The Daredevil Girls From Bunker Hil
Viewing comments for Chapter 22 "Little Egypt"A fantasy novel about good fighting evil.
17 total reviews
Comment from JTStone
Hey Rhonda
I was wondering, if there were no other kids when Nancy's dad dropped them off...
As a parent, I would have at least been a little curious.
I guess that's part of the whole story though, the danger aspect.
I am assuming that the trap door Bruce just found is going to be used on their get away????
Again nice job with the characters telling and driving the story.
Jimmy
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
  |
Hey Rhonda
I was wondering, if there were no other kids when Nancy's dad dropped them off...
As a parent, I would have at least been a little curious.
I guess that's part of the whole story though, the danger aspect.
I am assuming that the trap door Bruce just found is going to be used on their get away????
Again nice job with the characters telling and driving the story.
Jimmy
Comment Written 29-May-2016
reply by the author on 29-May-2016
-
Wow, JT, you're the only person that picked up on the subtle idea of the door. It will be used, but I can't say what for, yet...
Yeah, Dad should have paid more attention to that fact, or stuck around until he saw an adult. I'll try to fix that later, thanks.
Rhonda
Comment from Pam (respa)
-This definitely is full of mystery.
-I could feel an underlying current at the beginning
when no other groups seemed to be at the park.
-There are also a few changes in Ahmed's demeanor,
making him a bit of a mystery.
-The discovery of the box under some grass adds to things.
-With all of this, something is bound to happen in the Pyramids.
-Ahmed's comment seems to support something that he might be
forced into doing: " He was a bit quieter now, as though he had a lot on his mind."
-Maybe there is a 'set up' of some kind.
-In addition, Sally let her cat on the ground; that lends itself to the cat
disappearing, Sally goes after it where she isn't supposed to be, the others worry,
and try to go after her, but are stopped by Ahmed.
-I will go way out on a limb and say it almost sounds like Mildred is involved somehow.
-There is nothing like a good mystery, and you are writing one!
reply by the author on 19-May-2016
|
-This definitely is full of mystery.
-I could feel an underlying current at the beginning
when no other groups seemed to be at the park.
-There are also a few changes in Ahmed's demeanor,
making him a bit of a mystery.
-The discovery of the box under some grass adds to things.
-With all of this, something is bound to happen in the Pyramids.
-Ahmed's comment seems to support something that he might be
forced into doing: " He was a bit quieter now, as though he had a lot on his mind."
-Maybe there is a 'set up' of some kind.
-In addition, Sally let her cat on the ground; that lends itself to the cat
disappearing, Sally goes after it where she isn't supposed to be, the others worry,
and try to go after her, but are stopped by Ahmed.
-I will go way out on a limb and say it almost sounds like Mildred is involved somehow.
-There is nothing like a good mystery, and you are writing one!
Comment Written 18-May-2016
reply by the author on 19-May-2016
-
Thank you for your review. Most welcome, of course!
Mildred's not behind it this time...Ahmed is another story...
However, the game's about to be afoot.
So far, the cat is fine...later on her as well. She's a very well behaved kitty--a regular Daredevil Girl, but she might find a use later.
Thank you, again,
Rhonda
-
You are very welcome. Well, things sound good, and my imagination took some wrong turns:) I enjoyed the chapter. Glad the kitty is okay, too!
-
Oh, that's the idea--for you to look one way, so I can strike another. Many deceptions are intentional. However, you have a canny knack for discovering many of them, whether I admit to them or not.
Thanks again.
-
I am sure the deceptions are intentional, and you did a good job of it! Aha, glad I have the knack, and I'm glad you don't admit to them.
Comment from rspoet
Now we are are back to the Daredevil girls (and guy)
This reads very smoothly
even Bruce has blended into the group
But Ahmed, I wouldn't trust Ahmed
I trust Elizabeth and her senses
In old Egypt, cats were Gods
so Sage may be very aptly named
Excellent beginning to the new adventure
Typo: "'Yes, but they won't open until nine. We have installed cool water fountains around the park and inside the pyramid for your [refreshement]. refreshment
Looking forward to the "tour"
reply by the author on 19-May-2016
|
Now we are are back to the Daredevil girls (and guy)
This reads very smoothly
even Bruce has blended into the group
But Ahmed, I wouldn't trust Ahmed
I trust Elizabeth and her senses
In old Egypt, cats were Gods
so Sage may be very aptly named
Excellent beginning to the new adventure
Typo: "'Yes, but they won't open until nine. We have installed cool water fountains around the park and inside the pyramid for your [refreshement]. refreshment
Looking forward to the "tour"
Comment Written 18-May-2016
reply by the author on 19-May-2016
-
Thank you for the wonderful review, also for finding the refreshment flaw. I'll correct it at once.
