Their Stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "The Bench "Five Stories of Life
20 total reviews
Comment from apky
This is the first time I'm reading something by you, and I thoroughly enjoyed it.
You write very well and your characters are easy to empathise with.
I know the so so-called rules of show-not-tell, but I believe there are times and situations when a writer can break certain rules very successfully, if you see what I mean.
I see above that there are other chapters to this story. I intend to go back and read them if they're part of this story.
Apky
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2017
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This is the first time I'm reading something by you, and I thoroughly enjoyed it.
You write very well and your characters are easy to empathise with.
I know the so so-called rules of show-not-tell, but I believe there are times and situations when a writer can break certain rules very successfully, if you see what I mean.
I see above that there are other chapters to this story. I intend to go back and read them if they're part of this story.
Apky
Comment Written 05-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2017
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thank you for your thoughtful review. They are other stories about interesting characters. I hope you read them , I so appreciate people like you.
Comment from Nikki-Nicole
First of all, CONGRATULATIONS for winning the contest.
After reading this thriller, I can see why it was the winner.
It's an entertaining story.
Well-written.
The image shown supports the story.
Thanks for sharing.
Good luck with your future writing.
-Nicole-
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2017
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First of all, CONGRATULATIONS for winning the contest.
After reading this thriller, I can see why it was the winner.
It's an entertaining story.
Well-written.
The image shown supports the story.
Thanks for sharing.
Good luck with your future writing.
-Nicole-
Comment Written 05-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2017
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thank you Nikki It was a long time ago , my first actual win I think and I have learned so much on this site.
Comment from JDRBAR
So far, no adoptive couple looked past the facial flaw and chose her to live with them.(facial flaw OR chose her )
Tessa nodded yes, (Period, then new sentence) with tears in her eyes she spoke softly, "but I don't want to leave you, Mitchell, (period here then new sentence) I love you. I would miss you."
I also have a tendency towards passive voice, so if there is any, I didn't notice it LOL
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2017
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So far, no adoptive couple looked past the facial flaw and chose her to live with them.(facial flaw OR chose her )
Tessa nodded yes, (Period, then new sentence) with tears in her eyes she spoke softly, "but I don't want to leave you, Mitchell, (period here then new sentence) I love you. I would miss you."
I also have a tendency towards passive voice, so if there is any, I didn't notice it LOL
Comment Written 02-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 03-Jul-2017
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thank you so much for a helpful review.
Comment from Number11
Really beautiful writing. I was close to tears at the end and as simply as it was written it captures me as a reader and hauls me along as fast as I can go. The childlike simplicity sounds both authentic and powerful. Well done.
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2017
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Really beautiful writing. I was close to tears at the end and as simply as it was written it captures me as a reader and hauls me along as fast as I can go. The childlike simplicity sounds both authentic and powerful. Well done.
Comment Written 02-Jul-2017
reply by the author on 02-Jul-2017
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thank you so much. I have learned so much on this site and have grown so much and still continue to work on writing my thoughts. Thank you for the encouragement.
Comment from Cry the Vile Rebel
What I like best about this story is its hopeful ending. Tessa and Mitchell have found each other and will be looking for John. You took an wide-open prompt and built a tale that has a lot of potential for a sequel. One small suggestion for an edit would be to use the adverb "well" instead of the adjective "good" in the sentence "They were now in their twenties and had done pretty good for themselves." Congradulations on the win : ) -CtVRx
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2016
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What I like best about this story is its hopeful ending. Tessa and Mitchell have found each other and will be looking for John. You took an wide-open prompt and built a tale that has a lot of potential for a sequel. One small suggestion for an edit would be to use the adverb "well" instead of the adjective "good" in the sentence "They were now in their twenties and had done pretty good for themselves." Congradulations on the win : ) -CtVRx
Comment Written 03-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2016
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thank you so much, I learned so much from writing this. That is why I am on Fan story. People like you. thank you.
Comment from prettybluebirds
Excellent. You did a great job with the writing prompt. This is a heart touching story. I loved the way you ended it. It is refreshing to read something that has such a wonderful ending. Good work.
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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Excellent. You did a great job with the writing prompt. This is a heart touching story. I loved the way you ended it. It is refreshing to read something that has such a wonderful ending. Good work.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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Thank you I think it's fun to write with other peoples prompts and see what comes out of them. It has truly challenged me.
Comment from William Ross
what a wonderful story about a family split by adoptions and reuniting again after adulthood, never have forgotten the love they had for one another Written great a wonderful read, good luck on this and have a wonderful day.
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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what a wonderful story about a family split by adoptions and reuniting again after adulthood, never have forgotten the love they had for one another Written great a wonderful read, good luck on this and have a wonderful day.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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Thank you so much. I have discovered that I like to take other peoples prompts like this one and see where it goes.
Comment from Jonesy
Extremely well done. This is the kind of writing not seen that often on Fanstory, where there's no way to tell the difference between this and a published story. A well-received and professional published story, that is.
Good luck in the contest. Wouldn't be surprised if this is the winner.
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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Extremely well done. This is the kind of writing not seen that often on Fanstory, where there's no way to tell the difference between this and a published story. A well-received and professional published story, that is.
Good luck in the contest. Wouldn't be surprised if this is the winner.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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Thank you so much. I am new to this site.( one month)and the support I am getting, the true editing, the new friendships. all of these are amazing. I so thank you.
Comment from mfowler
You had the heartstrings aflutter with this emotive and compassionate response to the prompt. The story is like a saga which sees orphaned friends finally reunited on a bench where they'd agreed to meet as children. The background stories were so sad that the reader could not help but cheer for the kids. They treated each other with such love that the story was bound to end happily. Loved your character development, especially that of smooth talking Mitchell. Best of luck with this lovely story.
Two SPAGs
had looked pass the facial flaw ..past
"Hello", but...put comma inside the speech marks
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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You had the heartstrings aflutter with this emotive and compassionate response to the prompt. The story is like a saga which sees orphaned friends finally reunited on a bench where they'd agreed to meet as children. The background stories were so sad that the reader could not help but cheer for the kids. They treated each other with such love that the story was bound to end happily. Loved your character development, especially that of smooth talking Mitchell. Best of luck with this lovely story.
Two SPAGs
had looked pass the facial flaw ..past
"Hello", but...put comma inside the speech marks
Comment Written 03-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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Thank you so much for the edit. That is the true gift of Fan Story. You make my heart aflutter with your review.
Comment from winnona
Your artwork completed the story well. I think you completed the challenge of the contest well. Good luck in the contest. You gave enough descriptions and details to bring the story to life for the reader.
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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Your artwork completed the story well. I think you completed the challenge of the contest well. Good luck in the contest. You gave enough descriptions and details to bring the story to life for the reader.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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thank you so much. I am discovering that I like to write to other peoples prompts. All of you are helping me.
