer stood up slowly, all six-foot-three of him.
beautiful floor-length coat
An independent clause is a clause that can stand alone. In sentences, two independent clauses should be separated by punctuation. Here are two examples of what I refer to:
These pamphlets changed about every two months but the message was always the same.
These pamphlets changed about every two months.
The message was always the same.
Thus...
These pamphlets changed about every two months, but the message was always the same.
I shrugged it off and hoped that someday they would realize a quarter left by each plate was not going to help feed my children.
I shrugged it off.
(I) hoped that someday... ('I' is the inferred subject.)
Thus...
I shrugged it off, and hoped that someday they would realize that a quarter left by each plate would not help feed my children.
A resource:
Commas:
Commas: Quick Rules at OWL, Purdue University's Online
Writing Lab.
I enjoyed this story. I encourage you to edit it a bit more. I believe you have a good chance of winning the contest.
Remember, this is one opinion. You are the last and best judge of what you have written.
Best wishes,
Lana
reply by the author on 16-May-2016
|
Hello Author,
This is a great story, and illustrates the diversity of these two groups with simple, yet witty prose. You don't choose sides. Instead, you tell the story, and let the reader decide THAT THE BIBLE THUMPERS WERE A SELF-RIGHTEOUS, PENNY-PINCHING PAIN IN THE ARSE.
Harumph--sorry--I went off on a tangent there, for a moment.
It was usually a group [of] between 8 and 12 people.
bisexual, one word
outcast (outcasts,) one word, or cast out, depending upon what you wanted
about six-foot-three. He wore a full-length mink coat
The church table began to mumble [under their breath.] [consider omitting]
one of the middle-aged women dressed in her flower-print, calf-length dress stood up
My mink-laden customer stood up slowly, all six-foot-three of him.
beautiful floor-length coat
An independent clause is a clause that can stand alone. In sentences, two independent clauses should be separated by punctuation. Here are two examples of what I refer to:
These pamphlets changed about every two months but the message was always the same.
These pamphlets changed about every two months.
The message was always the same.
Thus...
These pamphlets changed about every two months, but the message was always the same.
I shrugged it off and hoped that someday they would realize a quarter left by each plate was not going to help feed my children.
I shrugged it off.
(I) hoped that someday... ('I' is the inferred subject.)
Thus...
I shrugged it off, and hoped that someday they would realize that a quarter left by each plate would not help feed my children.
A resource:
Commas:
Commas: Quick Rules at OWL, Purdue University's Online
Writing Lab.
I enjoyed this story. I encourage you to edit it a bit more. I believe you have a good chance of winning the contest.
Remember, this is one opinion. You are the last and best judge of what you have written.
Best wishes,
Lana
Comment Written 16-May-2016
reply by the author on 16-May-2016
-
Word junkie you are beyond belief one of the best editors in the world. I am trying to change it now but have to go back and forth instead of printing it and using to edit, ( I am out of ink) I will recheck it tomorrow. You are such a help to m,e.
Comment from franichm
Overall the story is interesting and well describes the feelings and situations on both sides of the issue. I did feel the first 5-6 paragraphs were a bit choppy because the sentences seemed short. The beginning could have been better described, I thought. Because of that, I couldn't give it a 5 star rating. Franichm
reply by the author on 16-May-2016
 |
Overall the story is interesting and well describes the feelings and situations on both sides of the issue. I did feel the first 5-6 paragraphs were a bit choppy because the sentences seemed short. The beginning could have been better described, I thought. Because of that, I couldn't give it a 5 star rating. Franichm
Comment Written 16-May-2016
reply by the author on 16-May-2016
-
thank you for your honesty. I completely understand what you are saying. .
Comment from CivilChick
I loved this story about how you came to your opinion in your restaurant. I don't think the first several paragraphs are necessary to the prompt. You could cut them out to shorten it and stay on point.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 15-May-2016
|
I loved this story about how you came to your opinion in your restaurant. I don't think the first several paragraphs are necessary to the prompt. You could cut them out to shorten it and stay on point.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-May-2016
reply by the author on 15-May-2016
-
I questioned that too, and so appreciate you saying that. The only reason they are there is because I was in a major transition of my own at the time. I will definitely consider what you are saying.
I went back and fixed it, If you have a chance tell me if it works better. I think your critique was Right ON.
-
I am someone who overwrites. (I just cut down a story by half that I posted a couple days ago after a reviewer told me I was rambling). I think the beginning paragraphs are actually a good start to a different story and a different struggle. They add nothing to the point of the topic of this contest. I did find it interesting, just not relevant here.