The tour is about to begin, but, I'm afraid, Ahmed won't prove any less shady.
Thanks again, my friend,
Rhonda
Comment from F. Wehr3
I missed the first part of this story, sorry. I think this is going to be another good story. Ahmed seems a little shady, or maybe, I am reading too much into him.
I didn't find any spag.
Take care,
Russell
reply by the author on 19-May-2016
|
I missed the first part of this story, sorry. I think this is going to be another good story. Ahmed seems a little shady, or maybe, I am reading too much into him.
I didn't find any spag.
Take care,
Russell
Comment Written 18-May-2016
reply by the author on 19-May-2016
-
Oh, no, Russell, you're not reading too much into his character. He's a bit of a mystery.
Sorry you missed the first part, but it was all just background. The next chapter starts getting into the actual adventure.
Thanks so much for the review,
Rhonda
Comment from Jim Lorson Sr
Rhonda, I like this chapter about this place Little Egypt. The cast of characters are all very inquisitive and quite questioning. Ahmed seems to be somewhat on the shady side. You left us with a mystery about what is about to happen to the Daredevil girls and Bruce.
Well done with the excellent dialogue and their looking around to figure out what they got themselves into.
reply by the author on 18-May-2016
|
Rhonda, I like this chapter about this place Little Egypt. The cast of characters are all very inquisitive and quite questioning. Ahmed seems to be somewhat on the shady side. You left us with a mystery about what is about to happen to the Daredevil girls and Bruce.
Well done with the excellent dialogue and their looking around to figure out what they got themselves into.
Comment Written 18-May-2016
reply by the author on 18-May-2016
-
Thank you, Jim. Yes, Ahmed is a bit more than he seems. Good eyes! I appreciate you taking time to review,
Rhonda
Comment from Ulla
Hi Rhonda, this is an excellent chapter and I wonder what can possibly be awaiting them now. I find it odd that the place should be so deserted. Can't wait for what's next. All the best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 18-May-2016
|
Hi Rhonda, this is an excellent chapter and I wonder what can possibly be awaiting them now. I find it odd that the place should be so deserted. Can't wait for what's next. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 18-May-2016
reply by the author on 18-May-2016
-
Thank you, Ulla. The next chapter will reveal a bit more. I appreciate the review and comments,
Rhonda
Comment from seaglass
I wonder what they are getting into. I hope they arnt about to be abducted. Good descriptions. I could easily envision Akmed
reply by the author on 17-May-2016
|
I wonder what they are getting into. I hope they arnt about to be abducted. Good descriptions. I could easily envision Akmed
Comment Written 16-May-2016
reply by the author on 17-May-2016
-
Thanks for the wonderful review! Things are about to get heated up for them quickly...can't promise anything on the abduction!
Rhonda
Comment from MelB
Another great chapter! The Daredevil Girls have their official male compatriot now and I like that he added his own colors to the mix. They are off to the next big adventure and I can feel the tension building.
reply by the author on 17-May-2016
|
Another great chapter! The Daredevil Girls have their official male compatriot now and I like that he added his own colors to the mix. They are off to the next big adventure and I can feel the tension building.
Comment Written 16-May-2016
reply by the author on 17-May-2016
-
Thank you so much for the wonderful reveiw. Yes, Bruce has made his debut, and gets to add his own flavor to the mix!
-
You're welcome.
Comment from boxergirl
Hi Rhonda,
Great job setting up the eerie tone of your story...lots of foreshadowing and building up towards the moment they will realize something is not right with this park. Good stuff! :-)
reply by the author on 16-May-2016
|
Hi Rhonda,
Great job setting up the eerie tone of your story...lots of foreshadowing and building up towards the moment they will realize something is not right with this park. Good stuff! :-)
Comment Written 16-May-2016
reply by the author on 16-May-2016
-
Thank you, and, you're right, something is greatly amiss! Appreciate your ongoing support,
Rhonda
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
Oh, Ahmed seems to be dressed like a genie. What an interesting character, and I wonder what he's going to get up to. I feel we are on the brink of an adventure, can't wait to read the next one, Giddy
reply by the author on 16-May-2016
|
Oh, Ahmed seems to be dressed like a genie. What an interesting character, and I wonder what he's going to get up to. I feel we are on the brink of an adventure, can't wait to read the next one, Giddy
Comment Written 16-May-2016
reply by the author on 16-May-2016
-
Thank you, Giddy, and it's forthcoming, thanks for the support!
Rhonda
