Man's Great Folly
Viewing comments for Chapter 17 "Siren Song of Spring"environmental poems
64 total reviews
Comment from catch22
Hi VT, I thought the poem was well done overall. I loved the tongue in cheek and surgical approach to the learned professors at the university--kind of shows a clash of knowledge and fact versus taboo and superstition. I think you are saying that our Id is at war with our Superego--or biology at war with reason and intellect. This is something I can definitely relate to. The reason I did not award a six is because the short lines made the flow choppy and the reading was staccato. The change in tone from the beginning to the poet at the last part was excellent though. A lovely piece for the project.
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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Hi VT, I thought the poem was well done overall. I loved the tongue in cheek and surgical approach to the learned professors at the university--kind of shows a clash of knowledge and fact versus taboo and superstition. I think you are saying that our Id is at war with our Superego--or biology at war with reason and intellect. This is something I can definitely relate to. The reason I did not award a six is because the short lines made the flow choppy and the reading was staccato. The change in tone from the beginning to the poet at the last part was excellent though. A lovely piece for the project.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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Thank you. I aprreciate it.
Comment from lightink
Hi Doug,
After a little delay, I'm very please to give you this very well deserved six star review!
I LOVE what you created here.
The first part mixes the stark reality with a lovely sense of humor.
Also, it's scientifically VERY accurate! I studied an awful lot of microbiology and biochemistry at my university :)... were you really a science major?
The "introduction" alone is extremely powerful and I love your comedian yet ver serious voice...
Then, you switch with a sudden shift - immersing yourself (and your readers) in an overwhelming beauty! It's poetic, It's spiritual it's alive..
And the wisdom of the ending is priceless!
"We have man
and we have nature-
And only the nature
of man
holds us back."
This poem was definitely love at first sight...
I just noticed something, and I can't believe I that I was so deeply into reading this that I missed this - even though I read it more than 10 times...
You remember the expression I gave you?
"enriched with beauty" or "enriching beauty" or any grammatical derivative of this...
"Beauty" made it into the poem at a very pivotal line...
However "enriched" or "enriching" or even just merely "rich" is completely missing. I tried to find a good spot in you poem for any of these but I didn't find.
At some point, will take a look - your keen eyes might find a way to insert that word... I'm so sorry that I noticed this so late...
This has nothing to do with the overall quality of this poem - it's just a way to keep all poems interconnected...
You don't have to do it right now... maybe within a few weeks - so, that I can try to get the whole book published as an interconnected thing...
Again, your poem is perfect as is.
I love your voice, your playfulness, your wisdom.
One can feel your soul through this!
Thank you so much for joining this project!
It was a joy to have you there!
Warmly,
J
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
 |
Hi Doug,
After a little delay, I'm very please to give you this very well deserved six star review!
I LOVE what you created here.
The first part mixes the stark reality with a lovely sense of humor.
Also, it's scientifically VERY accurate! I studied an awful lot of microbiology and biochemistry at my university :)... were you really a science major?
The "introduction" alone is extremely powerful and I love your comedian yet ver serious voice...
Then, you switch with a sudden shift - immersing yourself (and your readers) in an overwhelming beauty! It's poetic, It's spiritual it's alive..
And the wisdom of the ending is priceless!
"We have man
and we have nature-
And only the nature
of man
holds us back."
This poem was definitely love at first sight...
I just noticed something, and I can't believe I that I was so deeply into reading this that I missed this - even though I read it more than 10 times...
You remember the expression I gave you?
"enriched with beauty" or "enriching beauty" or any grammatical derivative of this...
"Beauty" made it into the poem at a very pivotal line...
However "enriched" or "enriching" or even just merely "rich" is completely missing. I tried to find a good spot in you poem for any of these but I didn't find.
At some point, will take a look - your keen eyes might find a way to insert that word... I'm so sorry that I noticed this so late...
This has nothing to do with the overall quality of this poem - it's just a way to keep all poems interconnected...
You don't have to do it right now... maybe within a few weeks - so, that I can try to get the whole book published as an interconnected thing...
Again, your poem is perfect as is.
I love your voice, your playfulness, your wisdom.
One can feel your soul through this!
Thank you so much for joining this project!
It was a joy to have you there!
Warmly,
J
Comment Written 03-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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Thank you for such a wonderful review, Jyoti. I think...I have fallen in love with that name. It's so unique. As I'm sure the bearer of is also. (that was a good non-aggressive flirt, that can be denied if need be) (uh, was I thinking outloud again?) Yes, I graduated (really) from the College of Liberal Arts and Sciences. As to the required phrase, uh...I remain a rebel? No, truth be told, I forgot. Yup. Me. I know, not all that surprising, eh? Wonderful time. Wonderful project. Doug
Comment from Wabigoon
Victor--
I believe I read the first part of this, like the second better. I like Professor Degradable. The more things like that the better. I like how you have concluded this. Bravely, Not sure you have solved the dilemmas of Eden, but at least you have us back there, feet in the soil, the possibility of spring. Thanks.
Have no sixes.
Best
Wabigoon/Jeff
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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Victor--
I believe I read the first part of this, like the second better. I like Professor Degradable. The more things like that the better. I like how you have concluded this. Bravely, Not sure you have solved the dilemmas of Eden, but at least you have us back there, feet in the soil, the possibility of spring. Thanks.
Have no sixes.
Best
Wabigoon/Jeff
Comment Written 02-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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Thank you, Jeff. Loved your observations. (I usually do) :) Doug
Comment from joannakruk
Great piece and yes you can do it and you did haha. I really like the stanza :God forbid one was
born female
and Chinese''
One of the greatest predicaments to some, an unfortunate state of affairs. Ridiculous and unfair to be shunned by virtue of one's gender (oftentimes killed because of it too!)
