Comment from jusylee72

Excellent

Really interesting fun story , somewhat like Goose bump books were years ago. I so hope to continue to read your story. Thank you for the update. I will be looking for more.

 Comment Written 24-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 24-Apr-2016

Funny you should mention Goose Bumps, because these books are for that age group and a little older. I try to remember that when I'm writing or its easy to get to "heavy" for them.

Thanks so much,
Rhonda

Comment from konni

Good

You write well. Your story's interesting, but I feel that it could move faster. A simple way is to remove some dialogue explanations (good dialogue requires none) and speaker attributions. Also, everyone is getting along rather too well to worry the reader?
My understanding of using quotes: ordinary quotes are used outside of single quotes for a story told within a story, and, as you said, only closing at the end.
The artwork is superb-- I love it!
Hope this helps. All the best.


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 Comment Written 24-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 24-Apr-2016

The quotation marks have been a much debated issue, and I've settled for the one chose, good or bad, I can change it before I publish.

This group is getting along well, but the other isn't faring so well. The bad part of this site is the lack of continuity.

And I know I'm supposed to leave out the commentaries, and only did so this time because I was trying to answer some of the questions people have been asking. The last chapter I posted didn't have them. Please check it out to see how that one flowed.

Thanks so much for the comments. They are very much appreciated, and can do nothing but help.
Rhonda

reply by konni on 25-Apr-2016

Yes, that one moves better.
All the best.

reply by the author on 26-Apr-2016

Thank you!

Comment from CEO2020

Excellent

Hi. The chapter is laced with humorous and intriguing dialogue that showcases your skill as a writer and experience as a published author. i found this paragraph funny -

"'Quite innocently,' she explained, 'as is often the case where evil creatures are involved. We simply met in town one day while I was shopping. I was new to the community and she made me feel welcome. We would see each other about once a week and began to develop a friendly relationship.'

lol...I thought of the many evil creatures i see shopping, especially on black Friday.


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 Comment Written 24-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 24-Apr-2016

That is so funny!!! I should add a chapter about werewolves attacking a Black Friday sale. That is too good!

Thanks so much for reading and leaving your comments. I means a lot,
Rhonda