Texas Dream Catcher
Viewing comments for Chapter 95 "Chapter Veintisiete, (27) Pt Cuatro"Drug & human trafficking, can romance win?
37 total reviews
Comment from CALLAHANMR
Hi Barbara:)
In this chapter, a great deal of the Rockim' A Ranch's history seems to come out, but how would Uncle Gunter's murder have joined his land with the ranch? It seems to me that if Martinez-Vega had been a party to the murder, the extra land would have ended up in Mexican hands. Is more information available?
Love and Irish Hugs help you reveal the whole truth.
Sorry for the late review. Marilyn and I have been busy with our own writing.
Roger
reply by the author on 16-May-2016
  |
Hi Barbara:)
In this chapter, a great deal of the Rockim' A Ranch's history seems to come out, but how would Uncle Gunter's murder have joined his land with the ranch? It seems to me that if Martinez-Vega had been a party to the murder, the extra land would have ended up in Mexican hands. Is more information available?
Love and Irish Hugs help you reveal the whole truth.
Sorry for the late review. Marilyn and I have been busy with our own writing.
Roger
Comment Written 16-May-2016
reply by the author on 16-May-2016
-
I always enjoy hearing from you. More information on the 125,000 acres will be forthcoming.
Comment from Ben Colder
Trying to get back into your story and have picked up in my mind where we are. The 18 minute battle at San-J is near my birth place. My dads people all involved in history there. You are carrying this on very well. Texas Rangers, by Dr. Prescott Webb would really help you in the area you are now. Amazon has it. Another good one.
reply by the author on 15-May-2016
|
Trying to get back into your story and have picked up in my mind where we are. The 18 minute battle at San-J is near my birth place. My dads people all involved in history there. You are carrying this on very well. Texas Rangers, by Dr. Prescott Webb would really help you in the area you are now. Amazon has it. Another good one.
Comment Written 15-May-2016
reply by the author on 15-May-2016
-
I will get that book. Thank you for the kind review. I just bought the book. It should be here by Tuesday.
Comment from RPSaxena
Hello Barbara.Wilkey,
Nice piece in continuation, having smooth flow, taking the story forward in an interesting way!
These lines are particularly worth noting:
Soni released a deep breath. "Grandfather and you have been drawing this story out for hours, but it seems like days. How did Gunter die and how did I get 125,000 extra acres?" Her lips pouted.
reply by the author on 15-May-2016
 |
Hello Barbara.Wilkey,
Nice piece in continuation, having smooth flow, taking the story forward in an interesting way!
These lines are particularly worth noting:
Soni released a deep breath. "Grandfather and you have been drawing this story out for hours, but it seems like days. How did Gunter die and how did I get 125,000 extra acres?" Her lips pouted.
Comment Written 12-May-2016
reply by the author on 15-May-2016
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from rama devi
Hi dear B. Not been much active here the past month, so may have missed some chapters. However, with your writing, it is easy to jump back and not feel lost at all. A fine and fast paced chapter with fine characterization enhanced by dialog.
One suggestion:
"I need to know how we ended up with 625,000 acres. We only started with 250,000.
Spell out numbers using alphabet not numerals.
Good job delivering backstory info via dialog...well done!
Fine use of action tags too.
*How did Gunter die and how did I get 125,000 extra acres?"
one hundred and twenty five acres
*Her lips pouted.
She pouted.
(NOTE: it sounds odd giving personification to lips, like saying 'her mouth smiled' instead of 'she smiled'.)
*
"Your original 250,000(two hundred and fifty thousand) acres stretched from I(-)35 to the reservation, and that area by the Edwards Plateau."
"Did it follow I(-)35 all the way to Laredo?"
Spell number:
"So the 125,000 acres went
As usual, a potent closing hook!
Warmly,
rd
reply by the author on 15-May-2016
|
Hi dear B. Not been much active here the past month, so may have missed some chapters. However, with your writing, it is easy to jump back and not feel lost at all. A fine and fast paced chapter with fine characterization enhanced by dialog.
