Comment from kathleenspalding

Excellent

Really nice and positive story. Very enjoyable. Kept my interest. Saw a few typos:

Two consecutive sentences beginning with 'This was...' in the second paragraph

Two consecutive sentences beginning with He had... In fourth paragraph

Mitchell looked at Tessa...period goes inside quotation marks.

Tessa nodded yes....capitalize But...

Their first words...comma goes inside the quotation marks. Probably don't need the Hello?(it's only one word?)

That's it. Great job!

 Comment Written 02-Apr-2016

---

reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016

Love when people edit for me. My punctuation is getting better every day. One my first pieces had so many mistakes they couldn't write them in one review. Progress. I will print your critique and go back and change this Thank you so much.

reply by kathleenspalding on 03-Apr-2016

You're welcome. :-)

Comment from BruceMiller

Exceptional

Thank you for my first feel-good story of the day. This is a beautiful story , simply told that has a tremendous ring of truth about it. Good luck in the contest. Cheers.

 Comment Written 02-Apr-2016

---

reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016

Thank you for reading. I have discovered that I like to write to other people's prompts. It fascinates me what can come from a small suggestion.

Comment from aryr

Excellent

Oh my, what a delightful story. You have written in a way that I was a third party listening in and watching the events unfold. It is sad that life is like that but you presented it well. Thank you and good luck.

 Comment Written 02-Apr-2016

---

reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016

Thank you so much. I enjoyed writing it. I love the support and criticism I get on this Fan Story site.

reply by aryr on 02-Apr-2016

welcome

Comment from johngie

Excellent

Dear Mystery Writer,

After wiping the tears out of my eyes, I have to give you two thumbs up for your story. I have never heard of orphans being adopted like this.

I found your story heartwarming and really want to hear more. Thank you so much for sharing this with us here.

Best of luck in the competition.

 Comment Written 02-Apr-2016

---

reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016

Thank you so much. The Orphan Trains actually existed. If you look them up you will find how they took children to rural areas hoping families would take them in. Some of them were adopted and truly love. Some of them were taken in by families that wanted farm workers. It is truly a part of history. Now a days, they do have get social events for orphans to meet families who want to adopt. Thank you for reading.

t

Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell

Excellent

I wish I had a six left for you, this was an amazing story, and I really enjoyed reading it. I hoped all the way through, they would end up together, and you didn't disappoint me. It was a charming story and had everything in it that I like to read, including a happy ending. Good luck in the contest. :) ~Sandra xx

 Comment Written 01-Apr-2016

---

reply by the author on 01-Apr-2016

Thank you so much. I have discovered I like have a prompt and then try to do something with it. I am getting so much support from Fan Story. Thank you.

Comment from lindafisher

Excellent

This is an absolutely lovely story that pulls at the heartstrings. I like that they still remember and find each other after many years. Good luck with this in the contest.

 Comment Written 31-Mar-2016

---

reply by the author on 31-Mar-2016

Thank you so much. I really enjoyed writing it. You are wonderful thank you.

Comment from DonandVicki

Excellent

You did well with this prompt and made a fine flash fiction out of this. You have an excellent way of ending the chapter keeping the reader wanting more. A very smooth read and you know how to pull the reader in

 Comment Written 31-Mar-2016

---

reply by the author on 31-Mar-2016

Thank you so much. I am learning so much on Fan Story. I have only been here a little over two weeks. I am getting better at punctuation. I love the editing.

Comment from giraffmang

Excellent

Hi there,

I think you did a very good job with this prompt. It is very tired out and difficult to ganrer a decent story from these days but you managed it. the writing was warm and engaging.

I'm not going with out you - without.

she can keep on her - in her.

Who did he think he was acting like an eleven year old grown up? - this is a little awkwardly phrased. Perhaps a comma or semi colon after like?

and the do all their chores - they do.

the young couple said, " It was so nice to meet you." - either a full stop after said, or a small 'i' for it.

"See," Mitchell said, "That wasn't - same here.

All the best
GMG

 Comment Written 30-Mar-2016

---

reply by the author on 30-Mar-2016

You are the best editor in the business. These will be corrected this afternoon when I get home. I am so grateful.

Comment from Cass Carlton

Excellent

This is a good start to a longer story. Chapter 2 is where they find Baby John. His life hasn't been as happy as it might have been and they need to --------Etc . Go for it. Great stuff Well done cheers Cass

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 30-Mar-2016

---

reply by the author on 30-Mar-2016

You just gave me a great idea. I didn't think about that. The Baby who was adopted first could be the one with the most problems.
Thank you so much

Comment from MTF1955

Excellent

I totally enjoyed this story. Your characters were well written. I look forward to the next part and where it will lead the two of them. Great job. Mary

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 29-Mar-2016

---

reply by the author on 29-Mar-2016

Thank you so much. I enjoyed writing it. I hope to get to know you and your writing.