The Piper
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "The Piper, part 7"Young Adult Fantasy
20 total reviews
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
Another well written addition to this tale. The characters and interplay between them is well writ, and more revelations to come for Piper in the near future.
Good stuff
GMG
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2016
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Hi there,
Another well written addition to this tale. The characters and interplay between them is well writ, and more revelations to come for Piper in the near future.
Good stuff
GMG
Comment Written 26-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2016
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Hi GMG,
Thank you for your continued support. I appreciate the encouragement.
I'll be dropping by to catch up soon on your writing.
Debi
Comment from foxangie123
If this is my second review I'm sorry my mind is bottled with sick family. This is really great either way as I thought I remembered reading it. You rock as an author dear.
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2016
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If this is my second review I'm sorry my mind is bottled with sick family. This is really great either way as I thought I remembered reading it. You rock as an author dear.
Comment Written 25-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2016
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Thank you for the very encouraging comments. You made me smile. I appreciate that after a long day at work.
Sorry to hear about your family being ill. I hope everyone gets well soon.
Comment from DonandVicki
I liked the feel of this chapter. Well written and you hold the readers attention with your well formed plot. The characters are very believable. Overall this is a very enjoyable story.
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2016
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I liked the feel of this chapter. Well written and you hold the readers attention with your well formed plot. The characters are very believable. Overall this is a very enjoyable story.
Comment Written 25-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2016
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I am pleased to hear you are enjoying the story. Thank you for continuing to follow it. I appreciate the encouraging comments about the writing. Thank you so much.
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Debi. Long time since I've heard from you, it seems. Your story is tuning along very nicely, my friend. Your images are concrete as are your details. very very important to good writing, I think. Like these:
" Then he paused with a dreamy look on his face. "These past few days have been incredible."
And: "Thank you." Braun bowed, sweeping his hand with a flourish and stepping into the room. "How's the packing going?"
Your dialogue is superb and the story very easy to follow, my friend.
Bravo! Bob
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2016
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Hi, Debi. Long time since I've heard from you, it seems. Your story is tuning along very nicely, my friend. Your images are concrete as are your details. very very important to good writing, I think. Like these:
" Then he paused with a dreamy look on his face. "These past few days have been incredible."
And: "Thank you." Braun bowed, sweeping his hand with a flourish and stepping into the room. "How's the packing going?"
Your dialogue is superb and the story very easy to follow, my friend.
Bravo! Bob
Comment Written 25-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2016
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Hi Bob,
My life has been a bit crazy lately. I learned two weeks ago that my department is closing so I've been scrambling to find jobs for my people in other departments. I've still got a few to go, including myself. I hope things settle down soon so I can spend more time writing and reviewing.
I appreciate the comments about the dialogue--there was a lot in this chapter--and about the details as well. Thank you for taking time to point out what you liked.
I hope to stop by and catch up on your novel soon.
Thank you again for the encouraging comments.
Debi
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I miss you! Bob
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Thank you. I just need to get the job situation under control and then I can visit more often. :)
Comment from CEO2020
The subject matter is not my type of read but the chapter is written well in my opinion, and the story-line has merit. I think the chapter should end with me wanting to read the next chapter. I was taught to add suspense/drama at the end of each chapter.
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2016
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The subject matter is not my type of read but the chapter is written well in my opinion, and the story-line has merit. I think the chapter should end with me wanting to read the next chapter. I was taught to add suspense/drama at the end of each chapter.
Comment Written 25-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 25-Apr-2016
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Thank you for the review, especially since it is not your type of subject matter. I am hoping that those that have read the previous chapter feel some drama since the Captain and the Fae are bitter enemies. I appreciate your observation.
Comment from nancy_e_davis
The Black Forest Fife must be something
special. Something that will make Piper
special in his own right. The Fae is in
a difficult position at the moment and
piper will have to wait for answers, that
is if the Fae escapes Captain Burkehart.
Well done.x Nancy
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2016
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The Black Forest Fife must be something
special. Something that will make Piper
special in his own right. The Fae is in
a difficult position at the moment and
piper will have to wait for answers, that
is if the Fae escapes Captain Burkehart.
Well done.x Nancy
Comment Written 25-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2016
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Hi Nancy,
Thank you for the analysis and your insights on the plot. Looks like you are getting exactly what I was hoping to convey. I appreciate you following the story. Your comments mean a lot to me.
Debi
Comment from Brett Matthew West
Seems young "Piper," a fitting name for a flutist, has his upcoming birthday on his mind.
It also appears the Fae has something important to tell him.
Or, could that be a ruse to lead the young man into a serious situation?
Couple ways this story could be taken from this point.
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2016
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Seems young "Piper," a fitting name for a flutist, has his upcoming birthday on his mind.
It also appears the Fae has something important to tell him.