One suggestion:
"I need to know how we ended up with 625,000 acres. We only started with 250,000.
Spell out numbers using alphabet not numerals.
Good job delivering backstory info via dialog...well done!
Fine use of action tags too.
*How did Gunter die and how did I get 125,000 extra acres?"
one hundred and twenty five acres
*Her lips pouted.
She pouted.
(NOTE: it sounds odd giving personification to lips, like saying 'her mouth smiled' instead of 'she smiled'.)
*
"Your original 250,000(two hundred and fifty thousand) acres stretched from I(-)35 to the reservation, and that area by the Edwards Plateau."
"Did it follow I(-)35 all the way to Laredo?"
Spell number:
"So the 125,000 acres went
As usual, a potent closing hook!
Warmly,
rd
Comment Written 11-May-2016
reply by the author on 15-May-2016
-
I have missed your comments on my posts. I am lousy with commas. LOL I am glad you caught this one and I am off to make the corrections.
-
Thanks, dear. :-)))
Comment from boxergirl
Soni shows her impatience by poutingly asking why she wasn't told more of this history before. She's also smart enough to figure out that Gunter wasnt killed by Indians. Good writing, Barbara!
reply by the author on 11-May-2016
|
Soni shows her impatience by poutingly asking why she wasn't told more of this history before. She's also smart enough to figure out that Gunter wasnt killed by Indians. Good writing, Barbara!
Comment Written 10-May-2016
reply by the author on 11-May-2016
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Stacia Ann
Hi, Barbara. I was interested in your story right away, from the book summary at the top--imagine a drug conduit going through your property! (I live off of I-5, which runs through California from Mexico to Canada and is also a major conduit of drugs.) Your story setting then is compelling.
Overall, I would say this is great, in the history and culture the story is steeped in, the intense love and connection to the land apparent. I like how Soni gently keeps pressing Alex until she arrives at a conclusion about what probably happened.
Some considerations:
I was startled when I got to the line "Alex waited until Soni landed the helicopter..." When did they arrive at the airport and get in the helicopter? We see Soni talking about calling "ahead" to the airport, and then suddenly they're apparently in the helicopter. You have to show them arriving at the airport and getting in the helicopter and then taking off while the conversation is going on. It will be interesting material, also.
I'm confused about the details about the extra acres Soni wound up and how she feels about it and why. The numbers confuse me--it may just be me, but Soni says at the beginning "I need to know how we ended up with 625,000 acres. We only started with 250,000." This seems positive, that she has more land than she accounted for. Later she seems irritated and "pouts" about this--maybe not so much because that she has the extra land but that she wasn't told why? It seems she would be more excited about this, happy, etc. A little unclear.
The number 125,000 acres is also mentioned, and I'm not sure how that relates to the other figures of 250, 000 and 625,000. The numbers don't seem to add up, although, again, I may be missing something. Otherwise, some clarification seems to be needed.
I like that Alex and Soni seem to know that Gunter was not killed in a Comache attack, that Comaches didn't kill in this manner. Again, strong understanding of the culture.
Nice work!
Stacia
reply by the author on 11-May-2016
|
Hi, Barbara. I was interested in your story right away, from the book summary at the top--imagine a drug conduit going through your property! (I live off of I-5, which runs through California from Mexico to Canada and is also a major conduit of drugs.) Your story setting then is compelling.
Overall, I would say this is great, in the history and culture the story is steeped in, the intense love and connection to the land apparent. I like how Soni gently keeps pressing Alex until she arrives at a conclusion about what probably happened.
Some considerations:
I was startled when I got to the line "Alex waited until Soni landed the helicopter..." When did they arrive at the airport and get in the helicopter? We see Soni talking about calling "ahead" to the airport, and then suddenly they're apparently in the helicopter. You have to show them arriving at the airport and getting in the helicopter and then taking off while the conversation is going on. It will be interesting material, also.
