Heathered Moors
Thrice betrayed52 total reviews
Comment from PoemsOfDD
Senyai, this is a beautiful entry for the Triolet Poetry contest. You have chosen a beautiful picture to attached to your well written poem that speaks of a love that does not return. A love that seems to be long gone, leaving behind a broken and disappointed heart that is shattered. Excellent read and best of luck in the competition. ~DD
reply by the author on 10-May-2016
  |
Senyai, this is a beautiful entry for the Triolet Poetry contest. You have chosen a beautiful picture to attached to your well written poem that speaks of a love that does not return. A love that seems to be long gone, leaving behind a broken and disappointed heart that is shattered. Excellent read and best of luck in the competition. ~DD
Comment Written 10-May-2016
reply by the author on 10-May-2016
-
Hi, DD. Thank you for all the encouraging words and well wishes:)
Senyai
Comment from kiwisteveh
A truly romantic poem with the link to the moors and the Brontes accentuating this. He's betrayed you twice more? meaning at least three times in total? It's definitely time to ditch the cad, no matter how compelling those kisses.
Small typo betowed --> bestowed
Your meter is not consistent, which I consider a negative in this form. I wonder if you would consider ''who's" instead of "who has" for your repeating line, which would mean those three match the iambic tetrameter of some of the others. That would just leave lines 5&6 out of the pattern.
Steve
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 10-May-2016
|
A truly romantic poem with the link to the moors and the Brontes accentuating this. He's betrayed you twice more? meaning at least three times in total? It's definitely time to ditch the cad, no matter how compelling those kisses.
Small typo betowed --> bestowed
Your meter is not consistent, which I consider a negative in this form. I wonder if you would consider ''who's" instead of "who has" for your repeating line, which would mean those three match the iambic tetrameter of some of the others. That would just leave lines 5&6 out of the pattern.
Steve
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 10-May-2016
reply by the author on 10-May-2016
-
Hi, Kiwisteveh. Thank you so much for your detailed review. Your suggestions were taken and I have done an edit. I would appreciate another look if you have the time.
Thank you again,
Senyai :)
-
I think that's definitely better! I quite like the future tense in 'who'll stray...' suggesting she knows he will be unfaithful. The whole thing flows more smoothly now with consistent line length.
