The Daredevil Girls From Bunker Hil
Viewing comments for Chapter 18 "A Ghostly Story"A fantasy novel about good fighting evil.
33 total reviews
Comment from A.R. Curry
It's well written and entertaining, but you know that, so I'll jump right to pointing out my only issue, not to take you down a notch, but to help lift you up lol. In my honest opinion, I think you overuse dialogue tags to the point they become distracting. There where a number of times where I could tell who was speaking without needing you to tell me. I suggest editing out situations like that. Again, good job. Keep up the hard work!
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2016
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It's well written and entertaining, but you know that, so I'll jump right to pointing out my only issue, not to take you down a notch, but to help lift you up lol. In my honest opinion, I think you overuse dialogue tags to the point they become distracting. There where a number of times where I could tell who was speaking without needing you to tell me. I suggest editing out situations like that. Again, good job. Keep up the hard work!
Comment Written 27-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2016
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You are very right, I do need to do that. Thank you for reviewing and helping. Something to fix for next chapter!
Rhonda
Comment from rspoet
An excellent interlude from the witch chase
and a chance to introduce a new character.
It gives insight to the witch's power
and what it will take to break her hold
on the ghost and the daredevils
It seems the girls have no choice but to trust the ghost
though Tabby seems a bit suspicious
"Tell me you didn't give in and let her stay,' Tabby said"
But supernatural ghosts can be useful
especially if they can go through walls and floors
very well written chapter
Sadly I'm out of sixes.
They don't last long when you review on both the story
and the poetry side. Tom should provide extra when one reviews
stories and poetry.
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2016
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An excellent interlude from the witch chase
and a chance to introduce a new character.
It gives insight to the witch's power
and what it will take to break her hold
on the ghost and the daredevils
It seems the girls have no choice but to trust the ghost
though Tabby seems a bit suspicious
"Tell me you didn't give in and let her stay,' Tabby said"
But supernatural ghosts can be useful
especially if they can go through walls and floors
very well written chapter
Sadly I'm out of sixes.
They don't last long when you review on both the story
and the poetry side. Tom should provide extra when one reviews
stories and poetry.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2016
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Thank you for the review--more valuable than stars, though those are nice, too. I think you are really onto something with the idea of six stars for multiple venues. In fact, 6 for each, poetry, short stories and scripts. Definitely works for me!
The ghost is a bit of a mystery, especially since she has been under the witch's control for so long...
Thank you so much for keeping up!!
Rhonda
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Another good chapter, in which we continue to learn more about the house, the ghost, and Mildred.
-I am glad Tabby needed to rest so we could hear Maggie tell her story.
-One thing I am curious about is the story about Stewart and the rest of Maggie's family. As I kept reading, I thought, "where have I heard this before?" Then, I realized it was earlier in your chapters. My question is why some kind of transition isn't included so the reader doesn't wonder where he/she heard that before?
-But, Maggie's story is very compelling, especially how Mildred got her under her control, little by little, and Maggie felt helpless about doing anything, much like many situations in which there is a victim.
-I like the quote that ends the story.
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2016
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-Another good chapter, in which we continue to learn more about the house, the ghost, and Mildred.
-I am glad Tabby needed to rest so we could hear Maggie tell her story.
-One thing I am curious about is the story about Stewart and the rest of Maggie's family. As I kept reading, I thought, "where have I heard this before?" Then, I realized it was earlier in your chapters. My question is why some kind of transition isn't included so the reader doesn't wonder where he/she heard that before?
-But, Maggie's story is very compelling, especially how Mildred got her under her control, little by little, and Maggie felt helpless about doing anything, much like many situations in which there is a victim.
-I like the quote that ends the story.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2016
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You are so right on the story, and, to be honest, when the new book is compiled, I will edit that part. I left it long because not everyone remembers the details when it's broken up, but I think I'll go ahead and fix it now. I just thought of a way to do it. Thanks so much!!
Thanks, also, for hanging in there with the story!
Rhonda
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You are very welcome. Glad it was helpful and you found a way to do it. I'm not hanging in there, but enjoying the story very much.
