Comment from ioana.u

Excellent

It's a great story and you managed to blend the paranormal with the painful reality. Though it seems by the feeling she had to go pick up her daughter, maybe the paranormal talent didn't skip a generation.

 Comment Written 20-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 20-Apr-2016

Thank you so much for your review. Your right , maybe her paranormal gift just wasn't as strong but was still there. Maybe all of us have that gift, hidden beneath the surface.

Comment from giraffmang

Excellent

Hi there,

That truly is evil and it does walk the earth in the form of mankind. I very affecting piece.

known as a seer - a seer is a clairvoyant who claims to see into the future. What you have described would be a medium.

Just the two of us siting in tree - sitting in a tree.

she was saying. "Where is my sister?" .
- you don't need the full stop at the end here.

I tried but I couldn't get past own pain.
- past my own.

All the best
G

 Comment Written 20-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 20-Apr-2016

Thank you , I truly need you . Please keep reading what I write.

Comment from MTF1955

Excellent

That was oh so good. Kept my interest throughout. I love paranormal stories. Ghost and ghouls are some of my favorite things. Great job. Mary

 Comment Written 19-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 19-Apr-2016

Thank you so much. These prompts are helping me become the writer I want to be.

Comment from winnona

Excellent

Good artwork choice and very well written piece. While I know it is fiction it has been told realistically enough to have really happened. I think somewhere out there ,there are children that do pick up on evil like your character did. Well written.

 Comment Written 19-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 19-Apr-2016

This writing actually scared me. I felt like I could feel his anger that destroyed innocent children.

Comment from Ulla

Excellent

Hi jusylee, an awesome story, that I truly believe in because I see thing at times as well. It scares me and yet is comforting, Can't explain. I'm so sorry you lost a wee child. What can I say. As a mother I instinctively know what you had to endure.
This is flash fiction so you may want to cut it back a bit. A compelling tale. All the best. Ulla:))

 Comment Written 19-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 19-Apr-2016

fortunately the story is not true. I wanted the characters to sound real. It is sad. I wanted to connect the grandmother and the Jocelyn by both being twins and seers. I also included the Oklahoma bombing because it made such in impact on me seeing those children brought out of day care. They were so innocent.

reply by Ulla on 19-Apr-2016

Oh, I am pleased that this is not biography. For some reason I thought it was. But that doesn't change my other comments I made. Ulla:)))

Comment from Sasha

Excellent

Very nice work with this. You may want to go over it and cut down on some of the unnecessary wording since this is flash fiction. Overall, I enjoyed it very much. I found a few minor spags you may want to look over:

Feelings aren't paranormal...a little confusing. You may want to say My feelings or, the feeling I felt since you are referring to the feelings you felt.

fey...capital F because it is a name

Now I was convinced something was very wrong. ...you may want to make reference to what your daughter was singing at this point, like, "hearing that Jocelyn was repeating, I was convinced something was very wrong. "I want my Mommy. We have to leave, I was convinced something was very wrong.

 Comment Written 19-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 19-Apr-2016

thank you so much for your review. I am on my way to edit.

Comment from tony bronk

Exceptional

If I could give you two sixes, Judy, I would! This short had my full attention 100% all the way! You are such a marvelous writer, with such feeling and drama. I just will have to read your books.Mandatory! Your story is so sad, and I feel so much for you. I am sorry it happened to you and your husband. You're such a nice lady. My body is still rushing. HaHa. Exceptional! I could just go on. I believe everything you wrote. You're to "real" to make anything up. Too "good", as well. Your grandma Minnie sounds like a wonderful lady. So does your husband sound like a wonderful man. Have a happy write! Tony

 Comment Written 19-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 19-Apr-2016

Thank you for the wonderful confidence you have in my writing. when I first came to fan story in February I had so many technical errors and all of you helped me change that. Now I only have a few Spag , as you all call it, and I am so able to grow. I am learning to say what is in m heart in a clear true manner. You make me want to write more.

Comment from joannakruk

Excellent

Wow powerful. You have conveyed a very believable account and I would have absolutely thought it to be true. Isn't it such a sad state of affairs that we are surrounded by such personal hatred and lack of self worth that people are willing to allow demons to occupy,and control their soul. Where is the love? Why is it increasingly more difficult to find? What can we do as a society to intercept this negative spiral toward self annihilation? Thank you for fuelling these thoughts. Wonderful piece.
Jo

 Comment Written 19-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 19-Apr-2016

Thank you so much. These prompts bring out so much in me. I had no idea when I wrote the beginning that this would end up being about Oklahoma. I love where my thoughts led me.

Comment from Dean Kuch

Excellent

I read your author's notes first, jusylee, which I most often do to gain some insights into what I am about to read.
I couldn't agree with you more. There are real, true, honest-to-God monsters walking among us every day, disguised as human beings...


I, on the other hand, was a logical thinker, an actuary for GPM life Life.......Since "life" is a part of this companies name, it is a proper noun and should then be capitalized...

If Jocelyn tells me there is a demon near us. I will fight it with her both spiritually and emotionally.

If she tells me there is an angel in our house, I hope it has the face of my Grandmother and that she is holding Jaycee.

But

If a human demon comes in my house. I won't hesitate. I keep a loaded pistol hidden in the paneling beside my bed.

Jocelyn turned 16 yesterday.

I really enjoyed the ending of this, and I was more than a bit relieved when the mother went to get her daughter and head for home.
It's no secret what occurred that tragic day in Oklahoma City at the Fed Building. Timothy McVeigh is just one of those monsters I made mention of early on in the beginning of my review.

Good writing, jusylee, and good luck to you in the contest.



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 Comment Written 19-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 19-Apr-2016

thank you so much for the editing. When I first started writing in February on here. I had hundreds of mistakes. Now it is four or five per entry. I have learned so much. Thank you so much.

reply by Dean Kuch on 19-Apr-2016

Practice makes perfect...
You're more than welcome. :)

Comment from Sandra du Plessis

Excellent

A very beautiful imaginative story. I belief it to be true until i read your notes. It is possible to happen where we are warrned of danger and it turned out to be saved from disaster.

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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 18-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 19-Apr-2016

thank you so much for reading this for me. I appreciate your opinion so much.