The Daredevil Girls From Bunker Hil
Viewing comments for Chapter 21 "The Invitation"A fantasy novel about good fighting evil.
23 total reviews
Comment from Alex Biasin
I thought this was quite good, the writing was well done and the story had enough interest to keep me reading.
The only thing that I didn't like, was the way you had lot's of interruptions to the speaker, I would guess this was done to inject humour, but to me it took away from the flow of the narrative.
Apart from that I thought it was very well done.
reply by the author on 11-May-2016
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I thought this was quite good, the writing was well done and the story had enough interest to keep me reading.
The only thing that I didn't like, was the way you had lot's of interruptions to the speaker, I would guess this was done to inject humour, but to me it took away from the flow of the narrative.
Apart from that I thought it was very well done.
Comment Written 11-May-2016
reply by the author on 11-May-2016
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It wasn't there in the original, and isn't in the earlier chapters, but I was trying, like you said, to sort of add some humor, and to tell parts of the story in conversation since the original was all prose. Oh, well, it was worth a try,
Thanks,
Rhonda
Comment from Green Lake Girl
Geez, what could possibly go wrong in a theme park? Especially when Bruce is there to protect all the girls. LOL
Can't imagine a cat being content to spend eight hours in a purse! That scenario alone would make a fine story.
And, yes--there are two clocks in life! Tick-tock. Ready for the next chapter, Rhonda!
Well done.
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reply by the author on 11-May-2016
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Geez, what could possibly go wrong in a theme park? Especially when Bruce is there to protect all the girls. LOL
Can't imagine a cat being content to spend eight hours in a purse! That scenario alone would make a fine story.
And, yes--there are two clocks in life! Tick-tock. Ready for the next chapter, Rhonda!
Well done.
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Comment Written 11-May-2016
reply by the author on 11-May-2016
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Thanks, no the cat wasn't supposed to stay in the bag, just until they get there. She'll run free once there.
Yeah, poor Bruce, he's got his hands full in this next story, though he'll find the girls better at taking care of themselves than he might think.
What can go wrong??? Just wait. Operative word here, mummies!
Comment from Douglas Paul
I think you set the stage nicely for the second story. It is a creative setting - I like the pyramid concept - they are magical anyway. Your writing is clear and fluid as always. Looking forward to this tale, my friend
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reply by the author on 11-May-2016
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I think you set the stage nicely for the second story. It is a creative setting - I like the pyramid concept - they are magical anyway. Your writing is clear and fluid as always. Looking forward to this tale, my friend
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Comment Written 11-May-2016
reply by the author on 11-May-2016
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Thank you, Douglas. You are too kind! It's a fun write, and I love Egyptian mythology.
Rhonda
