Comment from TallySally

Excellent

Hi! Just checking back in with you.

Your poem strikes a chord of familiarity. Been whip-lashed before - you've described it well.
I like the words 'strike,' 'whip,' 'shell,' and 'trap...'. Really image/emotion filled.
Nice write,
God bless and my best,
Relda

 Comment Written 27-Mar-2016

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reply by the author on 27-Mar-2016

Thanks, Relda.

I had high hopes for this in the contest, but alas, it didn't even warrant a place.

Steve

reply by TallySally on 28-Mar-2016

Do not despair - there's no accounting for taste.

Comment from jlsavell

Excellent

kiwisteven,

one of the best 5/7/5 I have had the privilege to read. The tongue is sharp. There is a scripture which speaks of the power of the tongue.. if a rudder can stear a ship, and a bridle can stear a horse, think how much that one small member the tongue can stir. words do sting and can cause great harm. jlsavell

 Comment Written 19-Mar-2016

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reply by the author on 19-Mar-2016

Thank you very much for the kind comments. Have a great Sunday!

Steve

Comment from Gloria ....

Excellent

Excellent 5/7/5, Steve. And a truism that can apply to so many areas of life including writing. How many times do we hear the words, "you must develop a thicker skin" after receiving an extremely insensitive or nasty review? That's rather ironic as a writer really must bring themselves out and besides that they're going to get a much worse tongue-lashing from a publisher, right?

Kind of makes you wonder about the value of tongue lashing in any area of life as the result is always the same--withdrawal.

This is a top shorty because of its universal application. Abuse is abuse is abuse and it's counterproductive in every situation.

Best wishes to you in the contest. :))

Gloria

 Comment Written 19-Mar-2016

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reply by the author on 19-Mar-2016

Gloria, thanks for the thoughtful response. I must admit I hadn't thought of how this message could be applied to us all as writers, but your words are very true.

Steve

Comment from melyuki

Excellent

Hi Steve, Oh I do like these intense words in your 3 line poem. Such meaning from so few words. " whip tongue' has a great connotation in reference to striking...
and cleverly scribed ' my shell thickens' . The last line adds to the strength of meaning...
strangely I started thinking of a tortoise.. I wonder how he got his hard shell....
Best of luck in the contest Steve, with this awesome poem. I really enjoyed the ride. smiles to you, mel xx

 Comment Written 19-Mar-2016

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reply by the author on 19-Mar-2016

Mel, thanks for the thoughtful response to my poem and the generous review.

Steve

Comment from ciliverde

Excellent

This is powerful, Steve. I think I know the feeling of being lashed like that, and you do end up retreating within a thick shell -- that eventually becomes a trap you can't get out of. Very thought-provoking!
Well done,
Carol

 Comment Written 19-Mar-2016

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reply by the author on 19-Mar-2016

Thanks, Carol.

Not sure where this one came from, but it resonates with me.

Steve

Comment from tfawcus

Excellent

Domestic bliss in a nutshell! Fortunately the thickened shell is also accompanied by failing hearing and a more philosophical outlook on life these days.

 Comment Written 18-Mar-2016

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reply by the author on 18-Mar-2016

Some sort of bliss you have at your place!

Thanks, Tony.

Steve

reply by tfawcus on 19-Mar-2016

Poetic licence! We actually get on quite well most of the time!

Comment from Dean Kuch

Excellent

Nice, Steve-oh. Words spoken in anger can hurt far worse sometimes and do a lot more damage than a slap across the face. The thing about the spoken word is that unlike the written one, there is no "DELETE" button to correct them. Once they've flown across our tongues and out of our mouth, their is no taking them back. Sometimes saying "I'm sorry..." isn't even enough.

That's why it's important not to speak out in anger.

Good work with this. Good enjambment for 5-7-5 poetry, and it conveys a very pertinent message.
Best of luck to you in the contest.

 Comment Written 18-Mar-2016

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reply by the author on 18-Mar-2016

Thanks, Dean, for the generous and thoughtful response.

Steve

reply by Dean Kuch on 18-Mar-2016

Anytime, Steve. You're very welcome.
~Dean

Comment from Sasha

Excellent

This is awesome and so intense with just three lines. Excellent alliteration and superb last line. I am so impressed with this one. Terrific entry for this contest and I wish you all the best too.

 Comment Written 18-Mar-2016

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reply by the author on 18-Mar-2016

Thanks, Sasha - glad you enjoyed.

Steve

Comment from Loren (7)

Excellent

Your poem and its words pulls the reader right into the writer's situation and their very soul. It makes you want to struggle with them to get out and get away. Somehow fight back, but then would the "caged bird" still sing? Nice job and best of luck with the 5-7-5 contest. Loren

 Comment Written 18-Mar-2016

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reply by the author on 18-Mar-2016

Thanks, Loren.

My own feeling is that a soul abused like this will never fully recover - sadly.

Steve

reply by Loren (7) on 18-Mar-2016

You are right, they never fully recover.

Comment from krys123

Excellent

Hi Steve;
-what I wanted to be impressed and surely I was. This 5/7/5 syllabic format is very strong and poignant and after reading it twice I thought it was very powerful.
- the first thing they came into my mind was a antelope being curled up in a ball when spoken to with harsh words.
-how many times our wives spoken to in harsh words by the husband and they retreat into their shells that harden over time.
- good luck in the contest and may the good Lord be with you always Steve.
Alex

 Comment Written 18-Mar-2016

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reply by the author on 18-Mar-2016

Thanks, Alex, for your thoughtful response.

Steve

reply by krys123 on 19-Mar-2016

You are considerably welcome Steve.
Alex