Beautiful Day
just a poem69 total reviews
Comment from I am Cat
Hello sweet beautiful Linda... Looks like you've written a beautiful, lovely lot of poem here... it's gorgeous... I see you also have nearly 40 reviews and only probably two people have actually told you that these don't meet the meter of limericks... and I'm not going to be a meanie... and we are AWESOME friends... but...since I KNOW You want to learn and know and BE as amazing as you ARE! Here's what I'm going to tell you... This is an awesomely beautiful poem, but limericks? It is not... the rhyme scheme is right, but the anapestic meter is not... limericks have a wonderful weird quirky type of meter... like this:
There once was a girl from nantucket
who loved to sit on a bucket
she'd sit there all day
and faithfully pray
but one day just left and said ........it! ;)
see? ;) lolol
So that's a limerick... and here is what you can do to yours to make it a limerick... ok? I'm still giving a five, because, in the spirit of love and wonderful poetry and potlatch, we are all learning! yay! lol
I think your starting and ending lines are AWESOME it's the 3,4th lines that are the ones that need to change... they have shorter meter to them... so let's try this... ok?
a butterfly flew my way
on a lovely summer day,
a smile on my face...
he blessed me with Grace,
"hope you have some time to stay"
"My friend, what a beauty you are!
Hello! My name is Star!
let's talk awhile...
thank you for the smile...
my journey was very far."
"Hi Star! Rose, is my name...
would you like to play a game ?"
and Rose, passing by,
said, "I wish I could fly"
"come with me, let's play a game!"
See the difference of the meter in those...?
I know I changed them more than I wanted to... I tried to just remove
and not ADD anything, but I had to make it make sense... like I said, it's
mostly the 3rd and 4th lines... but some of the last lines were a little too long for the meter as well.
Does that make sense?
I hope you aren't upset, I know 40 other people just passed it by, but I didn't think i would have been much of a friend OR a reviewer if I didn't at least TRY to help some. ;)
I loves ya! (and truthfully, if I was you... i would keep the original poem you wrote.... and just NOT call it a limerick LOL of course, around here, as you can see.... no one really cares. ;)
But if you did want to learn the style, I thought I'd help. LOLOL
Love you! (mwah!)
Cat
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2016
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Hello sweet beautiful Linda... Looks like you've written a beautiful, lovely lot of poem here... it's gorgeous... I see you also have nearly 40 reviews and only probably two people have actually told you that these don't meet the meter of limericks... and I'm not going to be a meanie... and we are AWESOME friends... but...since I KNOW You want to learn and know and BE as amazing as you ARE! Here's what I'm going to tell you... This is an awesomely beautiful poem, but limericks? It is not... the rhyme scheme is right, but the anapestic meter is not... limericks have a wonderful weird quirky type of meter... like this:
There once was a girl from nantucket
who loved to sit on a bucket
she'd sit there all day
and faithfully pray
but one day just left and said ........it! ;)
see? ;) lolol
So that's a limerick... and here is what you can do to yours to make it a limerick... ok? I'm still giving a five, because, in the spirit of love and wonderful poetry and potlatch, we are all learning! yay! lol
I think your starting and ending lines are AWESOME it's the 3,4th lines that are the ones that need to change... they have shorter meter to them... so let's try this... ok?
a butterfly flew my way
on a lovely summer day,
a smile on my face...
he blessed me with Grace,
"hope you have some time to stay"
"My friend, what a beauty you are!
Hello! My name is Star!
let's talk awhile...
thank you for the smile...
my journey was very far."
"Hi Star! Rose, is my name...
would you like to play a game ?"
and Rose, passing by,
said, "I wish I could fly"
"come with me, let's play a game!"
See the difference of the meter in those...?
I know I changed them more than I wanted to... I tried to just remove
and not ADD anything, but I had to make it make sense... like I said, it's
mostly the 3rd and 4th lines... but some of the last lines were a little too long for the meter as well.