Very confronting statement that only the nature of man holds us back - love it.
Thank you for sharing this very unique piece!
Jo :)
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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Great piece and yes you can do it and you did haha. I really like the stanza :God forbid one was
born female
and Chinese''
One of the greatest predicaments to some, an unfortunate state of affairs. Ridiculous and unfair to be shunned by virtue of one's gender (oftentimes killed because of it too!)
Very confronting statement that only the nature of man holds us back - love it.
Thank you for sharing this very unique piece!
Jo :)
Comment Written 02-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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Thank you, my dear Jo.
Comment from ~Dovey
Hi Victor,
I love that you did this poem in two parts, Bravo! I find this to be an impactful free verse and commentary on the issues faced with our planet today. These contrasting points compliment each other well and speak to your issue perfectly:
Professor Degradable
informed us
that the greatest
threat to our planet was...
overpopulation.
And only the nature
of man
holds us back.
Great work!
Kim
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
|
Hi Victor,
I love that you did this poem in two parts, Bravo! I find this to be an impactful free verse and commentary on the issues faced with our planet today. These contrasting points compliment each other well and speak to your issue perfectly:
Professor Degradable
informed us
that the greatest
threat to our planet was...
overpopulation.
And only the nature
of man
holds us back.
Great work!
Kim
Comment Written 02-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
-
Thank you, Kim.
Comment from CDyer
So many good lines throughout the entire poem. Great presentation as part one and part two. Either could stand alone, but part one is a great set up for the second. Loved the "my heart reopens, as do the caves of hibernation." I thought you were going to go poetically flowery until I read "We have answers and political impediments." Your last lines "We have man and we have nature-
And only the nature of man holds us back. " = Genius! Very thought-provoking in its entirety.
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
|
So many good lines throughout the entire poem. Great presentation as part one and part two. Either could stand alone, but part one is a great set up for the second. Loved the "my heart reopens, as do the caves of hibernation." I thought you were going to go poetically flowery until I read "We have answers and political impediments." Your last lines "We have man and we have nature-
And only the nature of man holds us back. " = Genius! Very thought-provoking in its entirety.
Comment Written 02-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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Thank you so very much. You are the second person, I believe who was afraid I would plunge into syrup, as it were. I'm afraid the title of the poem has, perhaps, been a disservice. However, I am so used to being deceptive with my titles, I never gave it a thought. Very nice review. Thank you.
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
What a beautiful poem, rich with lessons from Biology/microbiology, to an appreciation of the beauty we still have here on Earth. I'm a microbiologist, along with Chemistry teacher, and I understand what happens to a colony of microbes. I just hope man with a brain, and a God who cares, has a greater future than that. But, like you said, no worry about that today--today we can enjoy.
Well done,
Rhonda
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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What a beautiful poem, rich with lessons from Biology/microbiology, to an appreciation of the beauty we still have here on Earth. I'm a microbiologist, along with Chemistry teacher, and I understand what happens to a colony of microbes. I just hope man with a brain, and a God who cares, has a greater future than that. But, like you said, no worry about that today--today we can enjoy.
Well done,
Rhonda
Comment Written 02-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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Ha! My first true love was a microbiologist/geneticist. I'm sure you do have a handle/perspective on what happens to a bacterial colony. LOL It tickles me to "meet" a similarly (at least at the undergraduate level) educated person on this site. I must say, over the years, when in any type of discussion over wine and dinner...my biological background keeps being pertinent to the discussion, and adds to a logical argument. In fact, I still have trouble believing how often I use
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I find it wildly attractive!
Comment from Edgar Terrance
I thought this poem had a very smooth flow and intriguing way of telling it. The words you were you used were so beyond Earth, it felt like I was in a space ship gazing at the perfect arrangement of planets. Good work.
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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I thought this poem had a very smooth flow and intriguing way of telling it. The words you were you used were so beyond Earth, it felt like I was in a space ship gazing at the perfect arrangement of planets. Good work.
Comment Written 02-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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Thank you.
Comment from Oatmeal
The beginning of this poem sounded very strange to me. I guess it is just me.
Thoughts are expressed and described well. Very enchanted atmosphere, non-judgmental, thought provoking, very enjoyable and thrilling.
There was no SPAG, no typos, the first line just was weird.
I look forward to seeing you again.
Love you,
Oatmeal
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
|
The beginning of this poem sounded very strange to me. I guess it is just me.
Thoughts are expressed and described well. Very enchanted atmosphere, non-judgmental, thought provoking, very enjoyable and thrilling.
There was no SPAG, no typos, the first line just was weird.
I look forward to seeing you again.
Love you,
Oatmeal
Comment Written 02-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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Thank you my dear.
Comment from Cumbrianlass
Well, I have to say that your poem is the most original of all these I've read. I love the tongue-in-cheek humour of the first part: the reference to streaking and the somewhat darker reference to swimming lessons. Then the very different second part. This:
Yet you and I
don't realize
that hand in hand,
our feet in dirt...
we have Eden
right here on Earth.
...brought tears to my eyes.
That final stanza could not be more perfect in demonstrating what is wrong with the human race.
Exceptional work to which I regret I can only offer an excellent rating.
Av
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
|
Well, I have to say that your poem is the most original of all these I've read. I love the tongue-in-cheek humour of the first part: the reference to streaking and the somewhat darker reference to swimming lessons. Then the very different second part. This:
Yet you and I
don't realize
that hand in hand,
our feet in dirt...
we have Eden
right here on Earth.
...brought tears to my eyes.
That final stanza could not be more perfect in demonstrating what is wrong with the human race.
Exceptional work to which I regret I can only offer an excellent rating.
Av
Comment Written 02-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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That's quite ok. I do write in an attempt to move people. You've just made my day. Thank you.
