Comment from giraffmang

Excellent

Hi Rhonda,

Good backstory and insight to Mildred through Maggie's story. An ally for the girls. Good writing and plotting.

the rest of the team gains entry to to rescue her - only one 'to' needed.

"That's horrible," Tabby said, her face a mask of compassion. Tabby always was the most tender of the bunch.

"It was," Maggie agreed; "more than you could ever imagine. It was then I first understood she was wasn't what she seemed."

"What did you do then?" Tabby asked. - have a look at the speech marks in this section.

I first understood she was wasn't what she seemed - delete 'was'.

 Comment Written 25-Apr-2016

---

reply by the author on 25-Apr-2016

Okay, thanks for the pointers! I'll check it all.
Thanks, also, for the very careful review,
Rhonda

Comment from MelB

Excellent

Fantastic chapter, Rhonda! It seems the girls have found an ally in Maggie and also found the whereabouts of Sally. Now, if they can just get to her in time.

 Comment Written 25-Apr-2016

---

reply by the author on 25-Apr-2016

Thanks so much, and they will sure try to get to Sally in time....

Comment from seaglass

Excellent

And now the story unravels. The witch has stolen the mansion from it's rightful owners, So there must be a way to break the spell and I'm sure the girls will find it. I commend you on the diversity of your characters.

 Comment Written 24-Apr-2016

---

reply by the author on 25-Apr-2016

Thanks so much, it was my complete intention to have diversity. It is important to me.
I appreciate the comments,
Rhonda

Comment from royowen

Excellent

A very imaginative episode, I find your ability to manufacture a plot awe inspiring and clever. Fancy thinking of s ghost held in bondage by a witch who appears to be pure evil, a very worthy antagonist if I ever saw or read one Rhonda. So now Mildred the ghost has gone to check where the girls are and apparently if she can save a person's life, she can released from her bondage, well done Rhonda, great episode, blessings, Roy

 Comment Written 24-Apr-2016

---

reply by the author on 25-Apr-2016

Thank you so much, Roy, and, as always, you see what others miss. Yes, the main point of this is how Mildred is so evil, even the dead can fall under her bondage. I appreciate your insight and your comments,
Rhonda

reply by royowen on 25-Apr-2016

Great writing Rhonda

Comment from Jacqueline M Franklin

Excellent

Hi, Rhonda

= Great continuation on your story.
= Your dialogue is always spot on.
= Cool artwork. Perfect choice.
= I like that you keep the storyline believable, and not overmuch in the fantasy, which makes it seem more authentic.
= Excellent work, my friend.

=::= A Smile Is A Frown Turned Upside Down! =::=
Jacqueline M Franklin (*_*)

=::= Feel free to visit my profile on Amazon.com =::=
amazon.com/author/jacquelinefranklin

 Comment Written 24-Apr-2016

---

reply by the author on 25-Apr-2016

I actually focus on trying to make the characters seem "normal" as I saw a study done on the most successful fantasy stories being ones that can be incorporated into our real lives. Now later on, I'll have a few squirrley ones, like a dumb dragon, but those are just for fun. Thanks for picking up on that point,
Rhonda

Comment from trailblazer101

Excellent

She was elegantly dressed in a long flowing dress with a high collar and low cut bodice. She moved with well bred grace, and, except for haunting eyes and an obvious lack of a physical body, she might have been said to be pretty.
I just added a comma and deleted one. Just a punctuation thingie.

It's an interesting tale. You have a gift for realistic dialog and that is rare.
There's some other punctuation mistakes but nowadays many are forgivable, I'm told.
It's readable, easy to follow and well done.
Think I'll check under my bed tonight and maybe the closet too ...

 Comment Written 24-Apr-2016

---

reply by the author on 25-Apr-2016

That's funny! Yes, check the closet...

Thanks for the help with the commas. To be honest, I am never really sure where they go, and could take all the advice you have to give on it. I tend to be very random with them.

Thanks again,
Rhonda

reply by trailblazer101 on 25-Apr-2016

Bit busy right now and about to post my latest novel on Amazon (Kindle). But I'll help out when I can. You have the basics down. It'll fly, I'm sure. Not my genre but I know a skilled writer when I see one.
My editor was a horrible person. Made me better but ouch when he let loose over commas!

reply by the author on 26-Apr-2016

My editor was horrible, and that's why I bought back the rights to this book and am rewriting it! I prefer honesty (nicely delivered of course)!
Good luck with your project.

Comment from Cindy Warren

Excellent

Ah, who has not known someone like Mildred? Luckily for most of us they've been nothing more than sneaky people. This looks like it might be worth catching up on. I'm sure they'll rescue Sally and free Maggie in the end, but they'll have an interesting time doing it.

 Comment Written 24-Apr-2016

---

reply by the author on 25-Apr-2016

Exactly, there's a long road to Sally, I'm afraid.

You know, it's funny, but I based Mildred on a real person in my life-actually as daughter-in-law who moved in and was my "best friend", but who started "telling on people" and making me angry about what people were doing in the family, so I found myself sick a lot. Thank goodness, they finally moved, and now we get along much better.

Thanks for the review,
Rhonda

Comment from Chrissy710

Excellent

Hi Ronda. I found this had me in from the start and I couldn,t stop until the end. I am sorry I have missed many of the other an may try to backtrack. I will keep an eye out for the next instalment You certainly can write a good story and to be perfectly honest the punctuation didn't really matter as you story was so engrossing . Cheers again Christine ( I rarely read and review stories as I seem to be too busy trying to catch up on the poetry , this is a busy site and so much to read ) Cheers Christineð???

 Comment Written 24-Apr-2016

---

reply by the author on 24-Apr-2016

Thank you so much, Christine, for your wonderful review. I appreciate your taking a diversion from the poetry for the story, and I know how quickly you can get behind!

Thanks again,
Rhonda

Comment from Douglas Paul

Exceptional

Another great chapter. I like the new ally the Daredevil girls have in the ghost. I t seems they may have a way out of this now. Your writing is smooth as always and your story flows well and held my attention throughout. This is very good

 Comment Written 24-Apr-2016

---

reply by the author on 24-Apr-2016

Wow, thank you for the stellar 6. How wonderful, and how very welcome. Like some of your work, this is for young adults, and some people don't always get that. Oh, well, can't please all the people, right??

Thanks again,
Rhonda

reply by Douglas Paul on 24-Apr-2016

Nope - you cannot please them all. You are doing a good job of targeting young adults with this in my opinion

reply by the author on 24-Apr-2016

Thank you so much! I try to have a positive attitude...

Comment from Mike Stevens

Excellent

Another fine chapter, Rhonda--I still would need a whole case of Depends, and even that would be iffy, to stand there talking to a ghost, like it happened every day!

 Comment Written 24-Apr-2016

---

reply by the author on 24-Apr-2016

The Daredevil Girls have many encounters with the strange. Now, many would make me pee my pants, too, the least of which a nice ghost. Still..

Thanks,
Rhonda