Does that make sense?
I hope you aren't upset, I know 40 other people just passed it by, but I didn't think i would have been much of a friend OR a reviewer if I didn't at least TRY to help some. ;)
I loves ya! (and truthfully, if I was you... i would keep the original poem you wrote.... and just NOT call it a limerick LOL of course, around here, as you can see.... no one really cares. ;)
But if you did want to learn the style, I thought I'd help. LOLOL
Love you! (mwah!)
Cat
Comment Written 18-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2016
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HI Sparkles, no you could not make me mad helping me...I need all the help I can get...LOL...I can see what you are saying in the poem...OK...lets get this limerick rhythm down...I will most likely just let this one ride...as I love the wording...but will work on another...
more like this...
there once was a boy named Billy
he loved to act very silly
went out in the snow
the wind it did blow
and Billy got very chili
something in that line ???
you are a wonderful friend...never worry about telling me right from wrong...and I do love the way you say...but Limericks...it's not....LOL...are you sure ??? LOL...I'll take your word for it...LOL...your a sweet heart...and I am going to try another one teacher...thank you so much for taking the time to learn me...LOL...and thank you for and awesome review Cat...love ya girl...Linda xxoo
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YES! You did it! ;) lol Mwah ;) you're awesome. lol (((((I loves ya))))))
That's too cute, btw ;)
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thank you teacher...going to try and write another...loves ya back...smiling...xxoo Linda
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I tried again to write one, and I just can't! Yours are lovely, Linda, I love the butterflies, and have bushes and trees in my garden to encourage them in. Three lovely limericks, my friend. Well done! xsx Sandra
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2016
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I tried again to write one, and I just can't! Yours are lovely, Linda, I love the butterflies, and have bushes and trees in my garden to encourage them in. Three lovely limericks, my friend. Well done! xsx Sandra
Comment Written 18-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2016
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Hi Sandra, I am still leaning the Limerick form...I am going to try again...thank you sweet angel for a wonderful review...sooooo glad you like it...love ya my friend...Linda xxoo
Comment from TAB_that's me
You rarely see a limerick as beautiful as this. I love butterflies. Great job with the limerick challenge:)
~~Teresa~~
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2016
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You rarely see a limerick as beautiful as this. I love butterflies. Great job with the limerick challenge:)
~~Teresa~~
Comment Written 18-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2016
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Hi Teresa, thank you so much sweet girl...I am still leaning the Limerick form...I love butterflies too...to me it doesn't seem there are as many as when I was a kid...sigh...thank you for a wonderful review you...love ya Linda xxoo
Comment from Gert sherwood
Smiles to you Linda
Love how you had Star and rose taking to each other. Plus your rhyme is perfect
Thank you for sharing such a gorgeous limerick
Gert
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2016
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Smiles to you Linda
Love how you had Star and rose taking to each other. Plus your rhyme is perfect
Thank you for sharing such a gorgeous limerick
Gert
Comment Written 18-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2016
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Hi Gert, thank you so much for your wonderful stars sweet lady...and for a so wonderful review...I am so glad you like it...God Bless...Love Linda xxoo
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You are welcome Linda
Gert
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smiling back at ya...xxoo Linfa xxoo
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Thank you for the smile Linda
Gert
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Hi Linda you are welcome
Gert
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A lovely poem of a butterfly called Star. The rhymimg is good. The poem tells a sweet story. It is not exactly limerick style but it works well.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2016
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A lovely poem of a butterfly called Star. The rhymimg is good. The poem tells a sweet story. It is not exactly limerick style but it works well.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2016
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HI Sandra, thank you for a great review...just my second...I'm still leaning...I think I got it now...thank you...Love Linda xxoo
Comment from Ulla
Hi there, beautiful three limericks and a joy to read. The imagery is very real and is so accomplished with the lovely artwork you've chosen. All the best. Ulla:))
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2016
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Hi there, beautiful three limericks and a joy to read. The imagery is very real and is so accomplished with the lovely artwork you've chosen. All the best. Ulla:))
Comment Written 18-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2016
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HI Ulla, I love the artwork as well...thank you so much for a great review...I am so glad you like it...love Linda xxoo
Comment from Pantygynt
A delightful poem involving a conversation between a little girl and a butterfly. It was just a touch difficult to work out who was saying what to whom. Some speech marks correctly inserted would clear that problem up.
