Seeing Behind the Eyes
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "His Majesty"A book of poems on people.
62 total reviews
Comment from I am Cat
This is really powerful, Teresa. I especially like:
I could smell the swagger
in his exhaled breath.
very potent and I know just what you mean. I was in the moment of this.
Awesomely done and with great word choices. Loved it.
Cat
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2016
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This is really powerful, Teresa. I especially like:
I could smell the swagger
in his exhaled breath.
very potent and I know just what you mean. I was in the moment of this.
Awesomely done and with great word choices. Loved it.
Cat
Comment Written 19-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2016
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Thank you Cat:)
Comment from NJK62
Your distaste for this individual emerges strongly. There is some powerful, apt and highly effective imagery here which conveys the subjects arrogance and superciliousness: 'smell the swagger/on his breath' and 'bellowing bluster', the latter made more effective by the alliteration. I also liked the way you capture the speaker's feelings in the tone of:
Shall I bow now,
your majesty, to kiss your pearly toes?"
Well done and thanks for sharing the poem with us. Nigel.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2016
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Your distaste for this individual emerges strongly. There is some powerful, apt and highly effective imagery here which conveys the subjects arrogance and superciliousness: 'smell the swagger/on his breath' and 'bellowing bluster', the latter made more effective by the alliteration. I also liked the way you capture the speaker's feelings in the tone of:
Shall I bow now,
your majesty, to kiss your pearly toes?"
Well done and thanks for sharing the poem with us. Nigel.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2016
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Thanks for the great review:)
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Pleasure. N.
Comment from William Ross
The customer is always right, Not. I hated working with the public when I worked the stores. I used to kick the drunks out, manager gets pissed at me, told him we didn't need their crap in the store.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2016
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The customer is always right, Not. I hated working with the public when I worked the stores. I used to kick the drunks out, manager gets pissed at me, told him we didn't need their crap in the store.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2016
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lol. Thanks Bill:)
Comment from honeytree
I enjoyed reading this poem
the words written were very interesting
How you described the man is really great
in every way and his mood.
Great to read.
I have no six left
Honey tree
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2016
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I enjoyed reading this poem
the words written were very interesting
How you described the man is really great
in every way and his mood.
Great to read.
I have no six left
Honey tree
Comment Written 15-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2016
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Thanks Annie:)
Comment from mfowler
This is a fine character study. Told through the voice of one annoyed by the arrogance of public speaker, the internal voice clusters, berates, and then takes the nobler path transmitting Shalom. Fine use of free verse and observant description.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2016
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This is a fine character study. Told through the voice of one annoyed by the arrogance of public speaker, the internal voice clusters, berates, and then takes the nobler path transmitting Shalom. Fine use of free verse and observant description.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2016
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Thanks for the great review:)
Comment from tony bronk
Whee!!That is some real powerful stuff! I really got involved instantly with your climax building resentment toward this man you so do see unworthy of you (fiction). I enjoyed it very much. Have a happy day! Tony
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2016
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Whee!!That is some real powerful stuff! I really got involved instantly with your climax building resentment toward this man you so do see unworthy of you (fiction). I enjoyed it very much. Have a happy day! Tony
Comment Written 15-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2016
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Thanks so much:)
Comment from Joan E.
Thank you for letting us know that this poem is truly about an "elitist" customer who came into your store. I relished your reaction in the final lines with the reference to "Shalom" and fumigation! It's hard to allow the customer to always be right!! Cheers- Joan
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2016
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Thank you for letting us know that this poem is truly about an "elitist" customer who came into your store. I relished your reaction in the final lines with the reference to "Shalom" and fumigation! It's hard to allow the customer to always be right!! Cheers- Joan
Comment Written 15-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2016
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Thanks Joan:)
Comment from Lena Borghi
Hi Teresa,
I love this idea of composing poems that are inspired by people observing. I used to keep a notebook of people observations that I would write in waiting rooms and such. It's most interesting.
This one obviously left a strong impression, if not a pleasant one. I like the consonance of "g" in "fog of negativity" and "swagger," and the assonance in "sanctimonious podium." Good alliteration in "bellowing bluster" and good line rhyme in "bow now." I love the "pearly toes" line, but your last three lines are awesome. It's what you do with that sort of specimen.
Well done! Enjoyed this a lot.
Lena
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2016
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Hi Teresa,
I love this idea of composing poems that are inspired by people observing. I used to keep a notebook of people observations that I would write in waiting rooms and such. It's most interesting.
This one obviously left a strong impression, if not a pleasant one. I like the consonance of "g" in "fog of negativity" and "swagger," and the assonance in "sanctimonious podium." Good alliteration in "bellowing bluster" and good line rhyme in "bow now." I love the "pearly toes" line, but your last three lines are awesome. It's what you do with that sort of specimen.
Well done! Enjoyed this a lot.
Lena
Comment Written 14-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2016
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Thank you so much Lena:)
Comment from Louise Michelle
Oh, wow, this is really good, Teresa. That you are basing it on a real customer makes it that much more special. I'll bet it felt good to vent this way, haha. 'fumigating the room' is a terrific phrase - love that. Hugs, lou
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2016
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Oh, wow, this is really good, Teresa. That you are basing it on a real customer makes it that much more special. I'll bet it felt good to vent this way, haha. 'fumigating the room' is a terrific phrase - love that. Hugs, lou
Comment Written 14-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2016
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Thank you Lou:)
Comment from Liberty Justice
Such energy of a elderly man who still has spunk. Told with great admiration and wonderful surprise of this man's ability to appeal to crowd. liberty justice
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2016
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Such energy of a elderly man who still has spunk. Told with great admiration and wonderful surprise of this man's ability to appeal to crowd. liberty justice
Comment Written 14-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2016
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Thanks for the great review:)
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Check me out. thanks
