Prosetry
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Wind"Story telling poems
25 total reviews
Comment from LIJ Red
The prompt seemed to ask us to create our own mythology about the wind, and you have done just that in smooth-rolling free verse. Excellent.
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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The prompt seemed to ask us to create our own mythology about the wind, and you have done just that in smooth-rolling free verse. Excellent.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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thank you so much for welcoming into this forum. I look forward to next Saturday.l
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Judy. This is an emotionally-charged poem for sure. Lots of strong verbs in the telling. I liked these lines inparticular:
"my name was spoken
Wind
I was small
but my cry was loud
and my mothers eyes filled with love...."
I would only suggest that you somehow breaak this apart into four line stanzas to make it more "reader friendly" Blessings. good job. Bob
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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Hi, Judy. This is an emotionally-charged poem for sure. Lots of strong verbs in the telling. I liked these lines inparticular:
"my name was spoken
Wind
I was small
but my cry was loud
and my mothers eyes filled with love...."
I would only suggest that you somehow breaak this apart into four line stanzas to make it more "reader friendly" Blessings. good job. Bob
Comment Written 03-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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thank you so much. I will definitely think about separating them so that the story can be told better.
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:) I think youwill like it better, too. Bob
Comment from William Ross
this is a great response to the potlatch great job on the free verse and tour poem on wind and it's beginnings and meaning. thanks for the share.
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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this is a great response to the potlatch great job on the free verse and tour poem on wind and it's beginnings and meaning. thanks for the share.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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Thank you so much, I have learned so much in my one month on Fan Story, the wonderful editing. The first story I put on I had about 20 to 30 punctuation problems, now I am catching most of them before I post. Thank you so much.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That was a lovely poem to read, there are so many amazing entries in this challenge it has been a pleasure to read them all. So many imaginative thoughts on wind. Well done on yours, it was really lovely. xsx Sandra
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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That was a lovely poem to read, there are so many amazing entries in this challenge it has been a pleasure to read them all. So many imaginative thoughts on wind. Well done on yours, it was really lovely. xsx Sandra
Comment Written 03-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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Thank you , I have found a home on Fan Story. People who honestly critique while encouraging me. Thank you so much.
Comment from melyuki
Hi Judy thanks so much for sharing this amazing verse ' wind'. It is extremely moving and emotional and seems to have much depth of meaning within all the words.. Your descriptive thoughts tell an interesting story which allow the reader to use his/her own perception as we relate to your poem .
it is rumored throughout the tribe
that when they feel a soft warm wind
it is me
I love those lines.. they speak volumes in many ways
The entire verse captures my attention and leads me into an emotionally charged journey within my own mind.. thank you for sharing.. beautifully written
happy smiles from mel xxx
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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Hi Judy thanks so much for sharing this amazing verse ' wind'. It is extremely moving and emotional and seems to have much depth of meaning within all the words.. Your descriptive thoughts tell an interesting story which allow the reader to use his/her own perception as we relate to your poem .
it is rumored throughout the tribe
that when they feel a soft warm wind
it is me
I love those lines.. they speak volumes in many ways
The entire verse captures my attention and leads me into an emotionally charged journey within my own mind.. thank you for sharing.. beautifully written
happy smiles from mel xxx
Comment Written 03-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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I appreciate that so much. I loved the challenge they offered "The myth of the Wind" It was so much fun writing it. Thank you. I have found a home at FanStory. My step son and my best friend both died last November. I wrote about it my poem " Grief" Krissie my best friend was the only one I was willing to share my writings with. She was an English teacher at my school. I think she led me to this site so that I could continue to write.
Comment from sunnilicious
Lovely storytelling in a poem. Well thought out and nicely written. I like the change of emotional pace. Gripping and wanting to know more. This wind sure is mysterious and sometimes more emotionally than people. Great work
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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Lovely storytelling in a poem. Well thought out and nicely written. I like the change of emotional pace. Gripping and wanting to know more. This wind sure is mysterious and sometimes more emotionally than people. Great work
Comment Written 03-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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Thank you so much. You truly made me smile with the six stars. I am learning so much from the people on Fan Story.
Comment from ~Dovey
Hi Jusylee,
I really enjoyed the tale you've woven of the birth of the wind. I especially enjoyed these lines:
I was a force that could not be tamed
not a silent wind
not a dangerous wind
a fierce determined wind
that would blow across life
with the desire to change it
I picked up the earth and threw it in the air
And then in the end, how they lament her in her grave:
it is rumored throughout the tribe
that when they feel a soft warm wind
it is me
calling from the sadness of my grave
letting them know
that I will find a way to escape the earth
and return to them
So clever and inventive.
Great work in a short timeframe!
Kim
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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Hi Jusylee,
I really enjoyed the tale you've woven of the birth of the wind. I especially enjoyed these lines:
I was a force that could not be tamed
not a silent wind
not a dangerous wind
a fierce determined wind
that would blow across life
with the desire to change it
I picked up the earth and threw it in the air
And then in the end, how they lament her in her grave:
it is rumored throughout the tribe
that when they feel a soft warm wind
it is me
calling from the sadness of my grave
letting them know
that I will find a way to escape the earth
and return to them
So clever and inventive.
Great work in a short timeframe!
Kim
Comment Written 02-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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Thank you so much. So many of you on fan story have helped me start to become the writer I want to be. I lost both my step son and my best friend Krissie in Novermber. Krissie was and English teacher at my school, I would trust her with what i wrote an she would help me edit it.
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This is a great community of tremendously helpful writers. There is a lot to be learned. I'm sorry to hear of your loss. Writing is a great way to move forward.
Comment from ciliverde
Gorgeous ending! Wind as a benevolent goddess, struck down by another (not sure who this evil one is)
this whole part is just wonderful:
"I escape slowly from the earthen grave
one slight breeze at a time
it is rumored throughout the tribe
that when they feel a soft warm wind
it is me
calling from the sadness of my grave
letting them know
that I will find a way to escape the earth
and return to them"
Very nice job here,
Carol
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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Gorgeous ending! Wind as a benevolent goddess, struck down by another (not sure who this evil one is)
this whole part is just wonderful:
"I escape slowly from the earthen grave
one slight breeze at a time
it is rumored throughout the tribe
that when they feel a soft warm wind
it is me
calling from the sadness of my grave
letting them know
that I will find a way to escape the earth
and return to them"
Very nice job here,
Carol
Comment Written 02-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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Thank you, My mind just took off telling the story I didn't even edit it. What a gift you people are to me.
Comment from CD Richards
I really like this legend that you have created. This is one of my favourite bits:
not a silent wind
not a dangerous wind
a fierce determined wind
that would blow across life
with the desire to change it
A great piece of work, and not insubstantial, given only an hour!
Well done,
Craig
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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I really like this legend that you have created. This is one of my favourite bits:
not a silent wind
not a dangerous wind
a fierce determined wind
that would blow across life
with the desire to change it
A great piece of work, and not insubstantial, given only an hour!
Well done,
Craig
Comment Written 02-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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thank you so much. My mind just ran away with it. You all are such a gift to me.
Comment from C.J. 16
Great job on this free verse poem Judy. Very imaginative and descriptive. Amazing that you wrote it so quickly. All the best.
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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Great job on this free verse poem Judy. Very imaginative and descriptive. Amazing that you wrote it so quickly. All the best.
Comment Written 02-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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Thank you my mind just ran away from me. It was so much fun. Everyone of you is a gift to me. I have been so sad with the death of my best friend and my step son. and this is helping me so much.
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I am so sorry to hear about the deaths of two people so close to you.
Best wishes to you.
