Buttons
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Buttons"Revenge for molestation
28 total reviews
Comment from foxangie123
I really remember reading this before. Sometimes it is just me recognizing the writing qualities of the author. So really remembering to me could be wrong:). Excellent then and now.
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2016
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I really remember reading this before. Sometimes it is just me recognizing the writing qualities of the author. So really remembering to me could be wrong:). Excellent then and now.
Comment Written 04-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2016
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When I first wrote it I kept switching back and forth with out realizing to first person Third person. But with the help of people on Fan Story I was able to go back and begin to fix it. I learned more in two weeks on here at that time than I ever learned in school. It is getting better every time someone helps me with it.
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I'm still learning like you and I welcome it. Some don't. You are good.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
You really must continue this story, I have to know what is going to happen next. So many loose ends to bring together, so I am hoping this is going to be a novel?? Excellent start, it most definitely is not complete! I want more, and I suspect I am not the only one. Well done, and good luck in the contest. xsx Sandra.
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2016
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You really must continue this story, I have to know what is going to happen next. So many loose ends to bring together, so I am hoping this is going to be a novel?? Excellent start, it most definitely is not complete! I want more, and I suspect I am not the only one. Well done, and good luck in the contest. xsx Sandra.
Comment Written 04-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2016
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Thank you so much. There is a whole lot more but I was limited to 7000 words. Thank you for encouraging me. I will continue to write.
Comment from chasennov
Molestation leads to revenge. This is the start of a novel. Buttons .' This is an excellent chapter of your story you have started here. It read so smooth and well I enjoyed it very much. Very well done.
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2016
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Molestation leads to revenge. This is the start of a novel. Buttons .' This is an excellent chapter of your story you have started here. It read so smooth and well I enjoyed it very much. Very well done.
Comment Written 04-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2016
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Thank you . I have much more to say and a few other characters. I am having fun looking at my evil side.
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You are most welcome. All I can say is
L'chaim.
Comment from LIJ Red
When the work is long, I knock the nitpicker out of gear and cruise along, just reading, so I only saw a small nit or two.
The sex was perfunctorily. ==perfunctory
He's ego wouldn't allow==his ego wouldn't
all he was a harden cop==hardened cop
he should of."==Joe would say this, but her?
does the story being not completed break the prompt?
This is excellent work, very readable.
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2016
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When the work is long, I knock the nitpicker out of gear and cruise along, just reading, so I only saw a small nit or two.
The sex was perfunctorily. ==perfunctory
He's ego wouldn't allow==his ego wouldn't
all he was a harden cop==hardened cop
he should of."==Joe would say this, but her?
does the story being not completed break the prompt?
This is excellent work, very readable.
Comment Written 04-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2016
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Thank you, I so need editing and will make the changes when I get off work tonight. You are a gift to me.
Comment from Helen Bach
Brilliant... and what a shame you ran out of words, I really wanted to continue reading. I was quite absorbed. You captured me and enslaved from beginning to end and felt disappointed when I was spat out at the end. I shall fan you in the hope you add to this. I hope you win I appreciated your writing very much x
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2016
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Brilliant... and what a shame you ran out of words, I really wanted to continue reading. I was quite absorbed. You captured me and enslaved from beginning to end and felt disappointed when I was spat out at the end. I shall fan you in the hope you add to this. I hope you win I appreciated your writing very much x
Comment Written 04-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2016
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thank you so much. There is so much more to this story. I will continue.
Comment from richie m
chilling --yet addictive. really well done. hope you don't pigeon hole the entire project--- too much talent here to button it up and close it down,,great job!--dm
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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chilling --yet addictive. really well done. hope you don't pigeon hole the entire project--- too much talent here to button it up and close it down,,great job!--dm
Comment Written 03-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2016
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Thank you so much. I am having fun writing this. I actually have much more written but I could only use a limited amount of words. in this contest. You made my day.
Comment from Jonesy
First, this is far, far too long for Fanstory.
Second, right away I noticed this reads more like a first draft then a finished product. The first couple paragraphs are about, seemingly, a serial killer, but then immediately jumps to a character named Mary. If the Joe part is a prologue that needs to be noted, but even if it is there isn't enough about Joe for it to stand on its own as a prologue.
As I continued, i also saw a great deal of "Telling" in the writing, where everything is presented in a way that creates a distance from the characters. If curious what I mean, try Googling "Showing and Telling in fiction".
But through all this, I still saw characters that interested me and a writing style that I could probably get into if this was polished a bit more.
Well, that and making the posts A LOT shorter.
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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First, this is far, far too long for Fanstory.
Second, right away I noticed this reads more like a first draft then a finished product. The first couple paragraphs are about, seemingly, a serial killer, but then immediately jumps to a character named Mary. If the Joe part is a prologue that needs to be noted, but even if it is there isn't enough about Joe for it to stand on its own as a prologue.
As I continued, i also saw a great deal of "Telling" in the writing, where everything is presented in a way that creates a distance from the characters. If curious what I mean, try Googling "Showing and Telling in fiction".
But through all this, I still saw characters that interested me and a writing style that I could probably get into if this was polished a bit more.
Well, that and making the posts A LOT shorter.
Comment Written 02-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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Great review. I truly understand what you are saying. I will also find out what you mean about showing and telling in fiction. Thank you for your honesty. That is why I am here.
Comment from P1
w0w this is excellent. you have packed so much into
this that my head was spinning. very best of luck
to you in the contest and i look forward toreading more
of this novel. pleasure to read and review
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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w0w this is excellent. you have packed so much into
this that my head was spinning. very best of luck
to you in the contest and i look forward toreading more
of this novel. pleasure to read and review
Comment Written 02-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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Thank you so much. I have more characters that I have left out of the story because the contest said 7000 limit. You really have encouraged me.
Comment from Chris Walker
This is a great story! It would be a bit long for a single chapter though. I really enjoyed your character development. There is a bit of editing that you may want to do. Sometimes this is hard for the writer to do--we know what the writing is suppose to say because a much of the writing is created in the mind and the eye doesn't see the typos, etc. Here are a few I found for you:
The line starting, "Men can't control themselves. . ."know" should be no.
The line "The next day they filed a law suit. . .I had no idea was" needs some word smithing.
When waitress is describing the costumer you used used "singleton." I found it an odd word.
I hope you don't mind the edit suggestions they are not meant to be negative.
Good luck in the contest, I look forward to reading more from you.
Chris
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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This is a great story! It would be a bit long for a single chapter though. I really enjoyed your character development. There is a bit of editing that you may want to do. Sometimes this is hard for the writer to do--we know what the writing is suppose to say because a much of the writing is created in the mind and the eye doesn't see the typos, etc. Here are a few I found for you:
The line starting, "Men can't control themselves. . ."know" should be no.
The line "The next day they filed a law suit. . .I had no idea was" needs some word smithing.
When waitress is describing the costumer you used used "singleton." I found it an odd word.
I hope you don't mind the edit suggestions they are not meant to be negative.
Good luck in the contest, I look forward to reading more from you.
Chris
Comment Written 02-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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those were great comments and I am printing your review right now so that I can go edit it. I love the help I get on this site.
Comment from DonandVicki
I found your short stroy facinating and truly revenge fufilling. This could easily be right up there with a Stephen King thriller. Very well done.
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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I found your short stroy facinating and truly revenge fufilling. This could easily be right up there with a Stephen King thriller. Very well done.
Comment Written 02-Apr-2016
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2016
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Wow, thank you. I have much more that I have written. You made my day.
