Comment from Ulla

Excellent

Hi jusylee, What a powerful written poem. I had to sit back a little while to process it all. A very strong write describing real heart break. You broke free and that is truly marvelous , but so many never do. All the best in the contest. This is a very strong entry. All the best. Ulla:))

 Comment Written 14-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 14-Apr-2016

Thank you so much. Life is wonderful now. Sometimes we have to learn through pain.

reply by Ulla on 14-Apr-2016

I am so happy for you that you have a wonderful life. And you are so right about through pain we learn. All the best. Ulla:))

Comment from Kazzawin

Excellent

Wow!
Powerful picture painted.....I am sure there are women everywhere who can relate to this. I read your author's notes and I am glad that you have found a life worthy of you.
This is an empowering piece for anyone in the same position.
Thank you so much for sharing,
God Bless : )

 Comment Written 14-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 14-Apr-2016

Thank you so much. Yes I have a wonderful life now. Sometimes we have to learn through pain.

Comment from chcbeck

Excellent

I like the picture of glass in relation to a broken relationship. A great contest entry. The poem flows really well and I love the break used with speech. People crave stability and want to protect our children even if that means making yourself miserable. Good look in the contest.

 Comment Written 13-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 13-Apr-2016

Thank you so much. Life is wonderful now.

Comment from Chris Walker

Excellent

Very strong and emotionally moving poem. Your rhyme and rhythm are excellent. I loved "twisted turns revolving in a want to love him mind." Really wonderful word craft throughout this piece. Thanks for sharing. Chris

 Comment Written 12-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016

Thank you so much. I had a hard time back then but life is wonderful now.

Comment from Ima L. Ami

Excellent

This is fantastic! I love the rhythm and the rhyme. The flow of words is perfect. Too bad that this is all too true too often. Thank you for sharing and good luck to you in the contest.

 Comment Written 12-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016

thank you so much , Life is wonderful now.

Comment from Dustybones

Excellent

wisted turns revolving
In a want to love him mind.
I think him should be his.
Otherwise the poem is very long. It does a good job telling the trials of love and heatbreak. Cya

 Comment Written 12-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016

Thank you , it was a hard tell but life is great now.

Comment from robyn corum

Excellent

Hi, Judy.

Wow. What a powerful write! Loved the verbiage and phrasing - made the scenes come to life in a realistic and horrible way. My only suggestions would be to clean up with a tiny bit of editing - adding commas, etc, where needed and keeping the upper and lower-casing of the letters consistent. Secondly, to increase the size of the font - done with the Advanced Editor.

Great work and this should do well in the contest. Favorite lines:

Twisted turns revolving
In a want to love him mind.

In deep despair her sadness dwells
she follows him straight into hell.

As comfort is a woman's way
and giving is her notion.
The girl child taught to love a man
her heart an empty ocean.

 Comment Written 12-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016

Thank you , I will definitely go back and clean some things up. I truly appreciate reviews. I have learned so much.

Comment from Pantygynt

Excellent

Although this has a strong sense of rhyme running through it, it would be difficult to apply the usual alphabetical description of a rhyme scheme. The first stanza depicting the orderly home with a place for everything and everything in its place is a predictable abcbdefe. The second stanza also of eight lines of similar length is differenced abcdbefe. This would appear to be a deliberate move perhaps to reflect the chaos it describes. However there is no other point in the poem where anything similar takes place, and I am left very much in two minds about it.

 Comment Written 12-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016

I understand your concern. I tend to write Prosetry. I don't fit with the poets or the prosers, if that is a word. I do think the change in rhyme and meter is important in this poem as each section depicts something differently. I so appreciate your honesty. I would like to know is that what people want strict adherence to rules or is it ok to have your own rhyme scheme and vary it to the poems need. I know when given guidelines I can write in that style but if it just says poetry, any style then I sometimes like to write otherwise. I cherish your honest critiques, please keep them coming. Thanks, Judy

reply by Pantygynt on 12-Apr-2016

Unless there is a requirement to write in a particular style you are free to choose. I like to see a unity in a poem - something that holds it together, it may be rhyme or the lack of it. It may be rhythm or the lack of it. This didn't flow in that second stanza because of the way in which the established unity was broken. That it changed again later didn't worry me. But these things are subjective. Mine is only one opinion.

reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016

This is the kind of critique I need to hear thank you so much.

Comment from TPAC

Excellent

Excellent conveyance of writer's poetic talents. W rite thought-provoking in its appeal, touching in statement to me: I found pleasing in its read.

 Comment Written 12-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016

thank you , I needed to write it. Life is wonderful now.

Comment from dmt1967

Excellent

I used to be abused by my first boyfriend and there are two reasons why I stayed. One, I always thought he would change and two, I was too young to know any better. This is a great poem. Good luck in the contest and thank you for sharing.

 Comment Written 12-Apr-2016

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reply by the author on 12-Apr-2016

Thank you so much. Life is wonderful now.