Or, could that be a ruse to lead the young man into a serious situation?
Couple ways this story could be taken from this point.
Comment Written 25-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2016
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Thank you for the great review and your comments about the plot. I love that it raised a question or two. I appreciate the encouragement.
Comment from mfowler
Being new to your story left me a bit lost at first, but your introductory notes and chapter snippet helped a lot. This Piper seems to be a young lad of some promise in the music department, and is surrounded by a cast of friends and mentors who support and protect his career. The Fae, a mysterious character, seems determined to tell Piper something of great import. Several attempts at contact have been foiled, and it would seem Capt. Burkehart has done it again. The conflict, or tension in this narrative segment surrounds the boy's inheritance from his grandfather. When Braun speaks to Piper, he says he intends to take him to his inherited estate. But, it's the Fae's message about the Black Forest Fife that adds intrigue and complexity to our understanding of Piper's true inheritance. The chapter is a mix of camaraderie and future plans, spiced up by the arrival of the Fae with his uncertain message. You achieve a very readable and enjoyable plot with a consistent balance of believable dialogue and good description. I immediately felt part of fantasy scenario and this would be perfect for young adult fantasy fiction, given the ideas exposed here and complexity of the plot.
One suggestion:
"Who knows, maybe you'll be the next duke."...needs a question mark.
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2016
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Being new to your story left me a bit lost at first, but your introductory notes and chapter snippet helped a lot. This Piper seems to be a young lad of some promise in the music department, and is surrounded by a cast of friends and mentors who support and protect his career. The Fae, a mysterious character, seems determined to tell Piper something of great import. Several attempts at contact have been foiled, and it would seem Capt. Burkehart has done it again. The conflict, or tension in this narrative segment surrounds the boy's inheritance from his grandfather. When Braun speaks to Piper, he says he intends to take him to his inherited estate. But, it's the Fae's message about the Black Forest Fife that adds intrigue and complexity to our understanding of Piper's true inheritance. The chapter is a mix of camaraderie and future plans, spiced up by the arrival of the Fae with his uncertain message. You achieve a very readable and enjoyable plot with a consistent balance of believable dialogue and good description. I immediately felt part of fantasy scenario and this would be perfect for young adult fantasy fiction, given the ideas exposed here and complexity of the plot.
One suggestion:
"Who knows, maybe you'll be the next duke."...needs a question mark.
Comment Written 25-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2016
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Thank you so much for this excellent review. I find it encouraging that you immediately felt part of the scenario and an found it an enjoyable read. Thank you for the synopsis as you see the story; that is very helpful in letting me know if what I want to convey is coming across. You were perceptive in catching that the real inheritance has something to do with the Black Forest Fife. I also appreciate the suggestion for improvement. Thank you for taking a chance on a chapter in a story that is already under way. So many people won't.
Debi
Comment from 222556
This was amazing! I loved the amazing overview of previous chapters, it helped me understand this chapter a lot better. You used very detailed language. You could show, instead of tell more in some places, but I liked that not all of it was so detailed, it gave a nice flourish. I'm excited to see your later chapters!
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reply by the author on 26-Apr-2016
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This was amazing! I loved the amazing overview of previous chapters, it helped me understand this chapter a lot better. You used very detailed language. You could show, instead of tell more in some places, but I liked that not all of it was so detailed, it gave a nice flourish. I'm excited to see your later chapters!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2016
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Thank you for the encouraging comments. I appreciate you mentioning the overview as I wondered if it took too much space; it is nice to know it was helpful. I am pleased to hear you would like to read more. Thank you!
Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin
Hi, Debi
= Hey, nice to see you posting.
= You have a great grasp with your dialogue.
= Nice to read a smooth flowing chapter.
= Cool end hook with the visitor. Good job.
~::~ A Smile Is A Frown Turned Upside Down! ~::~
Jacqueline M Franklin (*_*)
~::~ Feel free to visit my profile on Amazon.com ~::~
amazon.com/author/jacquelinefranklin
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2016
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Hi, Debi
= Hey, nice to see you posting.
= You have a great grasp with your dialogue.
= Nice to read a smooth flowing chapter.
= Cool end hook with the visitor. Good job.
~::~ A Smile Is A Frown Turned Upside Down! ~::~
Jacqueline M Franklin (*_*)
~::~ Feel free to visit my profile on Amazon.com ~::~
amazon.com/author/jacquelinefranklin
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2016
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Hi Jax,
Thank you for being the first person to review this chapter. I appreciate you continuing to follow the story. Thank you for mentioning the dialogue. I wondered if I had used too much in the chapter, but it just seemed to go that way. You tickled me with the comment about the smooth flowing chapter. I am still smiling. Your support means a lot to me.
I plan to drop by soon and catch a few chapters of your saga soon. That Allister family never has a dull moment.
Debi