Comment from Susanne M. Psyris
A very interesting read, indeed! I thoroughly enjoyed this chapter...it has me intrigued. I will have to go to the beginning of the book so that I can catch up and get the real flavor of what is going on. I was questioning the quotation marks too, but after reading your author's notes, who am I to say. Good job. God bless and hugs, Susanne
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2016
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A very interesting read, indeed! I thoroughly enjoyed this chapter...it has me intrigued. I will have to go to the beginning of the book so that I can catch up and get the real flavor of what is going on. I was questioning the quotation marks too, but after reading your author's notes, who am I to say. Good job. God bless and hugs, Susanne
Comment Written 27-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2016
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Thank you, so much, Susanne. I would be completely honored if you would go back and read earlier chapters.
The quotation marks are a pain, but I have reviewers that watch them carefully. Before I publish it, I'm going to make "good and sure" what I need to do.
Thanks again,
Rhonda
Comment from Gone but not forgotten
Interesting concept. A ghost being held captive by a witch. Ah, but an evil witch, unlike most of us! I love the idea of Dare Devil Girls! I'll keep reading. Thanks.
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2016
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Interesting concept. A ghost being held captive by a witch. Ah, but an evil witch, unlike most of us! I love the idea of Dare Devil Girls! I'll keep reading. Thanks.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2016
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Thank you so much. It's amazing how a person can gain control over people who let them in. Gotta wonder just how far that control can go.
I so appreciate your reading, and would be deeply honored if you continued.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from F. Wehr3
Nice work on this part of your story. Now that the ghost is free to move around, it should set up the next part for an exciting conclusion.
""'t was,' Just double quotes and capital letter for this one.
Take care,
Russell
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2016
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Nice work on this part of your story. Now that the ghost is free to move around, it should set up the next part for an exciting conclusion.
""'t was,' Just double quotes and capital letter for this one.
Take care,
Russell
Comment Written 27-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2016
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Okay, thanks for finding the Spag!
Thanks, also, for the comments and review. Yes, this part should wrap up soon, but Nancy isn't quite through with her stories...
Rhonda
Comment from sage17611
This is a nice fictitious story about an earth bound ghost being held against her will. I haven't read the previous chapters, but I will take at look at them. The story was narrated well, which was interesting enough to read it in it's entirety. You made the characters appear realistic with your description. I enjoyed reading your story.
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2016
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This is a nice fictitious story about an earth bound ghost being held against her will. I haven't read the previous chapters, but I will take at look at them. The story was narrated well, which was interesting enough to read it in it's entirety. You made the characters appear realistic with your description. I enjoyed reading your story.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2016
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Thank you, so much. I would be thrilled if you would go back and read, and continue to follow. I appreciate your viewpoint and review,
Rhonda
Comment from boxergirl
Great job, Rhonda, with the continuation of your story line! I especially liked Maggie's account of how she was sucked into Mildred's spell. :-)
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2016
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Great job, Rhonda, with the continuation of your story line! I especially liked Maggie's account of how she was sucked into Mildred's spell. :-)
Comment Written 26-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2016
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Thank you for the sparkling six stars, my friend! I also appreciate you telling me what part stood out to you. Much welcomed and appreciated!
Rhonda
Comment from ioana.u
Great chapter! Great story about the way evil slowly begins to control someone. Now I'm curious if she really is on their side or it's just a trap. Looking forward to the next part, as usual :)
Ioana
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2016
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Great chapter! Great story about the way evil slowly begins to control someone. Now I'm curious if she really is on their side or it's just a trap. Looking forward to the next part, as usual :)
Ioana
Comment Written 26-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2016
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Thank you so much, Ioana. I'm glad you are following the story, and lending your advice and support.
Yes, is she on the side of good or bad? Gotta trust someone, though, dead or otherwise.
Thanks again,
Rhonda
Comment from Sandisan
An interesting storyline. You write very well and are very descriptive.
I like that the girls are helping to rescue their friend, stories that
have a moral compass are enjoyable reading.
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2016
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An interesting storyline. You write very well and are very descriptive.
I like that the girls are helping to rescue their friend, stories that
have a moral compass are enjoyable reading.
Comment Written 26-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2016
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Thank you so much, and the moral compass was the original intention of these stories when my father told them to my sister and myself long ago and far away!
