Comment from brenda bickers

Excellent

Hi SIS CAT,
what a great song you have chosen to re-write, and you have done this beautifully.
Your poem is very touching and I am sure will do well in the competition.
Brenda

 Comment Written 06-Mar-2016

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reply by the author on 06-Mar-2016

Thank you, Brenda, for your kind review and contest well-wishes. I deeply appreciate it.

Comment from Loren (7)

Excellent

I've missed reading some of your posts lately. I never really considered the words of the song by Paul Simon's "I am a Rock" quote from this perspective. It is interesting what a paradigm shift can do for you outlook in life. Very deep, personal and you took the reader to your soul. Loren

 Comment Written 06-Mar-2016

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reply by the author on 06-Mar-2016

Yes, Loren (7), I have not posted a poem since October 18, just before I accepted the task of producing a storytelling show. It feels good to be back. I am glad you considered my perspective. I rewrote these lyrics for myself thirty years ago when I was in the throes of loneliness and depression. So, yes, my lyrics are "Very deep, personal and you took the reader to your soul." Thank you for your review.

Comment from daymanrayne

Good

Cool storytelling and please don't take this insulting by reading this I kept thinking about the commercial. However I got the meaning of the poem very well

 Comment Written 06-Mar-2016

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reply by the author on 06-Mar-2016

Simon and Garfunkel loaned their song to a commercial? This is the first time I am hearing this. I am glad you got the meaning of the poem and that you stopped by to review. Thanks.

Comment from nancyjam

Excellent

Wonderful re-write. Always liked this song and
I am touched by yours as well.
Both are emotionally engaging.
there is pain and heartache in these lines.
Good luck in the contest.
Nancy

 Comment Written 06-Mar-2016

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reply by the author on 06-Mar-2016

Yes, Nancy, the pain and heartache in the lines are real because I rewrote these lyrics for myself thirty years ago when I was in the throes of loneliness and depression. Thank you for your review and wishing me good luck in the contest.

Comment from robyn corum

Excellent

SC,

What a deep and insightful poem you've created! When others have opted for hilarity in this contest, you're dredging the depths of the human psyche. Kudos! I hope you do well in the contest -- though you should!

1.) (unsafe) within my pain.

Favorite (brilliant!) lines:
I've built walls Out of tissue (thin and fragile)

I am shielded in tin armor

Thanks for sharing!

 Comment Written 06-Mar-2016

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reply by the author on 06-Mar-2016

Yes, Robyn, I noticed that other poets opted for hilarity in this contest. "Dredging the depths of the human psyche," I rewrote these lyrics for myself thirty years ago when I was in the throes of loneliness and depression. This accounts for it being "a deep and insightful poem." I am glad you found favorite lines. Thank you for your review, encouragement, and correction of "unsafe."

Comment from Brett Matthew West

Excellent

Well written re-write of these popular lyrics by one of Rock's most famous Songwriters - Paul Simon.

Most people who consider themselves a rock, are in fact only an island.

They put up a false front to protect from pain, but are usually easily hurt any way.

Should be a good contest entry.

 Comment Written 06-Mar-2016

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reply by the author on 06-Mar-2016

Yes, Brett, "Most people who consider themselves a rock, are in fact only an island." That is the whole point of both the original lyrics and my rewrite. I am awed by Paul Simon's talent. Thank you for your review and contest well-wishes.

Comment from catch22

Excellent

Hello Poet, this is a good rewrite of the original lyrics. I thought you handled the rhythm well, except for some punctuation choices that disrupted the flow. For example, in the following stanza, I would respectfully suggest the following in parentheses:

I've built walls
Out of tissue (thin and fragile) --I like using parentheses when making an aside
That I let none penetrate.
I have great need of friendship.
Lack of it causes pain.
Lack of laughter, lack of loving(,) I sustain(ed).
I'm not a rock,
I'm but an island.

Overall, this is a very strong rewrite and I enjoyed the read.

 Comment Written 06-Mar-2016

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reply by the author on 06-Mar-2016

Catch22, these are good suggestions on how to improve this parody. I will use them. Thank you for your review and suggestions. You gave me my first helpful critique.

reply by catch22 on 06-Mar-2016

You're very welcome. Glad to be some help.

Comment from lightink

Excellent

It's so amazing how you maintained the emotional tone of the original piece BUT you went deeper than the surface defenses and showed what lurks in the depth! When someone keep insisting on staying away from loving connections, there's always a deep longing beneath those feelings! You kept so much of the wording but showed a more vulnerable aspect of it. Well done!

 Comment Written 06-Mar-2016

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reply by the author on 06-Mar-2016

Yes, lightink, I went deeper than the surface defenses and yet "maintained the emotional tone of the original piece." I " showed a more vulnerable aspect." I rewrote these lyrics thirty years ago to address the loneliness and isolation I felt at the time. Thank you for your review.

Comment from Alan K Pease

Exceptional

Excellent emulation of Simon and Garfunkel's "I Am a Rock" touched with a similar beauty of their lyrics. Good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 06-Mar-2016

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reply by the author on 06-Mar-2016

Thank you, Alan, for your generous, six star review and wishing me the best of luck in the contest. I appreciate it.

Comment from Sandra du Plessis

Excellent

A great rewrite of the lyrics. I am not a rock that can't be hurt.. Just an island isolated from everyone else I cannot touch anyone and no one ever touches me...

 Comment Written 06-Mar-2016

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reply by the author on 06-Mar-2016

Thank you, Sandra, for your fine review. I really appreciate it.