Pretty in Pink
Evil puts innocence to work then buries the evidence.11 total reviews
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Wow. A great story about two demons, a 5-years-old child death and transference to a doll and a mother.
Very well written with great description of the characters and their surrounding. Good job!
reply by the author on 09-May-2016
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Wow. A great story about two demons, a 5-years-old child death and transference to a doll and a mother.
Very well written with great description of the characters and their surrounding. Good job!
Comment Written 09-May-2016
reply by the author on 09-May-2016
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Thanks for the great review.
Comment from write hand blue
Hi mystery writer, you have managed to instil the right amount of tension in the lead up to the end where the girls voice whispers to mummy.
I can't see any typos. Good luck in the competition... ~Mel~
reply by the author on 07-May-2016
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Hi mystery writer, you have managed to instil the right amount of tension in the lead up to the end where the girls voice whispers to mummy.
I can't see any typos. Good luck in the competition... ~Mel~
Comment Written 07-May-2016
reply by the author on 07-May-2016
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from frogbook
Job well done on the scare part. Quite creepy and well written with an air of suspense and mystery throughout. Compelling reading that kept the reader on the edge of their seat.
reply by the author on 06-May-2016
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Job well done on the scare part. Quite creepy and well written with an air of suspense and mystery throughout. Compelling reading that kept the reader on the edge of their seat.
Comment Written 06-May-2016
reply by the author on 06-May-2016
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from cupa tea
Very good~ You created a spooky feeling in this piece. A scary piece of writing needs that spooky feeling. Nice choice of material too..good luck with the contest...
reply by the author on 05-May-2016
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Very good~ You created a spooky feeling in this piece. A scary piece of writing needs that spooky feeling. Nice choice of material too..good luck with the contest...
Comment Written 05-May-2016
reply by the author on 05-May-2016
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Dawn Munro
This story is so real I have goosebumps. I even wonder if things like this actually happen and we just never connect the dots. There is lots of unsolved crime...
Excellent narrative voice, perfectly paced, creepy as all get out with highly authentic characters, plot and dialogue. Vivid descriptions are likely to give me nightmares - wish I'd read this a little earlier. (LOL)
Best of luck in the contest with this exceptional story!
reply by the author on 05-May-2016
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This story is so real I have goosebumps. I even wonder if things like this actually happen and we just never connect the dots. There is lots of unsolved crime...
Excellent narrative voice, perfectly paced, creepy as all get out with highly authentic characters, plot and dialogue. Vivid descriptions are likely to give me nightmares - wish I'd read this a little earlier. (LOL)
Best of luck in the contest with this exceptional story!
Comment Written 04-May-2016
reply by the author on 05-May-2016
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Thanks for the stellar review and the bonus star. Just thought I would stray off the beaten path for a change.
Comment from foxangie123
I know exactly who wrote this. That picture gave me the hibbie gibbies. Whew. This is more truth than fiction in afraid. It's like reality television versus the Psycho movie per say. Good entry.
reply by the author on 05-May-2016
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I know exactly who wrote this. That picture gave me the hibbie gibbies. Whew. This is more truth than fiction in afraid. It's like reality television versus the Psycho movie per say. Good entry.
Comment Written 04-May-2016
reply by the author on 05-May-2016
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Thanks for the review. Don't bet on knowing who this is.
Comment from GeraldS
This story certainly has a morbid tone to it. But I'm not sure I understood everything.
The last sentence in the second paragraph doesn't read well. Would it be better as: "The night had a stranglehold on what looked like it was going to be a dismal day."?
In the third paragraph I was confused by "She grabbed the little girl's arm and wrenched it from her daughter's death grip." Was it the doll's arm that was wrenched from her daughter?
In the last paragraph, first sentence, the word "Still" should be "still."
reply by the author on 04-May-2016
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This story certainly has a morbid tone to it. But I'm not sure I understood everything.
The last sentence in the second paragraph doesn't read well. Would it be better as: "The night had a stranglehold on what looked like it was going to be a dismal day."?
In the third paragraph I was confused by "She grabbed the little girl's arm and wrenched it from her daughter's death grip." Was it the doll's arm that was wrenched from her daughter?
In the last paragraph, first sentence, the word "Still" should be "still."
Comment Written 04-May-2016
reply by the author on 04-May-2016
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Thanks for the constructive review. Made a couple of changes.
Comment from Debbie Noland
You use great descriptive words in this piece to create an atmosphere of horror that intensifies as the storyline progresses. The imagery certainly enables you to do what the contest prompt says: scare me.
It is good the way you start us in the middle of the situation and then feed in backstory, especially in the instance of the shadowy figure's identity. The story takes on a "Rosemary's Baby" sense as the connection between man and child becomes apparent.
A quick suggestion would be to change rod iron to wrought iron in that first paragraph. But overall, you have a well conceived horror piece that should do well.
reply by the author on 04-May-2016
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You use great descriptive words in this piece to create an atmosphere of horror that intensifies as the storyline progresses. The imagery certainly enables you to do what the contest prompt says: scare me.
It is good the way you start us in the middle of the situation and then feed in backstory, especially in the instance of the shadowy figure's identity. The story takes on a "Rosemary's Baby" sense as the connection between man and child becomes apparent.
A quick suggestion would be to change rod iron to wrought iron in that first paragraph. But overall, you have a well conceived horror piece that should do well.
Comment Written 04-May-2016
reply by the author on 04-May-2016
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Thanks. I knew there was something off with rod. Forgot.
Comment from infinityyingyang
This was absolutely captivating and I really enjoyed that "AHA!" moment when the title's meaning was revealed. The level of mystery and suspense kept the momentum going and it held my attention from beginning to end.
reply by the author on 04-May-2016
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This was absolutely captivating and I really enjoyed that "AHA!" moment when the title's meaning was revealed. The level of mystery and suspense kept the momentum going and it held my attention from beginning to end.
Comment Written 04-May-2016
reply by the author on 04-May-2016
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Thank you for the kind review and welcome to fanstory.
Comment from Heidixoxo
Hello my friend....
This was a fantastic story!! You have written and created a scary enough I must add. Your characters are so nicely formed and this made for a very great read. You were able to hold my attention from the beginning to the end. I look forward to reading more of your work is n the near future. Best of luck to you.
Heidixoxo
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 04-May-2016
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Hello my friend....
This was a fantastic story!! You have written and created a scary enough I must add. Your characters are so nicely formed and this made for a very great read. You were able to hold my attention from the beginning to the end. I look forward to reading more of your work is n the near future. Best of luck to you.
Heidixoxo
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 03-May-2016
reply by the author on 04-May-2016
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Thank you for the kind review.