I'm confused about the details about the extra acres Soni wound up and how she feels about it and why. The numbers confuse me--it may just be me, but Soni says at the beginning "I need to know how we ended up with 625,000 acres. We only started with 250,000." This seems positive, that she has more land than she accounted for. Later she seems irritated and "pouts" about this--maybe not so much because that she has the extra land but that she wasn't told why? It seems she would be more excited about this, happy, etc. A little unclear.
The number 125,000 acres is also mentioned, and I'm not sure how that relates to the other figures of 250, 000 and 625,000. The numbers don't seem to add up, although, again, I may be missing something. Otherwise, some clarification seems to be needed.
I like that Alex and Soni seem to know that Gunter was not killed in a Comache attack, that Comaches didn't kill in this manner. Again, strong understanding of the culture.
Nice work!
Stacia
Comment Written 10-May-2016
reply by the author on 11-May-2016
-
All of your questions were answered in the previous part of this chapter. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Ulla
Hi Barbara, it is so interesting this and going back in time to find the history of your family, You describe everything in such detail that I get the impression that you must know the area very well, or that you have done a lot of research. Well written and well done. All the best. Ulla:))
reply by the author on 10-May-2016
|
Hi Barbara, it is so interesting this and going back in time to find the history of your family, You describe everything in such detail that I get the impression that you must know the area very well, or that you have done a lot of research. Well written and well done. All the best. Ulla:))
Comment Written 10-May-2016
reply by the author on 10-May-2016
-
I appreciate the kind review.
Comment from Ric Myworld
I guess there are parts of our family histories that we all had just as well not know. Those times weren't so different than today, you had the good people, the bad, and the scallywags. Thanks for another fine chapter. :-)
reply by the author on 10-May-2016
|
I guess there are parts of our family histories that we all had just as well not know. Those times weren't so different than today, you had the good people, the bad, and the scallywags. Thanks for another fine chapter. :-)
Comment Written 10-May-2016
reply by the author on 10-May-2016
-
I appreciate the kind review.
Comment from Dawn Munro
Well, it might be taking a long time to wrap up, and maybe there's even some parts of it that are not as full of action as other parts, but Barbara, it is about as authentic as any I've read. You must either know a lot about the area ('write what you know') or you do a lot of research - I think it's probably a combination of both. But even the names you've picked sound so real! The alleged history story is fabulous too!
reply by the author on 10-May-2016
|
Well, it might be taking a long time to wrap up, and maybe there's even some parts of it that are not as full of action as other parts, but Barbara, it is about as authentic as any I've read. You must either know a lot about the area ('write what you know') or you do a lot of research - I think it's probably a combination of both. But even the names you've picked sound so real! The alleged history story is fabulous too!
Comment Written 09-May-2016
reply by the author on 10-May-2016
-
I appreciate the kind review.
Comment from judiverse
It's quite a story about the land. Sounds as Gunter won the unaccounted-for acres in a poker game and then was killed for his efforts. If Martinez-Vega murdered Gunter, sounds like he tried to make it look like an Indian attack. I think the history you bring in is fascinating. The men somehow seem reluctant to tell the story to Soni. Maybe there's more to it than they're telling. Soni is certainly determined to get at the truth about how the property was obtained. Great work. You are taking your time, but it's worth it. judi
reply by the author on 10-May-2016
|
It's quite a story about the land. Sounds as Gunter won the unaccounted-for acres in a poker game and then was killed for his efforts. If Martinez-Vega murdered Gunter, sounds like he tried to make it look like an Indian attack. I think the history you bring in is fascinating. The men somehow seem reluctant to tell the story to Soni. Maybe there's more to it than they're telling. Soni is certainly determined to get at the truth about how the property was obtained. Great work. You are taking your time, but it's worth it. judi
Comment Written 09-May-2016
reply by the author on 10-May-2016
-
I appreciate the kind review.
-
You're welcome. Love the story. julid