In S1 you refer to the butterfly first as "he" line 2 then "it" line 3. Finally it turns out that the creature is a female (at least I have never heard of a boy called star). The creature's gender is not important but I think you should be consistent.
A smile he put on my face
blessing me with its Grace
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2016
|
A delightful poem involving a conversation between a little girl and a butterfly. It was just a touch difficult to work out who was saying what to whom. Some speech marks correctly inserted would clear that problem up.
In S1 you refer to the butterfly first as "he" line 2 then "it" line 3. Finally it turns out that the creature is a female (at least I have never heard of a boy called star). The creature's gender is not important but I think you should be consistent.
A smile he put on my face
blessing me with its Grace
Comment Written 18-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2016
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Hi Pantygynt, hey...I'm leanin here...LOL...my teacher( I Am Cat) is learnin...LOL...ok !!! I fixed it...thank you so much for the help...and thanks for a great review you...luff Linda xxoo
Comment from MissMerri
Limericks are always fun. Yours are not only fun, but create beautiful images in my mind... images of spring and childlike pleasures. I enjoyed reading them very much this morning. My only question arose when I read the first one:
a butterfly flew my way
on this lovely summer day
a smile he put on my face
blessing me with its Grace (question: does "its" refer to the smile or the butterfly? If the butterfly, it should be "he" to be consistent.)
hope you have some time to stay
I don't know if this is a problem or just my sleepy mind easily confused, but all things considered, I very much enjoyed these. MM
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2016
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Limericks are always fun. Yours are not only fun, but create beautiful images in my mind... images of spring and childlike pleasures. I enjoyed reading them very much this morning. My only question arose when I read the first one:
a butterfly flew my way
on this lovely summer day
a smile he put on my face
blessing me with its Grace (question: does "its" refer to the smile or the butterfly? If the butterfly, it should be "he" to be consistent.)
hope you have some time to stay
I don't know if this is a problem or just my sleepy mind easily confused, but all things considered, I very much enjoyed these. MM
Comment Written 18-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2016
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Hi Adonna, so good to see sweet lady, it would be the butterfly...I see what you mean...I think it would his Grace....thank you so very much for the help...and a great review...no it is not a problem...I am still leaning the Limerick form...I'm old...give me time...LOL...thank you...love ya girl...Linda xxoo
Comment from flylikeaneagle
L.Raven: great rhymes as new friendships develop in your poem. I like how they want to play games. I tried and had to look up rhymes and messed up my beat. Great piece for the challenge. I like the sweet photo. Well written! flylikeaneagle
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2016
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L.Raven: great rhymes as new friendships develop in your poem. I like how they want to play games. I tried and had to look up rhymes and messed up my beat. Great piece for the challenge. I like the sweet photo. Well written! flylikeaneagle
Comment Written 18-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2016
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HI Nan, I love the picture ...thank you so much for a great review...I am so glad you like it...I am still leaning...thank you sweet girl...Love Linda xxoo
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
Hi - Three lovely Limericks accompanied by a gorgeous picture. Subject matter is good and in all this is a interesting read. Well done - warm regards Dorothy
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2016
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Hi - Three lovely Limericks accompanied by a gorgeous picture. Subject matter is good and in all this is a interesting read. Well done - warm regards Dorothy
Comment Written 18-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2016
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Hi Dorothy, thank you for a great review...I am so glad you like it...warm regards to you as well....so good to see you sweet lady...love ya Linda xxoo
